Try to befriend them on an adult level. It will take some time, but if they see a sincere effort on your part to become a warmer, caring person, this may work.

How old are they? If you apologize sincerely for whatever it is you believe you did wrong, that's all you can do. You are not a psychologist, psychiatrist or social worker. If they are adult, they must "heal" themselves. You can't undo the past..I think it is best to let it stay there where it belongs and move on. If you can't, at least let them try. If you constantly are bringing things up from the past I don't think that will be very helpful. If you did the best you could at the time given who you were, why not give yourself a break and forgive yourself? I've never met a perfect parent, nor a perfect kid, have you? Nothing you do today changes one minute of yesterday :)

I went through a tough thing w/my Dad in my teens. In my twenties I was confused. Thirties I saw what damage it caused me. Nearing forty it about killed me. I realized that my healing was up to me. Making Dad feel bad only broke my heart for him. He was genuinely sorry and sought out help for himself. I did self help reading... John Bradshaw was awsome for me. I can say w/out batting an eye that I would not change a bit of my childhood. It is what made me who I am. I have learned the most difficult lesson of all lessons, that is how to love unconditionally. Shrinkess, what did it for me was he was humble and genuinely sorry. And it litterally broke his heart to see his daughter nearly destroyed over his actions. Drop your ego, lose the mother image, be humble, be genuinely sorry w/no excuses. Offer help in any way possible. They need to heal and part of healing is speaking the truth to the abuser. You tell them this and swallow what they have to say. No yeah,buts... just tears and Im sorries and how can I help you heal? I know this is tough stuff. But I guarantee the love will flow like rapids and all can be healed. Much love sent your way, Wind Walker.

Leave your estate to them when you keel over : )