ANSWERS: 5
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My family is in the same position. Three adult girls (of whom I am one) and my brother who is in prison. My parents have asked the same question and we have told them that they did nothing wrong. We were all raised the same. We all had to exact same choices to make. Although not perfect, we all made good choices and as a result we are all successful. My brother chose to continue to make the wrong choices over and over again and refused to take thier sound advice. From my perspective as a daughter(and I would encourage you to talk to your daughters), my parents did the best they could and made the best choices they could for each of us. It was his choice to turn away from that.
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A parent should not be to blame for a child's mistake. At thirty five he's an adult and made his own bed wo regards to you or others. If your daughters are living the American Dream, then look to them as your success stories. Your son, well, he's more like a story that is a "life learning lesson." He's not successful, but his story is how NOT to approach life, because you'll end up in prison. Sorry it hurts you, but don't let it drain you eithier. According to you, its not like he's an innocent man, would you have wanted to be an innocent person near an armed robbery? I know I wouldn't.
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You were unlucky. Unlike what some people seem to think, not all screw-ups are intentional. Some people have genuine issues. Issues that you couldn't prevent and may not be able to cure. I have a similar issue in my family. He's a good kid when he's on his meds, but when he isn't, well, we'll see how he does when he gets out. My father was likewise legitimately messed up (we're talking "permanent inpatient") but I turned out fine. If you think EVERYTHING is a choice then call Stephen Hawkings lazy because he CHOOSES not to walk or use his own vocal cords.
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i'm very sorry for your pain of having to watch a loved one suffer. I can offer this: You can no more take credit for the path your son took than you can for the paths your daughters did. But you can love them all.
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whatever mistakes you made only count up till he was an adult, and could make decisions for himself. Now its his turn to make mistakes. He can always serve his purpose in life as being a bad example. We cant say what the bigger picture is sometimes.
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