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by curiousKristy on December 31st, 2006

curiousKristy

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Why can't I have an orgasm when having sex with my boyfriend? The only way I can have an orgasm is with a vibrator. I was single for quite a while and I think I just got used to the vibrator and now cannot orgasm with a person.Any advice would be great!

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Answers. 10 helpful answers below.

  • by Lee on December 2nd, 2009

    Lee

    you need to get on top and do things your way. Also, a little stimulation of the clit never hurt anyone while riding. More foreplay might be needed too. good luck.

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  • by stuckonyou16 on November 24th, 2010

    stuckonyou16

    If you stop masturbating sex with him will be better. Trust me. Vibrators are more efficient an most penises dont vibrate. the less your touched the more sensitive you are making it alott easier to have an orgasm.

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  • by Wendora on January 2nd, 2007

    Wendora

    You may never orgasm during sex. I have been trying for over 20 years and it just hasn't happened. It's not the end of the world, I can orgasm other ways and that is okay with me. As long as you can have a climax, it really shouldn't matter how you get it. You may find that you can orgasm from oral sex.

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  • by beenaroundtheblock on December 31st, 2006

    beenaroundtheblock

    If everybodys comfortable, you could include the vibrator from time to time. Also, does he hit the same spots? If he doesn't, well let him know where to go.

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  • by buster on December 3rd, 2009

    buster

    Well they are different types of stimulation. sex is most likely vaginal, where as, your toy I would imagine is clitoral. That is apples to oranges. Also when you are masturbating, you are in control of the action, during sex it is your bf who is controlling your pleasure. Even if he is doing a good job, he might not be doing it exactly the way you need it. Try talking to him during sex giving him some direction. And I bet if he went down on you that would do the trick also :-)

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  • by lilly petals on April 4th, 2009

    lilly petals

    This idea may be a little off the wall. I don't think I would do it because it looks a little goofy. I was in a sex toy shop the other day and they had a little ball shaped vibrator that is attached to straps that go around your body, i forget how exactly, that holds it in place over your clitoris while your having intercourse. hands free.

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  • by tigueron on January 4th, 2007

    tigueron

    try adding the vibrator to the sessions with your bf and use it to help you, make him change his ways, use the venus butterfly technique, perhaps more clitoris stimulation before coitus will help too.

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  • by R_Berue on July 15th, 2008

    R_Berue

    You never make love TO that person. You make love WITH that person. For the sake of the younger folks who read these answers, I won't get very graphic. I'm sure you can use your imagination.

    I AM A VERY fortunate man. I had the wonderful experience of seeing my parents, both sets of grandparents and all my aunts and uncles behave as though they were constantly on their honeymoons with their spouses.
    They would hold hands, cuddle, hug, kiss, whisper things to each other, say, "I love you, _____!" and carry-on like many young people, who are in love, do in public.
    They would smile at each other and tell each other
    how beautiful, wonderful and thoughtful she was and
    how thoughtful, wonderful and handsome he was!
    WOW! What a great set of romance role models!

    No, I never watched as they were making love in the most intimate way, but I DID see and learn from their examples and inter-actions with their spouses! As far as I know, no one ever cheated on the other.

    That being said, one day my mother's father got in the car with me. I was driving him to the track. He "LOVED those ponies"! He was well-aware of the relationship I had with the lady I was dating and who would one day be my bride.

    He said words similar to these:
    I know your father told you what to do, but did he ever tell you how to do it?
    I answered, "No".

    He went on to say, "I'm going to tell you some things I don't think you'll learn from any one else. When you have sex, make love or whatever you want to call it, you don't behave like most other men. Most men are just interested in one thing and one thing only - satisfying their own selfish selves.

    That's NOT the way to do it. You have to make absolutely certain she is satisfied. No matter how long it takes or what you have to do, you have to do whatever it takes to make sure she does what she likes to do best. You HAVE TO satisfy her first.

    Your brain is the most important sex organ. Your brain controls what happens downstairs. When you aren't sure about what to do or how to do it, ask her what she wants you to do. She'll tell you or she'll show you. When you're making love, you think of other things - not what's going on at that particular moment with that particular lady. When you think about what you're actually doing, I guarantee you'll never satisfy the lady in your life.

    He went on to explain about holding hands, hugging, kissing, caressing and taking things one step at a time. He described a lot of things I heard of but wasn't sure about.

    During that ride, one of the last things he said was:
    When you are absolutely sure she is satisfied, then you can do what you know is best for you - but not one minute before.

    That's what I was told.

    Thank you, Gran'pop. I love you. I miss you!

    Some afterthoughts: You could also buy a book, on-line, called "Kama Sutra."

    You could also go on-line and make the investment in some "adult sex toys" to stimulate and arouse. There are LOTS of sites.

    Thanks for asking your Q! I enjoyed answering it!

    VTY,
    Ron Berue
    Yes, that is my real last name!

    Sources: My wonderful family!

    "THE University of Hard Knocks"
    also known as ("a/k/a") "life's valuable lessons"

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  • by Anonymous on January 13th, 2009

    Anonymous

    Hi i have the same problem when i have sex i can't orgasm either so i went and my clit pierce and it really help so maybe you should go and get your clit pierce. i hope this help a little.

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  • by Irisibis on July 1st, 2009

    Irisibis

    You aren't alone, 75% of women are either unable to orgasm through intercourse or find it very difficult.

    There are positions that make it easier, such as the CAT position (coital alignment technique - legs straight missionary with woman's ankles together). Or perhaps try a position in which you can use your vibrator at the same time.

    I actually stopped using a vibe years ago because I noticed I was finding it harder to orgasm without it. I did get back into the habit of other kinds of stimulation once I got rid of it. I found it desensitised me a little.

    However, if you can only orgasm with a vibrator, you aren't alone. Many women can only orgasm with a vibrator, or only through oral. I can only orgasm if my legs are straight. All are good as long as you can get there somehow :-)

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