(Self made up joke) What is the most dangerous job in the world and is short lived as a profession? A faulty parachute tester,for it is a dead end job.

I would.... Oh! You want to hear/read a few? Ok, here goes! Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what i just said. When did you first notice this problem? What problem? Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do? Teacher: no, of course not. Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework. How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces would have already caused it to happen. You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is. - Ellen DeGeneris As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!" A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why is he staring and he replies, "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you. She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun a long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive." "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2 you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!" The nun says "OK, pull into the next alley." He does and the nun fulfills his fantasy. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child, said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me sister, but I have sinned. I lied, I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party." Last one Victor, after a long, hard days work, decides he needs some relaxation, so he goes to his local brothel. He enters and finds the madam. As it's the busiest time of the day, there is only one girl left, who is Chinese and doesn't know a word of English. "I'll take her," he says desperately, as he is also in a hurry. So they proceed upstairs and get down to business. As Victor is going full whack, the girl begins to shout out "Sung wa! Sung wa!" To which Victor assumes that this means great, fantastic, etc, so he continues unperturbed. The following day he as at a golf meeting with a wealthy, prospective Chinese client, and is trying to impress him in any way he can. Just then, the client T's off and gets a whole in one. This gives Victor the opportunity to use his newly found Chinese phrase... "Sung wa! Sung wa!" he proclaims, to which the client replies, "Wrong hole? What do you mean wrong hole?"