by 
Wulfweard
ANSWERS: 9
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"I find television very educational - everytime someone turns a set on I go into another room and read a book."
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"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
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I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
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I could dance with you till the cows come home. On second thoughts, I'd rather dance with the cows till you came home.
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"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
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I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
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To a contestant on You Bet Your Life: "What colour is the White House?"
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"I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30."
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Once, at a restaurant (the most common location of Groucho's antics), a fan came up to him and said, "Excuse me, but aren't you Groucho Marx?" "Yes," Groucho answered annoyedly. "Oh, I'm your biggest fan! Could I ask you a favor?" the man asked. "Sure, what is it?" asked the even-more annoyed Groucho. "See my wife sitting over there? She's an even bigger fan of yours than I am! Would you be willing to insult her?" Groucho replied, "Sir, if my wife looked like that, I wouldn't need any help thinking of insults."
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