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by entirely2muchfun on August 28th, 2006

entirely2muchfun

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I have very low self esteem. Most people tell me I'm beautiful, but I don't believe it, I hate the way I look. Why can't I be happy the way I am?

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  • by Anonymous on September 21st, 2006

    Anonymous

    Its a problem most of us have at some point in our lives. We tend to be quite self-critical, and perfect airbrushed images in magazines don't help us feel any better about ourselves.
    Its also interesting that we tend to disbelieve positive comments but take negative ones to heart.
    Ten people a day could tell you you were gorgeous and you'd dismiss them, but one person makes a slight implication that your eyes are too small (or similar) and you end up obsessing over it for weeks. Its human nature and it is quite normal.
    Its important to remember that the most beautiful thing is being unique. If you fill a whole room with identical flawless skinny tanned blondes, suddenly they don't look so beautiful anymore. The curvy brunette walks in and steals the show.
    Whilst not everyone can be a supermodel, most of us can learn to make the best of what we've got, develop our own unique look that reflects our personality, and thus become more confident about how we look, even if we do carry a few extra pounds or don't have endless legs. Instead of comparing yourself to others, concentrate on yourself- figure out your best features (everybody has at least four or five- maybe you have a shapely neck, nice hands, or lovely hair- could be anything) and remember to remind yourself of these everyday. Dress in ways that draw attention to them and you will start to feel better. This is all that "gorgeous" celebrities have learnt how to do. Without the make up and fancy lighting and the help of stylists, most are fairly average looking.
    There is a possibilty that if you are constantly obsessing about your looks to the point of engaging in unusual behaviour, such as avoiding mirrors, refusing to leave the house in case someone sees you, or spending several hours applying make up daily you could be suffering from Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) a psychological condition similar to anorexia which affects about 1% of the population. It usually starts around puberty and involves a distorted view of your own appearance- sufferers believe they are hideously ugly and often take steps to avoid being seen in public, spend a fortune on make up and unecessary plastic surgery and may also engage in self-harm. If this sounds like you, I suggest you talk to your doctor as soon as possible- if picked up on early a lot can be achieved with counselling and (sometimes) medication. Have a look at this site if you feel you'd like to read a little more about the condition (there are many others- try googling BDD)
    http://www.bddcentral.com/

    Chances are your feelings are nowhere near this serious and are just something we all experience from time to time- but it doean't hurt to check, because the help is out there.
    Hope this helps

    Comments

    • You've given me a lot to think about & work on.I've suffered from this obsession with my appearance since puberty.NOTHING makes it go away...I'm sick of living in this constant fear of not being perfect.THANKS!

      entirely2muchfun

      by entirely2muchfun on September 21st, 2006

    • I think there's a chance you may have some form of BDD- please talk to your Doctor, there's a lot they can do to help.

      Anonymous

      by Anonymous on September 22nd, 2006

    • I'll try & bring this up to my doctor but, I think he'll tell me what I have heard from doctors that I've discussed this with before...they say..."Give your self a break"...they don't understand that I can't.

      entirely2muchfun

      by entirely2muchfun on September 22nd, 2006

    • Maybe you should try speaking directly to a therapist. If you have health insurance, the best place to start is to call your insurer and ask them for a referral. That way you won't have someone who is not up to date on your siituation dismissing it.

      ptrask

      by ptrask on October 7th, 2006

    • This has been the best advice...thanks for all information you posted.

      entirely2muchfun

      by entirely2muchfun on January 11th, 2007

    • I'm not going to post because I couldn't have said anything better than 'lady fuschia' has said.
      Great post x

      'entirely2muchfun' I hope you take this advice and start feeling better about yourself soon x

      sweetielowe

      by sweetielowe on September 6th, 2009

    • I hate when people say stuff about the girls in magazines. Those are people too, like they exist, and maybe they aren't perfect the way they are airbrushed but they do look kind of like that and they are attractive and ideal. My problem is that I would rather be the ideal magazine type, then uniquely beautiful...I would rather have everyone think I'm pretty and conventional then some people think I'm stunning and others not at all.

      Boblahblah

      by Boblahblah on May 16th, 2011

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