I have a sister that is disrespectful of me too, but she lets her in-laws control her thoughts and emotions about me. She has gone through a Divorce, and her in-laws, and ex husband had made some degrading lies up about me, and her also. It all started with me helping my sister with her household chores when her daughter was in a bad car accident back in 1999, and suffered a closed head injury. She was 25, going on 26 at the time of her accident. The daughter is now 36 years old. My sister and brother-in-law then became conservators of their only daughter, and I went to their home twice a week to help them out. My sister had to take her daughter out every day to make sure she got a lot of exercise, and didn't just stay home all the time. They even went to play Bingo at night. I went with them to play bingo, but soon I decided that I didn't want to go with them anymore,because there's too much competition and you don't have that good of a chance of winning. So, my sister's husband asked if I'd like to go the Casino with him. My husband and sister both agreed that they didn't care if we went to the Casino together, because we all trusted each other completely. My brother-in-law had this idea to kiss for "Good Luck" at the Casino. We thought it worked at the Casino because we seemed to win a lot of times. My sister knew that we kissed only for "Good Luck" because she went to the Casino with us, so she didn't seem to mind, and she trusted us both. Sometimes one of the sister-in-laws and my brother-in-laws Mom would go along to the Casino with my brother-in-law and myself. After a while the in laws of my sister, started asking my brother-in-law questions about him and I. My brother-in-law thought that they were very nosy, and lied to them to make them believe that we were having an affair, when we weren't. We didn't have that kind of attraction for each other. It was more like a brother-sister relationship. My brother-in-law was lying to them, and he did not care if they believed it, and spread it around. He told me what he said to the in-laws, and my reaction was,"Why are you saying those things? "What if the things that you are saying, get back to my sister? His answer was" What do we care what they believe, because people will believe what they want to" "We know that we didn't do anything wrong, so let them talk all they want". So I just thought," Yea, what do we care." "They don't know if the degrading information is true or not,but of course we do, and it isn't true." "Let them think what they want, because we can't change their way of thinking." All my brother-in-laws lying to his family about me,has been going on for 10 years, and may still be going on because of it. I think that I have lost some mutual friends because of all this degrading talk.
During the time that my sister and her husband were going through the Divorce, one of his sisters was harassing me over the phone, asking how it feels that my brother-in-law had ditched me for someone else. That someone else was his first cousin. I told her that we only has a brother-sister relationship, and I would never do anything to hurt my sister or my husband. She rattled on that we had a boyfriend-girlfriend relationship because we went to the Casino together. She made up a lot of other false accusations against me too. She even was smart enough to block my caller ID, so I would have no prove of her call. About 5 months later, my sister's other sister-in-law was visiting at my sister's home and I was there too. We were all in the kitchen talking, and I was saying that my sister and I have been through a lot of good and bad times together and we'll get through her Divorce too. I explained some of the bad times we had together. As soon as I got done talking, the sister-in-law started saying degrading me about lies that she heard from her brother, and lies that her sister had made up. When I told her that her brother was lying to her, she accused me of "sugar coating" the truth. I told her that I was telling her the truth, but she didn't believe me. My sister heard was with us in the kitchen, and did not stand up for me. When I started to stand up for myself, my sister told me to "Shut Up".
My sister even had accused me of things that I didn't do too. Instead of helping my sister get over her Divorce, her in-laws are acting as messengers for her ex-husband to hurt my sister and me, because the in-laws still keep in contact with their brother by phone.
I think that my sister is acting like an enabler for her in-laws to engage in their destructive behavior by listening to their degrading remarks, instead of standing up for me and herself. When I asked my sister, if she believes them, and does she still trusts me she told me that she doesn't believe them, and still trusts me. When I try to ask her more questions about trusting me, she thinks that I need professional help. I wouldn't even ask her about trusting me, if I didn't have doubts about it. I say this because although she says that she still does trust me, she was accusing me of doing things that I didn't do, she never apologized for the way her in-laws treated me, and she wouldn't stand up for me either. She even asked me if I feel guilty, for kissing Frank? She does know that we only did that for "Good Luck" to win. To me, all those things do not prove trust. I really think that my sister is completely on her in-laws side, and only keeps in contact with me, as an obligation, because I'm still her sister.
I feel that my sister has betrayed me by not lying to me about trusting me, and I really shouldn't have too much contact with her. She is the type to keep her true feelings about me to herself, and she will lie to me to protect my feelings. I only want her to be honest, but she is not being open with me. I feel with all this negativity that I do not have a healthy relationship with her, and she will feel resentment for me for the rest of her life, because what her in-laws have poisoned her mind with. My sister and I were very close before all this negative behavior happened and that's what hurts , and I feel that this behavior with her in-laws will continue to happen, as long as my sister keeps in contact with them, and they keep in contact with their brother. I feel too that my sister is enabling them to engage in this destructive behavior, and it is not good for her or my well-being and health to have to put up with all this negative. I feel that my good close relationship has been damaged because my sister lets her in-laws interfere in our lives. So I think that it would be better if I severed ties with my toxic sister, and her toxic, selfish in-laws. I think too that it is not good for your well being, or your health to keep in contact with negative, toxic people because sooner or later it will have it's negative and destructive effects on you.
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