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by Anonymous on August 25th, 2006

Anonymous

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I shower my girlfriend with affection and love, but she doesn't seem to return the favor. It's hard to get the affection I need from her. She only shows affection when I give it. Any advice?

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  • by scubabob on August 25th, 2006

    scubabob

    Having been married to a woman like this, I can understand your frustration. Her attitude about this, is not likely going to change. Someone here posted, that you should hold back, and wait for her reaction. Why should you change your behavior to get her to change hers? I actually tried that route, to the point of also cutting out "night time activities". Nothing changed, except she got angry.It's really not up to you to change someone, they have to realize it for themselves. Point out to her, your feelings on the matter. If she doesn't want to be more affectionate, that's her choosing. Some simply don't like public displays of affection. In private, however, if it remains the same, there's really no excuse. You can choose too. You don't have to feel like an outsider and can move on.

    Comments

    • "Why should you change your behaviour to get her to change hers?"
      To that, I have this to say: Why should she change her behaviour to please him?
      It's a two way street! Compromises have to be made if the two people strongly desire to stay together and leaving is out of the question.

      A

      by A on December 5th, 2008

    • anonymous girl......you just said up top that you do this and probably should change your behavior......now here you found an excuse not to. If you're not showing affection and he is.....you are the one denying him a basic human need....FEELING LOVED. FEELING APPRECIATED. The person who should change, boy or girl, is the one denying the love. I'm almost positive the man you were with at teh time of this post has moved on and found someone to treat him right. Non affectionate people make me sick. What makes you so good that you can't show someone you supposedly care about, that you do? Actions speak louder than words.

      Brian_O

      by Brian_O on September 16th, 2010

    • Oh, I see. I was wondering why you were all up against me. I've figured out a lot about myself since I've posted these comments. I am a very affectionate person. I found a boyfriend after who didn't pressure me into giving him affection and I found I actually enjoyed giving him affection way more than ever. It's not that I wasn't affectionate. It's that I felt suffocated. The boyfriend I was with at the time would hold me tight and wouldn't let me go at times, even when I needed space. He wanted to be all over me constantly. I felt trapped. So, yes, actions speak louder than words. I've since learned that there is such thing as too much affection, though. I'm sure the same can be true for me. There are people who think I am clingy and overly cuddly. I love giving affection, but not when I feel like I have to.

      A

      by A on September 16th, 2010

    • Hmm...you're the only one in this comment thread with an issue. Pardon me but WHO is ALL up against you?

      scubabob

      by scubabob on September 17th, 2010

    • That comment was directed at Brian, not you. If you read his other comments directed at me under other answers to this question, you would understand. Sorry for the misunderstanding and the confusion. Brian is the one who decided he had a problem with me, so naturally, I went into defensive mode because he judged me rather harshly and unfairly.

      Here is an example of his rudeness (see comments section):
      http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/1710365

      A

      by A on December 21st, 2010

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