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by that jewish kid on February 5th, 2007

that jewish kid

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How can you build confidence in order to talk to attractive girls?

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  • by Stableboy on February 5th, 2007

    Stableboy

    Don't try to "build confidence", that will just mess you up.

    You have to turn the question upside down and ask "what prevents me from just being myself around attractive girls?"

    You're fine when you're being yourself -- everyone is, actually. The problem is that when these girls are around there are "tapes" that play in your head which are not helpful -- things which generate anxiety and cause you to tighten up... you can't relax and just be there.

    What there is to do is to learn how to be PRESENT when girls are around. That means noticing your internal state and just allowing it to do whatever it is that it's going to do. This sounds like nonsense to most people the first time they hear it -- "how can just being aware of myself make any difference?". But it does. If you can just work on being aware of your own thoughts and feelings -- your breath, your body sensations, whatever is going on in your brain -- that awareness alone will start to create a kind of "space" in which you can just BE there and be yourself.

    You don't have to do anything special, you don't have to change, you don't have to try to be like other guys or images that you have seen in the movies, etc. -- you just need to be able to be there and relax. It takes time and practice, but it really is the only way to get to the root of the trouble and pull that weed out.

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    • I'm trying to do like that,,,will I be succeed?

      sagarr

      by sagarr on September 24th, 2010

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