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by Meg is exhausted on January 7th, 2008

Meg is exhausted

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While at lunch today I saw a friend's husband kissing another woman. He doesn't know I saw. Do I tell her myself or do I go to him and give him an opportunity to tell her himself?

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  • by TheÉminenceGrise on October 8th, 2011

    TheÉminenceGrise

    One must step back to obtain a balanced view I guess. The rules of whether to interfere in someone else's life have so much emotional wadding to contend with (not to mention overcoming unacknowledged self-righteousness (we all have a bit as part of our ego - why can't they all be like [my picture of] me), that the unvarnished basic rules must be applied scrupulously. Some thoughts I might apply, wrongly or rightly, and incorporate in my response to such situations are:
    1. Don't inflict your standards and beliefs on others. People have the right to run their personal lives as they see fit, as do you. Neither you nor I are the sole arbiters of what or what does not fall within acceptable personal philosophy on this planet. Some might say God wants us to make our own mistakes, maybe needs us to, for their potential for our learning and growth - the person who never makes mistakes never makes anything - you learn best from your mistakes.
    2. Recognise that the urge to interfere comes from your own desire for the rush of feely-goody that comes with it, from a blind wanting to 'help' that may actually do more harm than good, and an emotional connection with the supposed 'victim' creating that illusory sense of 'debt' - that can only be paid off by revealing secrets that are not necessarily yours to reveal.
    3. You may have put two and two together and made five. Things are not always what they seem and the urge to fill in the gaps to create a rational explanation is strong. When you have given solid credence to your belief, later evidence contradicting it may be ignored.
    4. If there is something to your suspicion, it may pass very quickly and best be forgotten. Your interference could as easily create a mountain out of a molehill as resolve a stituation you disapprove of to your personal satisfaction.
    5. What if the 'injured' party is, unknown to you, ten times more reprehensible in their own behaviour.
    6. You ultimately have only yourself to answer to for your actions. Those who disapprove (let them) cannot possibly have the whole story, and have certainly never walked in your shoes.
    If you knew your son had committed a one-time murder and you had access to evidence of it, would you report your child to authority? My view is that the most appropriate and 'correct' answer will not be the same for everyone, or in every case.
    7. Fools step in where angels fear to tread.
    8. Comparable acts of altruism shouldn't be assumed to have taken place on the same a level playing-field.

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