ANSWERS: 12
  • There could be several different reasons for her giving you up, maybe you should try and find out more about her, maybe write her a letter asking her the questions you want answers to she might be really happy to hear from you She may have been trying to track ou down aswell you never know these things, but in my opinion i wouldnt be angry at her for giving you up, there could be a very valid reason why she did, maybe she was too young, had no support or money, so take it easy and see where it leads and dont expect too much so as not to let yourself down Goodluck
  • On one way yeah u need to know and find out the info, but at the same time I would suggest that no bad feelings for your mom, there could have been circumstances that she didnt afford to take care of you it could be financially or some other thinds, and she always wanted you live a better life i hope. However, now you are a grown up person and feel free to ask your mom and she will answer your questions. Goodluck.
  • You don't have any evidence at all that your biological mother didn't think about you. Often a mother who has opted to have her child adopted is doing that so the baby has a better chance to live a quality life. It is often an act of love. The mother usually continues to think about that child, wonder how the child is progressing, what the child looks like and what characteristics the child has. Often there is a great deal of guilt over giving up the child - guilt, regret and sorrow. If you decide to learn more about your birth mother, please keep an open mind about her. You have absolutely no idea what she was faced with at the time she gave you up, and quite possibly you can sympathize with her once you know her reasons. Only you can decide if you want to seek her out, and it is a difficult decision. There is no way to know at this point whether either of you will want to meet or will want to maintain some form of communication after you meet. You will want to go into this decision with no expectations of what your birth mother may be like, what kind of person she is now (remember, people do change over time). A first meeting may be awkward because your birth mother may feel guilty, or may fear that you will be accusatory and blame her for things that have happened in your life, or that you may accuse her of not loving you or abandoning you. Again I urge you, please make this decision with an open mind, and at the very least be prepared to listen to her. If you do decide to meet her, give it a chance. It will take some introspection to decide whether it is best to try to meet your birth mother of leave it alone. Personally, I would want to know the truth, regardless of the consequences.
  • If you have questions, you have a right to look for answers. Just try to be courteous of her desires. She may be thrilled to see you. Or she may not. But you won't know until you try, so I would try. I have known several women who gave up babies for adoption. In NO case did they "not think about" their babies. They still do, 40 years later. There are many reasons for the actions they took. None of them were selfish. Most were for the better future an adoptive family could provide.
  • There are always 3 sides to every story and I am sure you have heard only one side. Hear her out and get to know her as she is now not how she was many years ago. It takes years and years to bond so don't expect too much right away if you decide to give her a chance to be in your life.
  • You mother thought about you. Everyone's situation is different. But I can tell you that for much sure. She will always think about you unless, heaven forbid, there are mental issues in play. It is a big step to reach out and a brave one at that. Learn what you can but keep an open mind. No one knows what happened or why but her. No one knows what was going on in her head at that point in time but her. You might think about a support group to prepare you just in case after you gather your information and want to meet her it doesnt go well. That is always a possibility. Good Luck!
  • The question itself infers you already ARE concerned. Whether you SHOULD be concerned (or not) is irrelevant. Consider whatever options that will bring you peace with your new discovery and act accordingly.
  • My hubby grew up in an orphanage with 75 other children. He wanted a family so badly but never got adopted. After we were married I was able to locate his mom and 3 siblings. She was an alcoholic and tried to kill him at age 3 so he was taken by the state and put into a childrens home. She was abusive to just him because he looked like her ex husband who divorced her for a younger women. Things she did to him were vile and atrocious. She never touched her other children. My hubby said he wished we never found her because everything she said was his worst fears come to life. He would have rather been left guessing and hoping for the better than to have learned a horrible truth. She never thought about him, never talked about him, and his siblings didn't even remember him or knew of his existance. He also met a few uncles and the first thing they said was "You were tortured as a child! Why did you come back?" If your adoptive family was good to you and love you, sometimes it's not worth finding out about the past.
  • No sweetie you should not feel as tho. she never thought of you. Im 16 & 32 wks. pregnant & I have chosen a Adoption plan for my son. Im scared he will feel the same way but I do not I think of him at every moment & love him more than i love my self which is why I think adoption is a wonderful thing. It was a selfless thing your mother did for your best interest. Yes you should look into it more to see what her reasons for choosing adoption.
  • Do not be concerned that she never thought about you. I'd bet some very serious things that she thought about you every day since you and she parted. As for why she didn't want you - why not accept that she knew she could not give you what you needed and deserved, and so offered you to a family who would? My advice would be not to get to know her, unless you know that she would welcome that. It's possible she's made her peace with that decision, and facing a rejection from her now may now be more painful for you. If it were me, I think I would leave it alone, though one cannot ever really say for sure if they haven't experienced that. Some hurts you can't give away, and that seems like one of them.
  • Katie, I don't know how old you are, but up until about 20 years ago, it was common for young unmarried mothers to be heavily pressured into giving up their babies for adoption. Most of the time, the mothers were told their children were better off adopted by a loving family. Some women also adopted children out because they couldn't afford to look after them. I agree with the advice to approach any meeting with an open mind. Chances are that your birth mum has been thinking about you every day since she gave you up. It's also possible she was a very young girl at the time like only 14 or 15.
  • LynnfromNM is right.. sometimes parents are forced by circumstances to give up for adoption. It does not mean she was not thinking about you. In case you decide to meet with her keep your mind positive and ears open for the reason she shares with you. Hopefully she will tell you the truth and only the truth. :) Best of luck to you!

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