How do I get over that my boyfriend notices attractive women, while I choose to personally keep my eyes for him only? I never notice other men, why isn't he the same?
by 
Kokoro 心
ANSWERS: 41
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Accept that people are different.
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That's not going to change. It's nice of you to be so loyal, but you're not a trained animal, it's ok to glance at aesthetically pleasing people. We understand not wanting us to flirt and have sex with other women, but totally acting like Pavlov's dogs when we're around you is denying a deep rooted instinct. You have to realize that just because you're in a relationship, you are aren't the only attractive person on the planet to your mate.
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My husband MIGHT notice other women! But he sure as HELL doesn't say anything! If he DID. . . . .I'd think he was out of his freak'n mind! That would be terribly ill-mannered and he's VERY much a gentleman! And. . . .vice versa!
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There's nothing to 'get over' really. Men are visually stimulated initially, whereas women seek different qualities in a potential mate/father for their kids etc., By looking at other women he isn't putting you down, just following natural instincts, doesn't even mean he particularly fancies them. If he loves you he chose you both for the way you look and the way you are. What did you choose him for?
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What an asinine question kokoro. I know your bf, and I was there when that question came up. He doesn't notice "attractive women" he notices attractive qualities in people. As in kindness, humility, etc. And frankly, you are the only person he looks at and I know he would never want anyone else. Sounds like he's wasting his efforts on such stupid ideas and you need to go talk to him in person instead of AB, because you two need to talk. wish you the best.
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EVERYBODY notices attractive members of the opposite sex, we wouldn't be human if we didn't. My view is that being on a diet doesn't stop you from looking at the menu.
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I don't know, think is just a man thing unfortunately. I don't look at anybody else because I know no one will ever compare to him. I wish my boyfriend wouldn't do it but I guess he isn't as into me I what I am him.
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Would you want a man who did not or could not appreciate feminine beauty? I should think you would feel superior, and even flattered, that he looks at other women but prefers you. But if there is, as you said, "verbal abuse," then I think the issue here is something entirely different from his looking at women. I suspect there are several issues that need settling between you and him.
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Men are GOING to look. It's a fact of life.
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Men are wired to look at attractive women. It's normal! Worry if they don't. You don't notice good looking guys? Maybe there is something wrong with you.
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In relationships it is natural for people to still find other people of the opposite sex attractive. Therefore, if you happen to see another man that you find handsome there is nothing wrong with that. Here is where the problem comes in: He shouldn't make an effort to look at these women, or talk about them to you, because that is disrespectful. If he finds someone attractive he should keep it to himself, and no further effort should be made.
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He's a man! Get over it!
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Hey some woman look too even when taken, Doesnt mean were going to cheat. lol
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Use the look but don't touch rule. All other women don't become unattractive just because a man is in a relationship. Tell him how you feel. I told my guy that I feel uncomfortable with him looking/talking about other women. I told him if he must look then to always make sure he compliments me. Now when he notices a beautiful woman, he will say wow she's hot but not as hot as you.
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Katespana It is not true! It has been proven women are just as visually turned on by the nude male as visaversa. Look at the huge success of women porn sites and Guys Gone Wild. I was part of a study with men and women and when shown porn women got aroused faster than men! In England women just fought to get a nude male mag printed! Men didn't want to print it. The women won proclaiming women are just as visual. Years ago when women weren't equal we weren't allowed to look at nude males and got labeled not visual. These are true facts!!!
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You need to accept that guys are attracted to a lot of women. It doesn't mean we'd rather have them than you. But to think a guy is not gonna be attratced to other girls is simply delusional. Besides, you wouldn't want some guy who doesn't look at other women, because that would mean he was either A.) Insecure in his ability to control his desires, because he's obviously scared to look. or he's B.) A real pussy. Because every guy with a any kind of set between his legs is attracted to other women.
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Men need to be dominated by women. Don't kid yourself. He will continue to behave this way until you make him stop it. How is easy. Tell him you don't want this anymore. Tell him if he continues to embarrass you, you will not date him any longer. Tell him if he has that much time to dream about others, he should date them or spend more energy making your life with him more interesting. Tell him you want more frm him. You want fun dates, no ignoring and good company or you will also start looking for serious.
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let him look just dont touch - when he stops looking at others he will also stop looking at you - he'll be DEAD!
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"I choose"...your choice wasn't be made to inflict guilt or shame on him was it? I think if I was with a man who never looked at other women I would feel it was odd that he didn't. It's natural and quite normal to look at other people. Just because you are on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu right? Is he faithful? Do you respect him? If so you need to let go of this.
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Men are like that. Mine is the same, even though he knows I don't like it. Try looking at other guys. Maybe that will let him know how you feel.
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It is ok for them to notice. If they ask them out, or pay for other women, drop him in a flash. Or if he calls other women or sees them every week, something could be up. Get him to stop pursuing other women. But looking is just fine. It is in the genes.
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i fill hw can look aslong as he dont act on it
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Men are more visual than women. As long as he just looks and doesn't drual over them, I really wouldn't worry about it. It is only a natural thing for men to do. They were wired that way, and it is one of the differences of the sexes.
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You answered your question with the final words you used to state it: "he isn't the same"! We look; we notice. This is what we DO. I'm sure he looks at and notices other guys, too, even if he doesn't comment on that to you. I'm always astonished to hear that women DO NOT notice other men. I hardly see how it's possible. Yet I hear it often enough, and I generally trust the woman saying it, so maybe it's true. It doesn't make me think that there's something wrong with her; it just helps me to realize that *we are different*. And that's okay.
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If he didn't even notice them, he wouldn't notice you either. That's what heterosexual men do. It's hard wired.
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When some men and women are in love they only have eyes for their mate. Some still like looking! It is not a gender thing!
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See my answer at http://www.answerbag.com/a_view/6715581 ;-)
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tell him that it genuinely bothers you and ask him to stop staring and ogling ... if he respects you, he will ... if not, then there's your answer ... either learn to live with it or find someone else who does respect you
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theres also looking slying so he doesnt hurt you!!!!! theres no harm in quick glance but diffrient if he staring for ages
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As long as he just looks only then there is no problem in it. It is in a person's nature I think. The eyes just roll away....
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Awww hugs! I know how you feel. Does he know how much you love him and that you only notice him? If he does, then he needs to stop hurting you. We all notice what looks nice to us whether it be clothes, cars or other human beings, but if it hurts your feelings, then your feelings ALWAYS come first and should to him. It sounds like he is a very lucky guy and he had better start realizing it before you get sick of him. I would also like to add that (some) of us women love to look sexy and beautiful for our men, but end up attracting other men in the process. I am sure that some men feel insecure when this happens. For every woman your bf is looking at, think about all the guys that find you sexy and notice you! (((HUGS))))
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You're asking two questions, the first answer is, you can't get over it. Either it affects you or it does not. I think it is all about what level of respect you require from your boyfriend. He will do what you allow him to do. If you make it clear that he is disrespecting you, then he should change his behavior; that is if he cares for you and the relationship. The best part of this situation is that you are not married and you can still invest in another who will respect you by not watching other women (particularly in your presence). If he disrespects you now then most likely it will continue deeper into the relationship. The answer to your second question is that most men are visual and women are emotional. Men see beautiful women and react to what he sees. Women are moved by the emotional aspect of the relationship and are so compelled to that depth of emotion.
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How do you get over it? YOU DON'T! It is not a normal or acceptable thing, do not let the modern world fool you. This world has been corrupted by Satan. Your boyfriend is cheating on you every time he looks at another woman. You have to make sure he knows this. "But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart."
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I have been married over 24 years and both my husband and I notice other people. There is a difference between noticing a pretty girl and lusting after them or panting over them. I have even pointed out a pretty girl to my husband, or said what a cute face some guy has. The point is, once we pass them, those people are forgotten and we go home with each other.
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He should not make it obvious, what is he doing?
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You said YOU make a choice not to look, well, he is making a choice to look, he is not you, you can not expect others to be you and to make the same choices that you do. You could always make him wear blinders when you go out. (Joking) You said he notices them, you did not say he stares at them, drools over them, or does anything disrespectful, why is it a crime to look at something?
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In my opinion there's really nothing wrong with looking as long as its not staring or undressing her with his eyes. That would be plain disrespectful. People in general are visual creatures and notice attractive things but it doesn't mean he's thinking any bad thoughts.
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he needs more sexual stimulation from you. that is his way of saying, i need more stimulation. you will have to tucker him out before you take him out.
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Hi Kokoro, Don't listen to those who try to turn this into your fault, like not giving him enough sex. That's rediculous. Listen, men are not like us. They are visual. They all like the curves and I don't see a thing wrong with it. Hell, I point them out for mine and have him rate them. I don't equate his looking to cheating or not loving me. He can look all he wants, but he knows if he cheats, we're through and there's the door. I still have a good job, my own money in the bank, and I don't need him to support me. I do insist on repsect, but he's a big boy and doesn't need another mom. I let him be the man, but I can still have my independance when I want. I'm his partner, not his slave. So, my advice is to relax and let him be a man once in a while. Trust him implicily until he gives you reason to doubt. My Two cents, MLee
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Hi,its in our human nature to be attracted to beautiful women.I love my girl with all my hearth but just like to admire women I do try to look away.Please understand that doesnt mean we dont love you ,its just admiring beauty.
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What's the point? Why not notice attractive men? Is this some kind of woman's code? Men actually are more visually oriented than women, but even if we weren't, what would be the point? Do you notice UNattracitve men? Do you notice other people in the room at all? At what point does not noticing cease to be comradery and become dangerous? Oh, yeah. And did you TELL him about this? Is he to be psychic, too?
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