• How they plan on disciplining children, if they choose to have them.
  • That they will alway's discuss matter's of money before buying something major -
  • What direction do we want to go? Do we have mutual or compatible goals? Do our philosophies/religions agree on major points? Do we want kids and when? How are we going to handle money? Will we support each other in reaching for our individual dreams? Can we freely give each other benefit of the doubt? Does our love tie me down or free me, and how about you?
  • Maybe something subtle like, "Bye the way, have you ever done time for domestic assault?" (just kidding)
  • It's a l-o-n-g list: -how will you handle disagreements with in-laws? -how often do you expect to be intimate? -how many children would you like to have? -who/how re: disciplining children? -who will handle money matters? -who will support the family financially? -who will be responsible for household obligations (cooking/cleaning/chores)? -how will you maintain your home (spotlessly clean, cluttered, a pit)? -how much money is acceptable to spend without consulting your spouse? -how free are you to change your appearance? -what faith, if any, will you practice? -what faith, if any, will you raise children? -will you pay for kids' cars, college, etc.? ...the list goes on. The Catholic church gives an excellent pre-marriage quiz that helps bring up differences in matters that most affect marriage. Even if you aren't Catholic, I recommend it.
  • There's a guy named Michael Webb who's supposed to be a guru in these matters - at least Oprah thinks so anyway. He's written a book with 1,000 questions couples should ask each other before they tie the knot, or even if they have already. There's a write-up about it at
  • "Do you want to?"

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