Should I spy on my teenage daughters (4 of them) internet activity, I have the tools to do so, but resist it?
by 
tmahn642
ANSWERS: 76
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I don't think you should, you should trust your children and they will only feel violated and not be able to trust you if you do!
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I am very familiar with spying techniques. Of course I have no need to do it on my husband and I don't have any kids. Instead of spying, I would suggest very open conversations about the dangers that can be had on the Internet. If you don't feel that something is amiss with any of them right now, it's probably a safe indication. If things start to get weird, by all means use the tools at your disposal to check things out.
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I wouldn't spy on them per se. I would let them know that you have decided to "monitor" their on-line activity. It's not just a matter of any of your daughters getting "wierd" (that would indicate it's too late for an early warning). There are plenty of predators who are extremely good at conning people into doing anything imaginable. I assume they are minors and not adults, so you are well within your rights as a parent to set parameters for Internet useage. This most certainly should be handled in a non-confrontational manner by you. Make sure you have a program that will trace browser and chat activity even if the cache, files and history are cleared. I would not feel right advising you to do anything less. There are too many weirdos waiting for kids to slip up. Why take a chance on even one "event" slipping through and allowing harm to one of your kids? ...swabby...
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Have they given you any reason as to why you should take such action? if not, leave well enough alone, until your suspicions are solid. Once you invade their privacy and they discover the invasion, you are going to have four daughters that will think less of their dad. they will never forget it. Trust is earned. if your daughters have given you no reason for your suspicions, leave the detective work alone. if you have evidence of pornography being viewed by your daughters, first approach them with you findings and let them respond. You can always check on their internet activites, if your suspicions warrant it. Talk to them first. give them a chance to tell the truth before you begin the spying game. They will respect you much more if you use the verbal approach, rather than i spy.
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what do you think they are doing? how do you think (if they discover what you are doing) they will react? i dont think they would be supportive of this, i could not stand to think of my parents doing this to me *becomes paranoid they are doing the same thing* you were a teenager once, you would know how it feels not to be trusted! please for the whole familys sake dont do it! good luck :)
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I've recently had two friends read their teenagers diaries. In both cases they did it because they were worried, and in both cases, the diaries provided helpful information. The decision is up to you, knowledgd is power, but I'd recommend that you NEVER let them know if you do, do it.
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u better do it, u dont want a monster standing at ur door.its ur job to see they r safe. so start spying
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Pattijo Good answer Ipaw
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Only if you suspect they could be putting themselves in danger.
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if i found out my parent were looking at my emails and other stuff i would pretend to meet up woth someone twice my age just to fuck them up then leave home
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With the dangers in the internet. I do spy, but my son is aware that I am doing that. He knows I think the internet is not safe for him to be on without being observed.
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BE OPEN TO THEM DONT BE QUICK TO JUDGE YOUR CHILDREN . THEY DESERVE TO HAVE YOU TRUST THEM UNTIL THEY GIVE U A REASON NOT TO. BECIDES , IF YOU RAISED THEM WITH GOOD MORALS AND KNOW THAT YOU'VE TAUGHT THEM RIGHT ADN WHAT TO DO AND HOW TO MAKE GOOD DECISIONS, TRUST THEM UNTIL THEY GIVE YOU AREASON NOT TO
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The word is "monitor". Randomly check just to make sure that they are not in over their heads.
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Why are we so afraid that our children won't like us if we parent them? You are not in a popularity contest and that's part of the dealof being a mom and dad. However, change your mindset from "spy" to "monitor and protect." Have an honest and open conversation with them about your motives, making clear it is not a matter of trust, just concern.
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I would'nt view it as spying........I imagine a view people on this thread will talk about their privacy but keep in mind.........Kids can have it but only to a degree. You as a parent are here to be a mentor, provider and protector. Not to be their friend. I would monitor their internet activity and let them know that your doing so.
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Only if you suspect anything or feel they arent mature.
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Yes....it's called parenting
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i persoanlly think you should respect there privacy because thats kind of like invading there space... unless your like really suspiscious or something.. or like you have a really bad intinc inside you head..
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No,instead of trying to censor the internet for them, teach them things they should look out for and avoid. Taking steps to force them off certain parts of the internet will make them want to go there more, and they will find a way to get to it.
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when i was younger, i would have said hell no! trust your kid and teach them responsibility. but i'm a mom now and i find the internet to be a useful tool for learning.... and pedophilia. so yes, use the spyware. maybe discuss it with them and explain why first?
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No, but I do think that you should take steps to ensure that they are safe when they are online. There's all kinds of software that can restrict access to inappropriate sites, so you could try that. And I also think that you should talk to your children about the dangers of the Internet, giving personal information and all that. Remind them that the person they are talking to could be a 13 year old girl, or could really be a 40 year old pedophile pretending.
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No, just talk to them about the dangers....I never did anything wrong on the interent but I would have been extremly mad had my parents spyed on everything I do on there...I was mad enough when they went through my MSN convos....
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'Spying' has negative connotations. Looking out for their best interests is another thing altogether. And what constitutes that is relative to their ages and stages. And their outward behaviour. I'd like the security of knowing I had the means to see where they were actually *visiting* on the net, if I had any misgivings or unsettled gut feelings.
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Fuck it, do it. But there are two things you should consider. 1: If you do take a peek, prepare to read or find out things about your daughters that you might not want to know. I'm talking hardcore porn, fisting, whatever. 2: You better not leave any evidence or indication that you did peek, or you will cause them to take precautionary measures against you, which will ultimately frustrate your efforts. They're your daughters and you can monitor their internet activity. Having said that, if you don't find anything that poses a threat to their well being after a few times of "spying," then you should lay off and cut them some slack.
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Spying is wrong if it isn't warranted, your daughters I assume have earned some level of trust from you. Allow them the privacy they have earned if they have earned it.
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How confident are you in your parenting?
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If they were pre-teens, I'd have no problem with it. However, since they're in their teens, I see it as something of an invasion of privacy, though not a serious one. I would, however, talk with them about their activity on a regular basis. If they have a website/Myspace or Facebook page/blog, I would definitely have a look at it on a frequent basis.
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If you believe that they may be accessing sites that could be dangerous, morally or otherwise, I would check on them. It is for their own good. Don't feel guilty.
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You should "Monitor" what your children are doing on the internet. It is not spying, it is your job as a parent to make sure they are doing the right things.
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In any case other than an emergency, where to do so may prove helpful to the person, I disagree with 'spying' on people. I think it's dishonest and deceitful and I wouldn't recommend anyone do it. If you are concerned about your daughters online activities, discuss your concerns with them and let them know you may be randomly checking on their internet activity :)
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I say do it !
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Keeping tabs on their internet is just good parenting. I check on my 15 yr olds use of the internet. I want to know that their is not some pervert out there chatting with him. I think that it should be done in a straitghforward manner. When my son first started on the computer and internet I gave him guidelines and said that I would be checking his use.
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I would definetly keep track of what they do on the internet.There are too many predators out there.
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Don't. You shouldn't 'spy' on your teenage daughters. And if you don't trust them enough to use the internet, you should speak to them.
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Hi, I am a teenage daughter myself and I must say that you should continue to resist this temptation. If your girls found out that you were snooping they will feel like you dont trust them which is hurtful. You should tell them the sites and things they shouldnt be doing and then trust them.
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Yes. All parents should always be aware of what their kids are doing on the internet. The internet although a very nice tool for communication and finding information is also a breeding grounds for the warped. There are many child stalkers on the internet and kids (teenagers as well) can be gullible. Some kids are missing this day becuase of meeting someone on the internet (adults as well) so its always a good thing to know what they are doing.
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Yes! Yes! Tell your child that you have the ability to do so and can and will should you see the need. My 13-year-old son knows that his computer takes screen shots every few minutes and that I can use VNC to see his screen whenever I want. I rarely review the screen shots and peak at his screen a few times a month. One time he had questionable content on his screen which opened the door for a quality discussion. Be prepared to see things you may not want to, but be open for a discussion instead of freaking out. Be especially prepared if your child is a boy as they are very exploratory. Also, should you suspect anything, you have the ability to review screen shots and look at his or her screen to confirm or dismiss your suspicions. Bottom line, it is your house, your computer, your internet access and YOUR CHILD; all of which you are responsible for.
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Spy isnt the word, They should have osme privacy But protect them yes. Check what they do but not what they say to their friends.
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No, don't spy. Leave the computer in a location that you can see exactly what is going on. Let them know that you will be monitoring the sites they are visiting. It's your job as a parent to protect them. I just wouldn't hide from them what you are doing.
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Your home network, and internet connection is a resource YOU manage and the rules should be no different than at work -- the de facto assumption is that things might be monitored. I'd not be paranoid and subversive about it, but definitely you should be actively monitoring and aware of what they're doing.
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Have you taught them what is acceptable? Do you have reason not to trust them? How trustworhty were you when you were a teenager? If you have not set the rules for computer use you should do so and allowing the computer to be kept in a high traffic area of your house will help you keep tabs with out spying. Ask direct questions to get answers this is not a game of good cop bad cop. Respect is going to take you a long way and it is also how you will get it back.
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Nah. Why bother. What's the worst that could happen...run off with some lecher, get killed. What the heck. Be a buddy. They don't need a parent.
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Yes. I have a teenage daughter and wish I knew how. Can you tell me?
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Maybe not so much to see what specifcally they are doing or what sites they frequent... but maybe if they are falling behind in their homework, it would allow you to see where all those hours are being spent.
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The teens is the time for breaking away from the parents and moving on. However, it doesn't happen all at once. One moment she pushes you away, and a minute later she wants to be held like a child. It's on again, off again, until one day she moves away. If you spy on your daughters you will definitely see things you don't approve of. That's the nature of a teen growing up. If you make an issue of it and confront them, you will break any trust they have in you. Your curiosity is unlikely to lead to anything positive, and is very likely to lead to anger, mistrust, and resentment that could last a long time. Just what are you looking for? You know there will be frank discussions with friends, both genders, about drugs, sex, rock'n'roll, etc. So what? Why do you need to spy on your daughters? What are you looking for?
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Yes of course you should do this. Because caring and loving kids doesn't mean that you should be allowing them to do something which could be unfair OR leaving them free at their own will.
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Absolutely!
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NO...you should have conversations with them about choices, what you expect and the dangers of the internet...you should be there when they are on the net, they should show you what they are doing and give you access. They should never lie about their age to boys. Once you are confident that they are being "safe" you can spot check. NOW, if you suspect they are hiding things, they are sneaking out at night, and there's strange guys calling and showing up at the door, then YES...it's a safety issue. However, if you are going to spy be prepared to take action...even if it means calling the police on your own child for doing something illegal.
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I would say yes because there are a lot of guys out there that are really bad guys and I know everyone thinks it wont happen to them but when it does wish they would have done something about it but instead of just spying talk to them about what there doing show you care type thing
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Absolutely. They are minors and as their parent, you have a right to teach them right from wrong. If "checking out" their web addresses visited concerns you, then do it. An internet stranger knocking at your door is not a good feeling of security.
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The question is why? If it's because you can't stand that they are growing up and have or soon will have romantic/sexual parts of their lives and all - then resist. If it's to monitor that they keep safe online and off and you really can stay out of their justifiably private lives and forget the incidental things you come across that aren't any of your business - the most certainly do. +5
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Yes you should. That is your role as a parent to monitor what they are doing. That is my sole purpose as to why I have a MySpace account to monitor what my stepdaughter and stepsons do on there. If they are still living in your home and aren't 18 and paying bills they are still YOUR children.
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you derned well better be spying!!!!! Its not a violation of trust in this case, because it is your job to protect them from themselves. they will understand one day, especially since they will be moms themselves.
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The question YOU have to ask YOURSELF is Will you be able to forgive yourself if something happens and you could have intervened? (ie. Rape, Kidnapping, Runaway, Or even Death?) You have the tools USE THEM! There are people in this world that love you for the fact that you don't! Those are the people that Want so bad for you not to see what they are doing on the net! My oldest daughter is 9 she has her own account like desktop and such. But the internet is heavily regulated! On her account!
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All advice to parents regarding internet use says the same thing : have the internet access in a public place in your house. People ignore that all the time saying they can't do it for various reasons - which really are just excuses. Using spying to replace appropriate parental supervision is just plain bad parenting. You would be violating their privacy because you are not prepared to do what you should do as their parent.
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I think it really depends on age. Certainly anybody under 13 should be under 100% monitoring. You know, even let them know you are doing it. Things do get fuzzy in the teen years, I imaging you could cause some resentment. As they get older and prove their trust give them more privacy. But don't turn a blind eye either. The idea is by the time they are 18 you will be COMFORTABLE with them being in the world with 0% monitoring.
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only if you thijnk they are up to something, or think they are on innapropriate websites. You can always just go on and check the history of what sites they have been on that day, thats not spying. then, if you don't see anything bad or innapropriate, don't spy.
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Honestly: how would you react if you knew you mom/dad was watching what you where doing online? It's normal for teens to want privacy and at fifteen they deserve it! so, no don't spy on them, instead treat them like the strong adults you want them to someday be and let THEM come to YOU if they have a problem.
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I think its good to monitor any young people's online activity! So many young girls are being kidnapped and killed because of pedophiles and crazy people online.
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no way! im 17, and if i found out my mom was monitoring me, i would feel kind of violated. its not like im looking at porn or anything like that, but sometimes i look stuff up on the internet that i wouldnt feel comfortable talking to my mom about. if your worried about the myspace thing, as long as their profile is set to private... DONT WORRY!
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no. let them have there space. and why would u do that? to get in a fight when they find out and have your connection with them weaken?
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rather than secretly spy, openly spy. It's more honest and they'll still resent it but they won't assume you're sneaky. Let them know you'll drop by now and then to give them a hug when they're on their computers, and you WILL look at what they're doing while they're there (just explain it's part of your job as a parent). If they are not comfortable with that, they should not be allowed to use the computer.
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As long as they are 17 or younger, of course you should be spying on them. There are very susceptible to other people and also the amount of porn (both written and visual) is something that children could be viewing,
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Yes. Because in todays society god knows what they could be up to. I have a 14 year old sister and i have to stop her from getting into the dirty stuff. So as long as you keep your limits (Dont like...invade there privacy) but keep a carfull watch on what they do, where they god and on what sites then hell yes! Also, i sugjest Parental blocks. And make sure its something you know that you would keep runnning, because some parental blocks mess up computers. If your really that into keeping them safe, take the computer to the store and say its "Broken" And have them instale a reasonable parental system that will allow you to get emailed whatever they get into...that way theres evidence. (Yeah, im a bitch of a brother. I know)
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yes, just because they are teens does not mean u let them go..they are still ur responsibility and under ur care and these yrs need more supervision than any other time in history!!!there is definitely way more trouble to get into today and parents are way to Lenient ...they are kids..not adults ,yet... actually ,I think it vitally important to monitor and limit internet activity...and that is a parents responsibility because children see nothing wrong with staying on a computer , in front of tv, or on a cell....these are all tools and a luxury but HIGHLY Abused by young and old...so , if u love them , Absolutely.....
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You should restrict their access so they can't go to adult websites. If you don't know that at a minimum you aren't much of a parent.
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ABSOLUTELY NOT !
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OMG No dont do it u will lose the trust of ur kids!!! i get wat u mean bout lookin through there stuff but trust me dont do it i know so many ppl have done that 2 there kides and most of them now regret it!!!
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yes but inform your kids as soon as they find out you did it with out speaking with them they are going to flip out but if you say "michelle come here, i understand you want your privacy however i am going to check on you here and there so why dont you sit with me and lets check your myspace ect togeather" if they get mad they got something to hide. And if thats the case just say flat out "your not 18 this is my computer i paid for i paid for internet and all so what you do is my buiness and if you wont let me look you can hand that keyboard over right now" You can also find someone they bond with that you trust ie I check my little cousins stuff. She didnt want to give mom passwords but gave them to me she knows i will share what i see but not 100% only what mom needs to know. This allows her for privacy on crushes and gossip from mom but mom is not out of the loop.
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Me and my husband have conflicting opinions on "spying" on the kids privacy. I do not like the idea of invading their privacy, however, hubby does every chance he gets. As it turns out, he was right. Our 16 yo son was speaking to SEVERAL older men and taking/sending pics of himself. One of our computers is still at the police station gathering info on persuing an online predator.
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Yes. My wife has always said the computer is the devil and i believe her. the original intent of computers and the internet was to inform and entertain. it has not turned out that way. the information part has taken a back seat to entertainment, specifically porn. Temptations in life are many. for a teenager not to visit porn websites and talk to predators is a challenge. Parents are the watchdog or police over their children. is spying on their internet activities part of being their watchdog? yes. Your child should not object to her parents spying, if there is no suspicious activity on the childs part. never let a child have a computer in their room, behind a closed door. At first, your child will be totally resistent of your spying. thats understandable. good communication skills should solve this problem.
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I put spy software on my computer when my children were younger, because I was hearing things on the news that made me worry some...I wanted to make sure none of that was going on... With this spy software, I saw my children were behaving and not putting themselves in danger...but, I also found my then husband was spending a LOT of time on gay porn sites...so, I got an explanation for our lack of a sex life!
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Do whatever you need to do to keep your kids' safe. If you need to spy, do it. I tell my kids straight on up that their mom or I that we will monitor their Internet activity and who they spend time with, both on and offline. Our job is to save them from themselves, if need be.
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DO IT FOR THEIR SAFETY.
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100% absolutely, to save them from themselves.
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No. How would you like being spied on?
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Your darn tootin you should , my lord if one daughter comes up missing or all four come up missing or even worse than that , you will only have yourself to blame .. the internet is not a toy , it is a scary world and people rape and kill in that world , so yes indeed spy away on them ...
Spicy Hot 
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