You are not obliged to do any such thing. One would hope that most parents were reasonable to their children, and time and hindsight would show this to the now grown children. But if the parents were really nasty then there is nothing that says you are honourbound to look after them in their dotage. That is a matter for your conscience.

IMO I think we should take care of our parents regardless of how inadequate they were. If they were the ones who helped raise you, if they worked and supported you financially at all then one would at least owe them the financial assistance. edit: *of course in extreme cases like the ones mentioned then I probably would have nothing to do with them. I just thought of one of the reasons why my answer wouldn't be along the same lines as many of the other opinions for this question. Even though I am 'american' and I have alot of an american culture, my roots are more asian/pacific islander culture. In that kind of cultureI think there is a much tighter family unit, and the children are, in many cases, automatically responsible for the care of the elderly parents. It is not uncommon to find the parents (grandparents) living with their child and his family. It is that child's responsibility/duty to care for that parent.

No. They should think of that shit when they are abusing us.

Sorry to totally disagree with davoomac, but what if for a lot of your life they were never at home to raise you, spent a lot of the time not working and not supporting you, directly put you in situations where you had to sell your most prized possessions just to get ANY food and have since conned you out of thousands (My Mum, not my Dad)? Stolen from charities and good causes. Sorry, but I would never help to support my parents, especially my Mum.

I am of the opinion that children don't "owe" their parents anything. Parents made the choice to have children for reasons of their own, and the children had no choice in the matter. If parents have acted responsibly and lovingly with regard to their children, they have certainly earned respect. Most of us who had great parents also feel loving enough toward our parents that we want them to live comfortable and healthy lives when they can no longer take care of themselves financially or in matters of daily health care. "Taking care" of them can take several forms, such as financial assistance and checking in frequently, being thoughtful and including them in family events, being a source of transportation, errand running, or making room for them in one's home. In my case, while I do not feel any "obligation" to care for my father (81), I am honored to have oportunities to do so. If he had been cruel, abusive or negligent I would not feel I had any responsibility to perpetuate a comfortable life for such a person.

It is up to you and your Higher Self.By taking care of them you have to ask yourself is this who i am?And what has this got to do with Love.

Actually, you will whether you want to or not, through the social security and Medicare program, and now especially the prescription drug benefit. I think the baby boom generation, of which I am a member, is the most selfish, self-serving, narcissistic, exploitative and piggish generation of people who have ever lived in Western civilization, and since they just voted themselves an enormous transfer of money out of the pockets of Gen-Xers and following, I would say that unless yours treated you especially well and sacrificially as children you are fulfilling almost all your obligations to them by just paying your taxes.

Absolutely not ! I had one of the worst childhoods imaginable due to an alcoholic mother. She is now suffering big time health wise from the alcohol and even though i have somewhat forgiven her in no way do i have an obligation to care for her.

yes, absolutely. they were the one who made a way to let us experience this world. even though they have done something wrong, they are still our parents. we should pay for whatever things wthey have done to us. you just be thankful because by the time you were conceived your parents did not abort you. we were so lucky. you just dont know how those children who are aborted suffer a lot. be thankful for the life your parents gave you.

I think wireflight got it right, especially after reading his/her other comments. There's too much hate in life already to add to it, whether that means by persecuting someone that oppressed you or if it means by abandoning someone in order to get revenge against them. Obviously, you can't prevent the hate that was directed against you -- that's in the past, anyway. However, YOU CAN make it so the hatred stops with them, and you can choose to not let it be a part of your life.

I think the real questions transcend obligation. Most people who embrace this calling get more blessings in the long run than they give. When they come to the end of the road, they have no regrets and may have the opportunity for reconciliation that every child and parent really wants deep ionside. Beyond that, nthe example one sets for ones own children cannot come any other way. When it is their turn, they will be nmore likely to know what to do.

i think its up to the individual person themselves. i would definitly take care of my dad if he ever needed to be taken care of but luckily hes never treated me bad. i wouldnt have the chance to take care of my mum because she isnt here anymore so from that perspective i know what its like to miss parents being around but i cant speak for anyone that has been treated horrible by their parents.

Even if they were horrible parents to you, that means they were there for you, even if it was just roviding the very minimal amount of care possible. You should at least return it to the same standard. However, even if they were horrible parents, no-on is perfect, and the chances are they were trying their best, and doing the best job they knew how (even though it probably didn't seam like that at the time). If you choose not to care for them you are entering into that out of choice. You are making the descion not to care for them. They may have just been blissfully unaware of the bad job they were doing.

What happened to the answer I rated? I got a message saying its rating had changed, and now I don't see it. If it's just a glitch in the system, then fine -- but I'm new to answerbag, and I don't want to be part of a bunch of panty-waist censorship freaks. Add a comment or Email me @ my screen name (a360ndycooper at yahoo.com) and lemme know. I'll delete this and post my thoughts if it seems worthwhile.

Well I'll be bloody damned if I'm taking care of my bloody father when he gets old. I'd rather take care of a perfect stranger! But knowing me, I'd probably wind up doing so anyway

In a word, yes. They might have been ‘horrible parents” in some ways, but perhaps at times, we were acting like “horrible children”. They did not give up on us. I understand that there may be some readers who suffered what might rightly be called abuse at the hands of their own parents. Perhaps our parents were failing as parents. Suppose their abusive training that they received at the hands of your grandparents scarred their own childhood. If that is the case, that is where they, and we learn how to be a parent,from our parents. We are all agents of free choice though, so we have the freedom to leave those negative methods behind and raise our own children in an atmosphere of love. We must break the chain if this kind of behavior is passed from generation to generation in our families. Getting back to your question: It reminds me of the story is told about a little girl who asked her mother: “Why does Grandma eat out of the wooden bowl but the rest of us eat out of our beautiful dishes?” Her mother explained: “Mama’s hands are shaky, and she might drop our good dishes and break them, so she uses the wooden bowl instead.” After thinking about this for a moment, the little girl asked: “Then would you save the wooden bowl for me so I will have it for you when I grow up?” This preview of coming events might have startled the mother, even shaken her a little. But upon reflection, it may also have reassured her—her little girl was planning on taking care of her”. Godly devotion begins at home. The disciple James wrote: “The form of worship that is clean and undefiled from the standpoint of our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their tribulation.” (James 1:27). God’s concern for the elderly and widows is mentioned throughout the scriptures. Proverbs 23:22 says, "Listen to your father who caused your birth, and do not despise your mother just because she has grown old’. Whatever care we can give to our elderly parents is good and the right thing to do.

I don't understand why the lead answers basically say "screw them." Here are my thoughts: 1) This question only applies to people that have the ability to "to take care of [their respective] elderly parents." Obviously, if the respondent hasn't that ability to perform as asked, there is no legitimate foundation for judgment regarding his or her non-performance. Respecting performance, inability is not always a function of pecuniary means, but may derive in whole or part from one or more deficiencies and/or defects respecting an educational, physical and/or psychological handicap. 2) Any respondent knowing, or that reasonably should know, that one or more of his or her "elderly parents" requires such care is obligated to provide that care except as provided herein. Neither prejudice nor ill feelings towards the patient (however justified in the mind of the respondent) is sufficient to excuse one from the obligation of service; however, other fiduciary obligations already in effect at the time the respondent becomes aware of the need may be sufficient to produce inability in the respondent with respect to meeting the needs identified in the parent or parents. 3) The most basic of ethical standards recognizes that any person caring for another, has to that other person within the scope of the care being provided a fiduciary responsibility in every facet or aspect of the life of the person being cared for. Thus is the duty incumbent on the caretaker limited both in scope and with respect to the resources (however defined) available to the caretaker.

You are under no obligations to do anything of this sort.

If they were horrible parents put them in a nursing home. The reason is one they can feed them.Two you probally would get mad at them for there parenting.If they were good parents the least you could do is take care of them because they were nice to you and the raised you.

depends what you mean by horrible, but if they fed and clothed you you do owe them a little bit

I used to think so but I really don't now. My mom always pushed "honor thy father and mother" when I was a kid and we went to church alot. However, my parents got a bitter divorce when I was 11 after years of fighting, my dad re-married and had another family so I didn't see him much and my mother was bitter for years and verbally took it out on me. They weren't the greatest role models. One part she didn't tell me was the follow on to that which says " parents do not provoke your children to anger" meaning don't treat them like they are owned by you or embitter ,frustrate or go at them like it is your right to do so just because you bore them. My father died in 2003 when I was working in Great Britain and we never got time to really settle things and my mother has made some amends in later years and has really helped my daughter out while she is back stateside going to college so I feel I can take care of her for doing this.