Ask a Question
or
Create a Poll
  1. Home /
  2. Questions /
  3. Kids
  4. / Parenting
  5. / Dealing With Bullies
  6. / Dealing With Bullies (General)

by sandidv on September 22nd, 2008

sandidv

Question

Help answer this question below.

My 5 year old son has a 4 year old best friend who frequently inappropriately touches my child. He also tells my son to "shhh" while this is happening. How do we stop this recurring behavior and not blow it completely out of proportion and make it worse

  • Like
  • Report
Share:
Other

Answers. 10 helpful answers below.

  • by Eltinwe has a life Swan - DYOH on September 22nd, 2008

    Eltinwe has a life Swan - DYOH

    Um... it sounds to me like your son's friend is being touched by someone else who is telling him to "shhh" while it's happening. You'll want to look to that as the cause of this behavior.

    Oh, and you SHOULD blow it WAY out of proportion, because there is no such thing as too big.

    • Like
    • Report

    4 comments | Post one | Permalink

  • by Belfast Brawler on December 16th, 2008

    Belfast Brawler

    Go to the police someone is influencing and touching (possibly molesting) the 4 year old, there is no other way he would have learned that.

    • Like
    • Report

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by Moparman3507 on December 10th, 2008

    Moparman3507

    learned behavior by who dont know

    • Like
    • Report

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by Sgt_Major on December 10th, 2008

    Sgt_Major

    I have to agree with everyone else, this sounds very like the 4yr old is being touched by someone else.

    I wish you the best of strength to cope with the future decisions you have to make, I know they wont be easy.

    • Like
    • Report

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by SLIM257 on November 29th, 2008

    SLIM257

    MAYBE HE IS BEING TOUCHED AT HOME OR SCHOOL. FOR A CHILD TO ASSOCIATTE SHH WITH TOUCHING IS UNCOMMEN ESPEACIALLY FOR THAT AGE. I WOULD TELL SOMEONE OR SEE WHAT YOU CAN FIND OUT. I WOULD DEFF KEEP A CLOSE ON THE KIDS WHEN THEY ARE TOGETHER. BUT STAY CLOSE TILL YOU FIND OUT WHAT IS GOING ON. IF THE CHILD TELLS YOU SOMETHING IS HAPPENING THEN I WOULD IMMEDITLY CALL THE POLICE TO YOUR HOUSE.

    • Like
    • Report

    1 comment | Post one | Permalink

  • by BeenThereWillShare on September 22nd, 2008

    BeenThereWillShare

    This is called "acting out". The child is being molested and it should be reported to child welfare. Be responsible and do it.
    This is NOT appropriate behavior for your child to learn. He needs to know that people are not supposed to play with his private parts and to tell you if it happens.
    By reporting it, the child welfare authorities can offer advise on how to deal with your son. They have age-appropriate methods on how to counsel children.
    Mainly, just don't make a big deal out of it to your child. Work it into a conversation but make it brief.

    • Like
    • Report

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by Nursey loves the Sox on September 22nd, 2008

    Nursey loves the Sox

    I think I would worry more about who is touching the 4 yr old inappropriately. He is learning it from somewhere.

    • Like
    • Report

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by ChuckExAnon on December 16th, 2008

    ChuckExAnon

    Boy, this situation is tough...I don't envy you...

    There are many options to consider...but all of them require that this be reported and addressed. But who to trust with your findings is the question and real problem. Do you have someone, e.g., your husband, you can trust to act intelligently and cool-headedly with the information? Don't go it alone.

    Innocent peoples' lives can rapidly be destroyed here by your making wrong assumptions or acting without thinking...and you don't want to be responsible for doing that. There's a horrible crime being committed here somewhere --one of the worst ever, as far as I'm concerned. Think before acting, put yourself in the place of the innocent person who might be accused or suspected. You don't want someone accused, or even suspected of it, if that person is totally innocent.

    As pointed out elsewhere here, the sick "teacher" of the 4 year old could be anyone...parent; older sibling; another child who is being molested and passing it on at play; a daycare worker...the list is endless and it could be anyone. The REAL "teacher" must be identified and stopped!

    Taking it slowly, say being "playful and "happy" with the 4 year old, is there any way you can possibly get him to reveal his real "teacher" to YOU? If you were successful with that, and you learned that it was not one of his parents, but, say, another child or adult, you could then go directly to the 4-year old's parents and feel confident in telling them what has happened. You want to make certain, however, that THEY will contact the authorities (and follow up to see that they do).

    Although the authorities MUST be brought into this at one point or another, as the "outsider" not the parent, they would not be my FIRST choice at the very outset. (Pardon me for not being overly confident in the competence of such. Too many of them are so overloaded with cases, they don't care whether or not innocent lives are disrupted and destroyed along the way...they just want that "perp"...which I understand.

    I want that real "perp" identified and apprehended, too...with the least pain possible to innocent people. Then I want the guilty locked up with the key thrown away...which unfortunately doesn't happen in our "enlightened" society these daze (sic).

    I would love to be able to hear parents of kids to say, without the least bit of worry, "Go out and play...you're getting on my nerves!" like MY Mom used to say. Life was wonderful for us kids back then.

    I wish you well in however you decide to handle this, sandi...Oh, God, I wish you well.

    • Like
    • Report

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by bebeexpert on December 3rd, 2008

    bebeexpert

    this is not right i completely recommend telling the child's parents. but i worry that the childs perent may be touching him and told him not to tell any one and that they will do something to the child like abuse him. ask your child if hes friend threatend him if he told any one something would happen to your child. im sorry to worry u but it may be happening.

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

  • by bagicide stayed 10 months too long on September 22nd, 2008

    bagicide stayed 10 months too long

    I would keep a video camera of some sort handy when the kid is there and film it if possible. Otherwise, it will turn into a he said/she said with the kid in the middle when you report it. And I agree with all the others: you must report this.

    No comments. Post one | Permalink

Want to attach an image to your answer? Click here.

Did this answer your question? If not, then ask a new question or create a poll.

More Questions. Additional questions in this category.

You're reading My 5 year old son has a 4 year old best friend who frequently inappropriately touches my child. He also tells my son to "shhh" while this is happening. How do we stop this recurring behavior and not blow it completely out of proportion and make it worse

Follow us on Facebook!

Related Ads

Related Questions

Professionally Researched

ANSWERBAG BUZZ

My 4 year oldsons acting worried
My child s friend has touched me inappropriately
I don t like my 5 year old son s friend
5 year old inappropriately touched by another child at school
5 year old son s friend touching

Answerbag

a Demand Media company