How do you stop loving someone?

I actually doubt that you want to stop loving anybody. It sounds like you probably want to stop needing or craving somebody.

Love is joyful -- need and craving tend to be painful. In many relationships love and need are mixed up into a complicated soup that makes it hard to tell which way is up.

Love has this timeless, transcendent quality to it, there's no need to get rid of that -- as Lyn says, it can change forms and still be love. If your being-together is over, there's nothing to stop the love from changing into a form appropriate for the current state of your relationship.

But the need or craving is something that you have to deal with in yourself. It can be very painful to be in a situation where you've decided that you need to have someone who is no longer in your life.

Ultimately, these kinds of longings have their root in your own identity. Sometimes we have an unconscious belief about ourselves that we're incomplete somehow -- missing something. It's common to believe that some other person fills in the missing piece and makes us whole. This is a terrible situation to be in if that person is not available -- and even if they are available it makes for an unstable sense of personal identity.

Mostly people resolve these "holes inside" by trying to fill them up with some new distraction: another lover, work, excesses of some kind, etc. Needless to say, a hole in your soul isn't going to be filled like that, although such things can reduce the pain.

The real solution is to recognize that there's a false identity at work: there is no such thing as a human being who isn't already whole and complete. Yet many of us have beliefs about ourselves which are very strong, and those beliefs take some form of "I'm not OK just the way I am". Those beliefs are the source of the hole. They're like weeds that take over and choke off the healthy growth and development of a person.

If you learn how to find those weeds and pull them out by the roots, the hole goes away.

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It depends! How long were you together? The time to heal will be different for you if you spent the past 3 or more years with this person, over only the past MONTH...the level of love you would feel would be different as would the entire history of the relationship.

If this is a short relationship...(less than even one year of your life) or even a longer one... stop and THINK about the big picture...on WHAT do you base your LOVE? Is what you feel based upon having gone through many experiences with this person? What sort of experiences? All good times? or Were you there for each other during hardships too?

How did the person REALLY treat you? With respect and consideration for your feelings? Support for your goals and dreams? Tenderness in bed and out of bed? (IF this was a sexual relationship?)

Look at the good, the not so good and the bad..look at them FAIRLY and honestly, did you get what you needed here, what you wanted, or only what the other person found CONVENIENT to give you?

The feelings you have won't go away over night...unless the other person really treated you like dirt most of the time and upon thinking about it...you realize they WEREN'T worth loving at all...then you may suddenly feel PISSED OFF that you ALLOWED them to treat you less kindly, lovingly and respectfully than you deserve...if that's the case...you'll loose your loving feelings pretty quick...I would bet!

GET and STAY busy for the next month or so. Look into doing things YOU LOVE TO DO that maybe your EX was less than interested in taking part in. Consider volunteering some of your time to help others...pick an opportunity in an area you CARE about. Could be environmental, Animal related, elderly people or Kids! YOU might make a big difference for someone, while keeping busy and healing your own heart...how's that for a heck of a gift YOU could give?

This also may place you in a position of meeting someone ELSE, with a kind heart who is happy to think of someone besides THEMSELVES...a new person to become friends with...male or female...a FRIEND...or someone that might grow into more than a friend...you never know.

Cry when you need to cry...this is healing and removes toxins from your body. EAT RIGHT...not a ton of junk, SOME comfort food, sure, but eat HEALTHY more than anything. Sleep as regularly as possible...not all day, not for 3 hours...a reasonable amount as much as you can. GET UP AND GET OUT OF THE HOUSE...go for brisk walks or go work out! At LEAST every other day...every day if you have time...for at least 30 to 45 minutes...get the old heart pumping...this too cleans out toxins, and raises your endorphins...(a LITTLE chocolate will also raise endorphins as well!) Endorphins are released when we FEEL GOOD. Drink plenty of WATER everyday...hydrate your body and that alone will make you feel better physically!

Remember, there is a good reason you are not with this person...count on that to be TRUE.

If you are talking about a romantic relationship, I don't think you ever do stop loving someone. The love can change forms however - it can change from romantic love to loving the endearing qualities a person has, or loving the time you spent together. One example is that I still love my ex-husband, even though it's 20 years now since we divorced. I love him as a good father to our children, a man with an admirable work ethic, and an ethical person. I love him now as a friend or brother. I think trying to STOP loving someone is a huge strain because it isn't realistic - if you ever did really love that person, there was something behind it that still exists, even if the attendant romance is gone.

you never actually stop loving someone. over time you learn which part of your heart you tuck them in. that "someone" entered your life for a reason....therefore you will never forget them. if you don't forget them then why should you stop loving them? love comes in all forms.........and love never dies....

i love someone so much, and i cannot get over them and cannot think about getting over them. We spent every day together - we promised to be with each other forever (and ever and eternity) She promised whe would never leave me and that we would still be together in heaven. I did the same - but not 3 weeks ago she decided whe didnt love me anymore, she treated me like nothing for 2 weeks, then i ended it because of this. She then came back crying and i took her back, we had the most amazing weekend and then she did it again.... I left her on thursday... and yesterday we made it official. She has no feelings for me and i had done nothing wrong - yet she treated me like crap at the end.

Does this story have a purpose for your question? Yes.

I still love this girl... i love her to the ends of the earth, i love her to the ends of the universe. I keep those promises we made close and somewhere i still illogically and irationally find hope that she might come back to me. There is no getting over her, there is no not remembering her. She was everything to me.... And how do i live knowing she aint gonna come back to me? whew.... answer : i dont. Lol but i have hundreds of friends beside me cheering me up - aprreciated but nothing i want more than to have my former gf lie in my arms and say "i love you". Then there is the effective methods - go out and flirt... get some responses from the opposite sex and feed your inner self with some happiness. Do not think of your girlfriend if possible (i went out for a day with my mate, his gf and this other girl that i was u know, flirting with). I did not stop thinking about my former until on the way home. And afterwards i thought "on the way home i didnt think about her!"

I was impressed and dissatisfied however it gave me hope that maybe life can go on and i can still love someone who doesnt want to be with me. Of course i have spent the last 2 nights drunk also, and going to clubs - this helps alot. You have to be social to "stop loving someone".

You never stop loving someone, i know that. I have found "true love" and it is amazing and it has let me go, i cant do anything to bring it back because i did nothing wrong to let it go (even my former said that :S). The best thing to do is lock it away in a special place inside your head, heart and soul.

Put it away like you lock away a bad memory - but dont see it like that. See it as locking away a good memory in the hope that oneday you can open it again when your former returns to your heart.

And then get out flirt, "rebound" if you really want to. I want to get a girlfriend because the main thing i miss, was my girlfriend being there for me. Love does change... most definitely and i think thats the reason my gf left me. She thought the passion at the start would last forever... i knew different but.. i still loved her for what comes after. You love them for them, for the time spent together and the time you would spend together, for their qualities in personality and looks. Instead of loving them just to see where the relationship is going.

I say goodluck to anyone trying to forget love

You don't have to stop loving someone....just learn to live without them.

If you stop loving someone chances are you never loved them in the first place...

This may not be the best answer but here goes:
1. Love yourself more than ever
2. Stay busy as much as possible
3. Turn it into anger against that person
4 Pick up a Bible
5. Call me...I will be here with great things to put in your ear and brighten your spirits.....

Now, Smile 4 Me!!!!

I'm going through that same thought process now. I ended my engagement just this past week. As much as I love him, I know that it isn't right. Maybe it is just timing. So time will tell. Until then, I have to let go.

How do you quit loving someone that you love with all of your heart?

You don't. Love is an eternal principle. At least unconditional love is. I'm learning that you never quit loving that person. You just learn to live without him.

It's been a little over five years since my first marriage failed because of an abusive situation. I was only 18. We have nothing in common, so there is not any contact. When a thought of him passes my mind, I feel no hate or pain anymore. I remember and feel the unconditional love that I felt for him, but also know that it is over and NEVER again to "ignite." He was a part of my life. To try to erase him would erase that part of my life, and all that I learned during that time.

Love is not just a feeling. It is also an action. The feeling of love may not, and probably will not, disappear completely. But the acts of love will not continue, which will help you let go. By acts of love, I mean the sweet things you did for him and vice versa.

RedHawk gives some of the best suggestions. Do something. Service is amazing.

I hope you feel better. Time heals all wounds.

My best advice, honestly, is prayer. There is a strength found in kneeling in prayer that is nowhere else is this world or life. Somebody is listening. And that Somebody cares.

It’s like tasting a fresh ripe strawberry. Once that sweetness enters your mouth it’s over. From that moment on you know that taste, you know that smell, you know that texture against your skin. Love is the same, once it’s tasted its forever part of you.
Good luck with your loss and keep smiling.
:)

if there was an easy cure then we'd all be jumping on that bandwagon and no one would ever have a broken heart.

let me know if you find it ;)

well when you figure that out please let me know...i feel the same way! what to do?

TIME

you can't stop loving someone , totally. But if you engage yourself in a very busy work schedule, you will have less time to think about someone you love. But stopping totally, well, it's impossible.

Sorry, but you are stuck with the lovesick blues, forever.

It happens. one time in a humans life, they find the exact person for themselves. good looks, good personality, good heart, but.....they are not available for you.

There is nothing you can do, except keep searching to hopefully find a replacement. will you? most likely not.

You are not alone. Mr/Miss Wonderful comes along just once in a lifetime. if the vibes are not right, the union will never happen. its a one-sided love affair.

There should be world-wide broken hearts club.

Membership would be overflowing.

from experience you can't stop loving people but you can fall out of love and begin to understand that the love between the two people is not romantic but you just care for eachother or that person immensly.

Master patience, time will heal the wounds and as you get older the reflection of all things in the past will be different.

You’ve tried to move forward with your life but you just can't help it, you still love him/her. People have told you “learn from it and get over it” but it’s not as easy as it seems because you feel stuck.

How do you switch off those feelings?

You can’t. If you truly loved him/her you will never stop loving. When you truly love someone (I am not talking about the ego-ridden, selfish controlling, fear driven kind of thing most of us think is love), you never ever get over it. That’s just the way love is.

When we fall in true love, we open ourselves to a part of ourselves that is far much bigger and more powerful than just our mind, will and emotions. But because our understanding of this “thing called love’ is so limited (mind, will and emotions) we attach love to a particular person, someone outside of us. We see that person as a love object instead of a reflection of ourselves, a possession to hold onto instead of a conduit for the expression of the love within us.

This ego-ridden, selfish controlling, fear driven sense of love tends to think and act as if both love and time are elusive or actively evading us. We are constantly searching, planning, manipulating and worrying about how love will stay in our lives. We try to hold onto it: set limits on time to call after a date, when to say “I love you”, when to expect a commitment etc. We are distracted by all the other ego-driven impulses such as jealousy, sense of inadequacy, fear of responsibility, not to mention power control.

When the person goes away, our limited understanding of love tries to explain the void left by that person using our mind, will and emotions. We struggle with trying to make ‘”sense’, will ourselves not to think about the person and control our emotions but all that just ends up in a frustrated effort. Occasionally, our limited understanding tries to get the person back using the same futile attempts and when that fails too, we try using the same limited understanding to try and move on, but with no apparent luck.

What do you do with those feelings of love?

1. Sort out what is true love and what is ego-fear -driven about your feelings.

2. After you've established what is true love about your feelings hold onto that. Don't be afraid of what's in your heart.

3. Do some real inner cleaning up of all the junk that is keeping you in ego-ridden, selfish controlling, fear driven ways of loving. This does require risk in the sense of losing "grip" of what you have been familiar with all your life. But this step in absolutely necessary - no one can do it for you. It is this liberating of yourself that leads to a condition of happiness never before experienced.

With an expanding perspective of love, you will start to draw into your life people who reflect the balance and love you have achieved internally. Depending on where you are at, you will attract (i) people who are also searching for their inner balance/peace, or (ii) people who have already been on that path and found what you are searching for, people who will help and support you through your own journey.

I have had clients who are drawn to a chance meeting with an ex and because they are vibrating a different energy, the feelings are rekindled both ways. In other cases, they call me up and say, I met my ex at such and such a place “I still love/him/her but I do not feel like we are right for each other anymore” and they meet someone else. I have also had clients who try to reach out to an ex but found the other person in the frame of mind where they think and feel they are happier with someone else. But they are not devastated because they understand the nature of love and are confident that they will experience those feelings with someone again.

Don't surround yourself with imagined limitations, and deny yourself the opportunity to experience true love!

Time, time is a healer.

think about how horrible the person is... just make up stuff lol

I don't :)

I agree with the Science_greek answer to your question, if you truly love someone you will always love them. There are 3 phases that you need to go through before the feelings will go away (at least these are the ones that I went through) Hurt, confused, then just down right PISSED off.

Once you reach the 3rd you will be ready to love again. Stay away from the bar's, you are only looking for trouble there, and no good ever comes from getting drunk and going to bed with someone on the rebound.

Good Luck

It's not easy to stop loving someone that you no longer have a relationship with, whether by their passing on or by ending the relationship.

Many times, time and accepting the situation (along with a few million tears), will have to run it's course, but you will find that you hurt a little less each day.

If you have a close friend, or circle of friends, open up and communicate about how you feel. Talking about it often helps the healing process.

Many people, unfortunately, turn the love into hate and anger, which affects them in a negative direction, and in many cases makes them physically ill.

What I will advise AGAINST for you right now is starting another relationship (a friendship would be ok), as you are vulnerable right now, and open to further heartache.

If you truly love somebody I do not believe it is possible to ever completely stop loving them. Even if your feelings are changed to hatred they will still be based on love at their roots. (I do not believe that is is possible to truly hate anybody that you do not feel a deep emotional connection to anyway).

What you can do, if you do not wish to be in a relationship with the person any longer, is to stay away and concentrate on the reasons why. Of course the best solution is to find a new interest.

Remember though that actual true love does not ever die completely.

when i am loving someone i gave all the things and emotions i can give.. and sometimes i don't know where and when to stop, though ive been hurting so much from that person though i always woke up one morning that the person i love so much and thought that i can't leave without is just an ordinary person to me now.. happened to me twice.. that how my heart stop loving someone... :/

It is really really difficult. Specially if u have love him/her genuinely and from the bottom of the heart. That feeling will never leave you eventhough u may reduce seeing each other or talking to each other. It is something that will always be with u in ur soul, heart and mind... So I don't think it is possible if u love so deeply.

Filowiya

I don't believe you can just stop love or erase it from your existance, doing so is being in denial and you'll only be bitter and miserable. Love endures. If it's real it doesn't end. But I believe that you can redirect your love into just caring about that person and how they're doing- at least over time. Then you're still loving them- just not in the way you would like really like to. If you can't stop loving somebody who died, I'm still confused with that subject and can't help you there.

Love can sometimes blind us to the reality of what we really have. And although it's difficult, we can choose to love someone and we can choose to stop loving them.
Choose to stop loving them.

how do i stpo loving someone

Not start in the first place.

Getting hurt so badly the pain of what they did wipes out any feelings of love you had.

the only way to stop loving a person is to love another person more than you loved the last.

Love someone else.

The only cure for love is love itself.

Period.

Think about their bad side if they have one.

Send them a telegram or an email stating that you've been slowly falling out of love with them and they are so self absorbed that they haven't been noticing.also add in summers coming and i need time to watch naked people on the beach

Im in a similar situation. Im in love with one of my friends. She has a boyfriend who always brings her down and she always complains to me. I finally got up the courage to tell her how i feel and she told me that she is in love with her boyfriend. Whenever we spend time together we both have a blast. When we talk on the phone she tells me things like my laugh is her favorite sound and it gets my hopes up for something more. Then i'll read a comment she wrote on her web blog the next day about how much she loves her boyfriend. It hurts me so, but there is nothing i can do. I just do my best to hide these feelings inside when im around her, and just try to enjoy her company. Of course it all comes out when she isn't around, but thats ok. In many ways I wish she would jus hate me so i dont have to care so i can turn my feelings against her, but this is not a cure. I guess it will just take time to let her go, or maybe someday she will realize all the love she has right in front of her and love me. Im guessing not though... Well so i guess just try and let time heal your wounds, but i feel if you love her enough to never give up hope.

I too do not believe that you can just stop loving someone...

When heartache feels like physical pain, you know the person you lost, was really someone special...
The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right next to her, knowing that you can't ever have her in your life...
Time can heal all wounds, time can help you forget, time can help you move on, but, time can never give back what has ended...
When you give your everything and it amounts to nothing...
Sometimes letting go is so hard, but it is easier than holding on to something that is not there...
Saying good bye isn't the hard part, it's what we leave and what is left behind thats tough...
As we left and said our good byes, you forgot to tell my heart how to live without you...


I believe that love is what drives us all insane, and when you are with someone, you are never love blind, but you are more forgiving in all aspects of one's life... there is a grace quality in everyone.
As Damien Rice says... I can't take my mind off of you!

Laziness... loving someone is effortless and powerfull in the beginning, these feelings take much more effort over time. Some know this, some learn this, others continue to believe love should never take any effort and when it does, the love is lost...

Truth is, nothing worth having comes easy. The more work it takes the more you truely appreciate and cherish your partner.

If you allow yourself to truly give this extra effort without expectation of anything in return, you will find pure happiness, which is true love.

It is in a way impossible to but yet its not because if you truly love someone you will never stop but if you dont truly love them it will take time to get over them i say about a month or to but if you do stuff and get on with your life it will take about two or three weeks.

Love is addicting and irreplaceable;
It solves all desires through one affect.
You’re happy as ever and when you’re miserable without them just think why you loved them in the first place. It could be things in common, personality, appearance.
By all means, they’ll always mean the world to you, why try to leave that?
It’s a gift. Be encouraged and feel the need to love more, don’t be scared of it, don’t hold back!
Love is mostly and truly oblivious.
If there is a way, there is a will.
And if you can seem to not hold it back, throw it all in and try again and again.
“once you don’t succeed, try again”
Or, just leave it dangling and tell them “ I’ll always love you”
One day you’ll get an response..


Love is impossible to stop, you love to much to start with.

About 3 years ago, i was on the internet asking myself and the world wide web how to fall out of love. I was in love with my racist friend, im mixed race. Thats all that needcs to be said, but it was love at first sight, he never knew and i couldnt hold it in any longer.
So as a result to him not finding out and me moving on with my life i wrote a diary, which i just wrote in when i wasnt doing anything at all or had alot to say, my sort of action was along the lines of 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind' An excellent film about having a certain procedure to erase someone you love or something e.g an accident from your memory.
----Get everything they ever got you, reminded you of them, songs you loved together, photographs ect and get ride of them, right down how you feel about them, when you met, all the times you have been together, writing out the story will help you understand your love, why loving them isnt a good thing for you anymore and except things, write about moving on, all the things you want to do in life or even things you have already done.
----And in time (Do remember that you cant rush a good job, depending on how much you love them will depend on time it takes to forget about that love. for example REAL love, not writting there name on your hand love, REAL love, along the lines of marriage material. Maybe even Willing to risk your own life to save theirs. That sort of love is going to take more than one or two diary entries) It would also help to stay 100% away from them, if possible, there should only be your memories to remind you of that love. And i found the more i tried to explain myself about that love (as if i was talking to someone about it) the more it just seemed like words and my relationship was so surreal anyway so it almost felt like a was reading a book, not a very friendly loving one at that!

This worked for me, but not everybody is the same, or even loves the same as others, so i hope i was helpful.

It takes time....I don't believe that you keep loving a person...well, if it's an ex per say. I don't love or care about anyone I have dated or been in a relationship in the past. It took me time to get over them.

There is no magic answer . Somethinfg like True Love can never stop.I asked my self that same question several times .I have loved someone for almost the past 10 years and no matter if we are apart ,dating others or trying to forget it never works .I just wish for once we would get it right because we are eachothers best friends and even spoke about marraige ,kids everything ,neither one of us is perfect I guess people through there insecurities and lack of faith stand in there own way.I don't know like I said their is no magic answer unless of course what you think is Love is not really Love at all in that case you must look within to find the question is not how do you stop loving someone its about learning to love yourself

you dont there just there no matter what, u can just avoid thinking about them by enjoying your life and understand that the other might not feel as you do and one day you wwill find someone that is perfect for you

By loving yourself first and loving yourself more.

Your heartaches are arising from your own insecurities and fears that you were able to transcend with your love bag. Now that your love bag has broken, you are in free fall and vulnerable with all these fearsand insecurities out of the bag. You may try to mend the bag, and keep them with you until the next love which yyou unload them, or take them out of your bag one by one and face them and overcome them. Then you can love without preconditions and accept the other person for being themselves, even if thehy withdraw from you. Tough lesson but it will make you a stronger and truly more loving person. Expect a lot of heartbreak from the breakup, but use this time to explore the roots of pain, pssoibly with a professional, resolve them through reasoningm, Gestalt, or whatever mthod you choose, and arise like the Phoenix out of the ashes inot the beatiful person you are, but have not yet recognized. Foregive your loss, which means you accept it; take responsibility and not blame....and most importantly do not dwell on what they are thinking of you..it does not matter...your worlds are "worlds apart"now, and they have their own sufferings and truths to come to terms with; Hopefully your love was meaningful for them so they have a basis to repair alos. It's hard, but do not miss the opportunity to truly improve yourself as a person.

If I knew id of done it by now instead of putting on a fake smile every day of my life :(

...by living in a delusional self-identity...

yet if the state of un-love is delusional, fictitious, unreal...can you, in reality, stop loving someone?

can you?

Well my dad always told me the best way to stop thinking about someone , and to try and get over them was to imagine them sitting on the toilet doing a number 2 , unless you like that sort of thing , completely forget that o.o , give it time to sink in and you'll find you'll learn to live without them. :) I know this from experience , you can't stop loving someone with the click of a finger , since when are things that easy? You always need to put a little bit of working into something to get something out of it. Do things to take your mind off of it , do out with your friends , have fun . Just avoid the stupid things such as taking drugs , etc. You'll then realize you can do things without the other person . You're independent . :) Smile and stick a middle finger up at the world :D Give things time and you'll learn how to see things differently. You may not stop loving the person , but the type of love CAN change :)

That is no longer an option.