ANSWERS: 21
  • Oooh, that's really dependent on the person. I'm sure most wouldn't mind assistance, and won't get all huffy about it.
  • Often it depends on the amount of time they have had to learn to deal with and understanding their disability. By this I mean, if its a new one then their still dealing with a lot of emotions along with the disability and this can cause them to some times snap at people, not that they mean to, they just are not comfortable themselves yet. If its a person who has had yrs to deal with their disability their are often very independent and do not look on them selfs as having a handicap therefor prefer to do for themselves. People who are dealing with temporary handicap sure as a broken leg, some injury that keeps them in a wheelchair will gladly except help. You have to learn to ask in a nice way if they need anything, and if they really want or need it they can except, never push yourself upon them. Its 100% their choice if they need or want help, after all would you want someone to force themselves upon you, say "Sir or Madam I'm going to take your car and park it for you" and never give you a choice, just grab you keys and do it. How would you feel? I grew up with 2 girls both were deaf and people treated them badly at times but you know, they were no different than you or me. One was born deaf and one was hit by a car at the age of 3 yrs old and lost her hearing, both went on to live full lives. I myself am almost deaf in one ear so I understand alittle, and ever yr at our local fair for the last 8yr I have worked with the Handicap making sure they have no problems at the fair and get proper seating in the grand stands. I guess what am asking is just be a little more kind and less offended if someone turns down your help.
  • well my father is handicapped and he is a very proud man, usually he will refuse help only for the reason that he does not believe just because he is handicapped people should treat him any diffrently then they would a non handicapped person. He does not mind that people ask but it does make him feel very incompatent sometimes, even if it is something he may need help with.
  • All people have their sense of dignity. Handicapped people are no exception. While you may see their handicap, some of us have our "handicaps" where they are inside of us. I know that with me living by myself, enjoying freedom, seems to invite people to want to help me with everything and don't understand that I don't need anything, but if I do, I will let them know. Struggling in life is another way of getting stronger, so don't feel bad and just smile and acknowledge their efforts. If they need help, they will ask you to help.
  • they would appreciate help .......and help only but sympathy or charity is not welcome give them opertunity to be equal not charity
  • It depends on how you say it? Ppl will appreciate you caring, but may not actually need or want help. You can say something like, "Should I offer to help you?" whihc shows you are interested , but unsure whether they would like help? Some times voices sound gruff because of the effort involved in being independent, or ppl are tired of being stared at.
  • Some do, some don't. The best thing is to ask respectfully. If the answer is no, then that is the end of it.
  • a darn good question, and one that i have had to deal with since an injury three years ago has taken away my ability to get around or drive. prior to my injury, i always sensed a vast majority of handicapped folks did in fact appreciate assistance when given. when someone who is handicapped and acts like a jerk, and i mean a jerk, they do so because they have not learned to deal with what life has given them. dignity or not, doing by themselves or not, it is a tough situation, and a helpful hand is always welcome. at first, i felt i was treated different and it ticked me off. after talking with my rehab doctors, they said all anyone is trying to do is to make life a bit easier. i have a lot of pride, a lot of dignity, and as an ex jock who played college athletics, i never dreamed about being handicapped ---- but it does happen. for those of you who lend a helping hand, thank you very much. i dont like it, but it does make my life easier.
  • I ask "would you like some help?" - I can't think of a politer way to ask. What they do with my offer is up to them.
  • I loved it when folks would open the door for me while I was in a wheelchair...or get something for me off the high shelf in the grocery.
  • I have to use a cane to walk and I really appreciate it when I am going into a big box store, and someone will hold the door open for me. It is hard for me to open the big heavy doors, going into them stores. Naturally, I am referring to the ones that are "not" automatic opening doors. I always say (Thank You Very Much), for the help..I am in no way offended!!
  • I'll give you some advice here. Let them do it themselves and then after they try and fail, open it for them. If they bitch ask them if they would prefer if you remained rude and tell them your parents obviously taught you how to treat others and their disability does not excuse them from treating others with respect. I am disabled. I like to do things on my own but when I struggle I appreciate the hand and treat others with respect. A disability is no excuse to behave like an ass.
  • This one is hard for me because I do not think that I act all that rationally around this issue. I have one leg and use crutches instead of a prosthetic leg. It is of course really obvious, and I hate when people make too big a deal of it. I completely hate it when people assume that I can't do things and try to help me do things that I don't need help with. It feels so paternalistic, and I hate it. I'm proud of what I can do (almost everything) and hate being treated like a kid or like I am stupid. On the other hand. there are lots of little things that are helpful or save me time. For example, I love when people hold doors for open for me, because they can really slow me down. When I am shopping or carrying a lot of things for work, it;s helpful for people to help cary things for me if I am not using my backpack. People who know me well just intuit what is helpful and do it without saying anything. The part where I am irrational is when people have to guess what I want and whether to do it for me, and I get mad at them for doing or not doing it. I know that sometimes I act like people should just have ESP. For example, today in the grocery store I dropped my shopping list and a guy just picked it up and gave it to me. That was great because it is awkward for me to get down and pick something up off the floor, especially when I am holding things like I was. Later my good friend saw me drop some coupons. She also picked them up for me, but it was as if she was doing me a big favor and she talked about it too much. I felt furious with her, but did not say anything because she is a good friend and wasn't really saying anything wrong. I know that it is sometimes hard to know how much to help. I definitely need or at least appreciate help sometimes, but I sure could not give you any reliable rules for deciding when to help and when not. I guess that I would say that you should not offer mush help unless asked, and if you do help, don't make a big deal of it. And thanks in advance for trying to do the right thing without good guidance or advice from me or anyone wlese who has a disability.
  • I think it depends on how you "offer". I, personally, have a balance and distance problem. I don't stand and walk well without a cane, and can't for any length of time, because of my balance situation. So I drive a scooter away from home, and roll around in a wheelchair at home. I have no toes, and my left knee won't bend more than about 90 degrees, making it difficult to reach things I've dropped. I guess the ones that "bug" me the most, are the ones who simply stand back, and say, "Do you need some help?", rather than just doing it. Either way, when they do, I will say "Thank you", but it's a bit harder when they wait for me to ASK for help, when it's obvious a LITTLE help may be in order. If if seems you are "taking over" the situation, then it feels like you don't think we can do something, when we may be perfectly able to, even if it takes some effort. Asking if you can help, normally implies incompetence for us, and many of us are VERY capable. If you see something we're trying to do (say we dropped our cane/crutch, or something we were carrying, or we're heading for a door, and it's OBVIOUS we will or COULD have difficulty getting it or into the door), don't ask, just pick it up, and hand it back to us, or open the door, just as if a non-handicapped person dropped something, or were close behind you. Don't RUN to get to the door before us, if you can walk fast, or are by us, we'll usually let you go first. In those cases, we appreciate you holding the door. If you run to get their first, you're kinda taking over the situation. If we open the door and hold it for YOU, go through. Don't demand that we go through before you. There are, many times, a door inside there, where we may have a bit more difficulty. Don't ignore us, either. We like going to places just like you do, and, while we may "hang back" at times, so kids can get in front of us to see things, don't assume we aren't interested, and step in front of us with them. YOU are standing. WE may not be. (Here's my experience going to the Indy Zoo - http://www.orangefrogproductions.com/ofp2o_auth_ops_boobs+asses.shtml . Hopefully, it will show you what I mean, here.) Treat us as you would others. Don't pity us. Don't ask too many questions. Most of us are willing to give a short version of the problem we have, and many non-handicapped/non-physically-challenged KNOW people who have similar problems. We don't all act the same. We have bad days just as non-handicapped do. Don't let us "flounder", just do it. It might be a "gruff" thanks you get, but it will be appreciated. Again, ASKING if we mind your help sometimes implies we obviously NEED it, when we don't, really, but appreciate it when you just DO it. Again, treat us like you would treat others. You don't ASK non-handicapped people if they need help, you normally just DO it. Well, we're normal. Just do it! ;-) (So, asking for forgiveness, in this situation, is usually better than asking for permission! LOL)
  • I think the best thing to do is offer a polite "may I be of assistance?" If they say no, leave it at that. Some people who are newly disabled are trying to work out what they can and can't do for themselves. Sometimes they get frustrated when people try to do everything for them, because then they can't work at learning how to do things for themselves. However, I feel that general polite behavior is fine, like: holding a door open for someone, or pulling a chair out for someone to sit down, picking up something that someoen dropped etc. Those are things that you would do for an non-disabled person anyway.
  • I am in a wheelchair myself. I have only been in it for the last three years out of the sixty I have been alive. When you meet some bitter in a whelchair they were bitter before the ended up in a chair usually. Just like angry seniors that did not just arrive when they got older. I am both older and disabled and still just as happy as I have always been so if you want to help me I will say "Thanks and have a great day"
  • I'm in w/chair and most appreciate when someone puts themselves in my shoes for a minute, and goes, "Duh, yes, I'd like it if someone opened this heavy door for me." I've been in a chair for 14 months and find everything to be a struggle, so anything that anybody does for me, saves me energy to do the things only I can do. If you want to help and don't know how to express it, say, "What would help?" They'll know what you're referring to saying nothing more than that. "No one ever promised me I'd walk every day of my life." ---Z.
  • simply offer, "may i help you?" if the person snaps back, then so be it, but at least you offered. NEVER jump in and help without asking first!
  • They are always happy to get my help. I'm handicapped myself, but the stuff I can do for other handicapped people, they are always happy with.
  • Always offer if it appears they could use help. Me too:)
  • We dont mind help,but some do offend us at times.

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