Try to put aside for now how his actions make you feel, and try to understand why he's doing what he is. It sounds as though he's undergoing some kind of religious conversion experience, and this is what you need to wrap your mind around. That is, what are the relevant beliefs, attitudes and actions that he's going to be changing now. For example, is he going to believe that women should be totally dominated by men, as some do (not all people with religious convictions believe this, but you want to find out if *he* does). For another, what's driving this change in him? Where did he get the idea to make these changes so suddenly? It's understandable that you might feel hurt and rejected right now, but you need to look at the bigger picture -- you may want to do more than just give his ring back; you might want to run as fast as you can. On the other hand, you may want to embrace and support his new beliefs and practices. So don't make your mind up based on a knee-jerk emotional reaction to a change that he's making in his life.

Only if he asks for it back and doesn't want to be engaged to you anymore. He is in the zealous new convert stage if he has moved out. Give it time. If you still love him, be patient and learn all you can in an unbiased way about his beliefs.

Thanks Wasp. My family and friends say run. They have a "bad" feeling about what he's doing. I feel like he's been stringing me a long for almost 2 years now. i am hurt and i want to punch him in the face (thats the italian in me!) i don't know why he's changing, he's given me 4 different reasons, his work is at the cape, he's spending too much on gas, he's sinning and wants to "court" and he wants to wait until his divorce is final. The fact that he told me sunday and already has an apartment leads me to believe he had already made his mind up without talking to me. Did i mention the way he left his wife? He secretly moved all his things out and left her a letter. Thats it after 35 years, a letter. i'm thinking maybe i should run. i have always been a fun loving, happy, independent person and i'm not feeling it lately. he does want to change my life, get rid of my daughter, grandson & roommate, sell MY house and move to south carolina. I'd be willing to bet he'll be gone after his divorce is final. See? have to have trust and i don't. i've been single for 23 years and i was totally happy. I do love him but I love the him I first met. If its a midlife crisis, good luck to him. Call me when its over and maybe i'll be around. also the italian in me :) thanks for the advice. Right now I can't feel sorry for his issues, I believe he's doing it so his wife doesn't take him to the cleaners, money motive. oh i'm so tired of thinking about this. its filling my brain and draining me. thank you again wasp.

He is developing religious beliefs that are incompatible with yours. That is likely to be a real problem for a long term relationship. Particularly the "no discussion" bit: if his new beliefs cause dramatic unilateral changes to your relationship now, what else may happen in the future? I would say that it puts up huge great warning signs for a long term relationship on any basis. Unless you can understand his new ideas, and are happy with them, I would suggest that you run. It is much more likely to get worse than better.

Someone here is not listening to what is preached. I'd argue that he is following what he believes. He wants to be a good husband and boyfriend. The issue of "sinning" should go away once you get married. Don't give the ring back. You should be proud of him. These actions will pay off in the future.

I dunno -- maybe I'm a little biased on this because I'm an atheist and I think sex is a good and natural thing to do -- but also, the fact that he didn't talk to you about this first and just dumped all this on you seems like BS to me. If I was being told I should believe something different and it concerned my SO, I would talk about it and get their opinion and feelings, and then decide what I think about it. Also, the other things you've described about him in your accidental answer make him sound kind of shady and assholeish... I can't tell you what you /should/ do, ultimately it's your descision, but it sounds like he's a bad influence on your life.

-Sweet T is on Cloud Nine XOXO F.B.B. Sep, 04 2008 at 09:13 AM They are doing all kinds of sinning, look at her answer she posted. Sweet T - you don't know me at all. I know i'm a sinner, you're not? At least i'm being open and honest about mine. Please don't judge me and frankly i don't think your opinions will help me so maybe you should try to help someone else. I am at fault myself, i have a very low self esteem having been in an abusive marriage, and after 23 years of being single i'm not sure i even KNOW what to do. I am forever second guessing myself. I think he may be going thru a mid-life crisis and he's a wonderful, sweet, shy man who also never learned how to love and never allowed to voice his opinion in his marriage. All he was was a work horse that handed out money. I also have never learned to TRUST but now is a good time to start. I was raped when i was six, my mother treated me like crap growing up (i'm not blaming her) and i was anorexic. i raised my daughter alone working 2 jobs and tried to compensate for a father that wasn't there so find someone else to insult. I am very proud of my accomplishments in life and spent 3 years in the army. Right now i am also raising along with my daughter, my grandson who's father is in jail for a long time. i'd like to thank everyone else for their input, it really has helped me tremendously to the point where i had to call him and apologize for being so selfish and thinking of myself when he is going thru all this. Peace and God Bless.

If he secretly moved all of his things out and cowardly left his wife a letter, that's a red flag right there. I'm thinking he's just using this whole church thing as an excuse to leave you. Especially if he already has his own apartment set up and you're just now finding out about it? He wasn't concerned about eternal damnation while having sex with you for the past 3 years was he? Nothing will stand in the way if a person TRULY loves you all this crap he's feeding you are only excuses period! Really sounds like he wanted a way out of the relationship and is only using this church thing, finding God, sinning blah, blah blah as an excuse to leave. Actually you should be thankful your finding out just how shallow he is now before marrying him. Keeping the ring is a choice you have to make and you shouldn't feel bad whatever you do. First husband,I kept the ring and then pawned it(he left me with 2 kids & alot of bills...long story) If you do decide to keep the ring know that it may only serve as a constant reminder of him do you really want to be reminded everytime you see it what a jerk he is and how he left you? Not saying to give it back to him. Hec pawn the damn thing and go buy yourself something nice and pay off a couple of bills. Why should you give up your family and move? It's his loss NOT yours! This is why I'm religion-free no pressure to except other peoples ideas and free of the fear that I'm going to burn in some hell for eternity. I'd tell him to stick his bible where the sun don't shine...enough said. Good luck to you;)