Send him to his room and if he trashes it then he needs to clean it afterwards. If he has too many toys to clean himself then it is time to get rid of some of them. ' The way we deal with my 3yo is to reward him EVERY time he is good. I do not mean every time he has done something nice, I mean if he normally pees himself, reward him for going to the loo. If he normally hits you, reward him verbally every 30 mins or so that he does not hit you and give him a treat when he does not hit you for a whole day. Sooner or later he will learn and then you can make the gaps between rewards longer and longer and longer.

Time out your son on a chair right where you can see him. Yes, of course he's going to get up - so pick him up, tell him that he's in time out and carry him back to the chair. You'll probably do this a hundred times until he gets it. Consider buying an egg timer so he can see how long time out lasts. Every time he gets up, reset the timer - but don't add time. You'll end up with a two hour time out! Also, take away privledges when he gets up from time out or as an alternative punishment - dessert, storytime, going to the park...just don't threaten and not follow through, and don't bribe your child.

The question is why does he do it? It is not normal for a kid to behave this way.. Instead of figuring out ways to punish him, why not solve the problem by understanding your child, and effectively communicating with him. Also, children are not dogs. You can't teach them manners by simply punishing them when they are bad and rewarding them when they do something good. They are little people, and you have to make them understand why something is good and why something is bad. He has a mind of his own, teach him to use it. Do you think his behaviour might have something to do with not giving him the proper attention? Not communicating well with your child? Not developing a friendship with your child? And of course, love - and showing him as well as verbally telling him that you love him all the time is crucial - for his healthy development today, and ultimately, for a healthy adult of tomorrow. Best of luck!

I dont think its a good idea to send the child to his room. This only makes things worse and his room becoms a place of punnishment.

It is ok to spank your kid.

I have kids too, I'll tell you exactly what to do. Beat that ass. Not to death but beat that ass. He'll listen for now on.

Melissa, you certainly have a problem. It may be psychological or physical or a combination. Talk with a child psychologist...they are available at many places in any large city and many will work on a sliding scale (for fees). Your son may need medication, possibly diet modification (lay off sweets and sugars and other "energy" foods). Possibly counseling for your son...and for you. There are many solutions but violence is not one of them. Being violent won't solve the problem. Keep giving lots of love and hugs and see a professional. God bless.

I don't think child psychology or therapy or any of the is necessary. Neither do i think that your child may have ADD or ADHD. The problem may not lie within how your child reacts to you, but how you react to your child. You need to be strict, but not aggressive. Calm, but serious. If your child is hitting you and throwing toys, you might have to give him a slap on the wrist to show him "That feels bad, doesn't it?" The human brain learns through trial and error. If your child does something and you just let it go, then you are only adding heat to the flame. When a child does something WRONG you have to show them that it is WRONG. When a child does something RIGHT show them that it is RIGHT. My younger brother is 6 years old. My parents tell me they didn't have to fight with me when i was growing up but this one is a rascal. How we (most of the time, I) deal with him is that we take things away from him and only give them to him in quantities that he deserves them in. All of my brothers toys are in the basement, somewhere where he is NOT allowed to go. This was made very clear when I scolded him and have him a spank. If physical force is used to discipline your child do not repeatedly use the action in the same instance. The initial action is enough to cause the child to understand THIS IS WRONG, DON'T DO IT AGAIN. Doing it more than once will just make them break down and cry, and they wont understand any of it. If you spank your child for hitting you and they cry and want you to hug them and make them feel better, the first time they ask, tell them no, say "When you hit mommy, you don't give her a hug to make her feel better" and kids at that age don't understand that Hitting and hugs are unrelated but in that instance they will most likely stop hitting all together. Apply the same principles to other things. Moderation is the key, don't over do it and turn your child's early life into a strict regime.

just figuire out that whatever you are doing, it is wrong. is he jealous? where is the father? is he an only child? what does he like to do? he needs rewards not discapline? a pat on the back, not the butt. make a room with nothing in it. then just the two of you be there. maybe he needs a hug. or maybe a sitter was mean to him.

*edit* Sorry, meant to post this as a comment.

One word, ketamine.

Give me a massive break. 3-year-olds won't sit still long enough to listen to a dissertation as to why they need to be in "time out". This kid is obviously not "defenseless"--HE'S the one kicking and being violent! This very type of passive parenting is what's producing kids that walk into schools and shoot their fellow classmates or teachers...because enough parents won't simply stand up to their child (yes, I have to say it) and tell them that what they're doing is WRONG, and that they cannot behave in an uncontrollable manner without being punished for it. Again, give me a BREAK--spanking doesn't fall under the category of violence--violence involves malicious intent, but discipline via spanking is a corrective measure, not something done as a twisted way to "get kicks". I have found that in most instances all my child needs is a firm "NO" and she'll stop doing whatever she isn't supposed to be doing, but those times when she stubbornly persists, a good pop on the backside (hey, there's plenty of padding there) gets her attention and IMMEDIATELY corrects her behavior. Those who recommend therapy or medication--what a convenient way to pass off your parental responsibilities into the therapist's hands or the pharmacist's hands. Medication is the answer? Great one...load up your kid's little body with a bunch of invasive chemicals to hopefully "dumb them down" enough so that they won't overburden you with the responsibilities of being a parent.

Put him in a large dog kennel for a timeout. He can't destroy anything or hurt himself. Might I suggest a swat on the rump before he goes in there though? Works wonders on a kid who scoffs at timeouts. Different things work on different kids. No one can judge you unless they are in your same shoes day in and day out.

Take every single toy, game, or what ever type of "play thing" he ownes away from him...NOW! That also means the TV and video games, out door toys too like bicycles, skooters etc Take it ALL away! Stand your ground. Stand up to this kid and "Make" him respect you! He can't reason with you now, so you need the upper hand with him. Take every thing away and I do mean EVERYTHING! Then tell him in no uncertain terms that he gets none of it back until he behavies himself and then, he only gets ONE thing back at a time....even it this takes over a year or even longer to get all of his things back! It sounds like all this kid has to do it throw a tantrum and he gets what he wants. And YES...give him a "hot bottom! if he needs it! Abuse it letting him get away with his rotten behaviour!! You can get your point across to him with out leaving cuts and burses on his body! I had a great Peideatrition (i'm sure i spelled that wrong), but any way, he said there are a few reasons "to" spank and they are...If he's disrespectful, if he endangers his life or if he endangers another person's life or if he tells a lie! You should never put him in his room. Sit him where you can see him! And if he trashes his room...make sure it's the last time he does it...empty his room with the exception of his mattress!! And it's not abuse!! You need to take control and let this little guy know that he's not going to have anything if he keeps acting the way he is! If you don't stop this behaviour now, it's only going to get worse then when he's in school those so knowledgeable teachers will tell you to put him on ADD drugs or else he's out!! That's abuse by Government Schools so teachers don't have to take any responsibility! I guarantee, you take every single thing away from him and make it clear he has to "earn" "everything" back...he'll snap out of it!!

He cAN'T THROW WHAT HE DOES NOT HAVE! iN HIS ROOM TAKE THE DOOR OFF SO HE CANNOT CONTINUE HIS MAYHEM BEHIND CLOSED DOORS. iF IT TAKES ALL DAY IN THE CORNER TELL HIM HIS ACTIONS PUT HIM THERE SO DEAL WITH IT. iF NEED BE i WILL LOAN YOU MY BELT FOR A GOOD OLE FASHIONED COME TO jESUS GETTING STRAIGHT MEETING. MR BILL

If you do not believe in spanking that is your decision and I have to respect that because this is your child. So call SuperNanny.

@the original poster- This rant is not directed at you personally so I apoligize for hijacking ... All that I can tell you is this the people in my generation and before were (almost)all spanked at one time or another and we turned out FINE!!! *NOTICE to tree hugging hippies-I said spanked not beaten or abused!!! It is a very effective tool for a parent and it WILL teach children respect!!! That is the problem with todays youth they know that nothing will happen to them and so have no fear! Fear is a natural thing and if your childern never learn how to deal with it at home than they will ill-equipt to deal with it in REAL LIFE!!! In real life the game doesn't always end in a tie and EVERYONE IS NOT A WINNER and the sooner people teach their children this the better!!! As your child is only three a Very firm(not screaming)voice should work on most occasions if it doesn't then you go to 1 tap on the bottom that is just hard enough to startle the child should be enough...just my two cents...

Go ahead and put him in the room. 3 minutes is enough. The rule of thumb is 1 minute for every year of their age. Make sure he knows how long it is for and that you will come back for him. Let him know that the count starts when he gets quiet. If that doesn't work, then let him trash his room, but start removing the things he is throwing. He might have an empty room, but he make get the connection. Then, tell him he is going to this room for a quiet time and that you will let him have such and such if he can play quietly with it. Whatever you do, do not answer questions or engage with him while he is in time-out. He will try to entertain, distract, and throw you. The first one to talk, loses. Remove him promptly when the time is up, but don't be afraid to repeat the process 5 minutes later. If you have to stand over him while he is in a crib or something, make sure that you do not engage with him. Remember, you have more time, patience, and resolve that him. You intend to win and will win. He has more energy than you, but you will find enough somewhere. Good luck!

I think the most important thing with the time out is to be consistent and not give into the child. When he's in time out, sit him there and explain why. No matter how long it takes the child will aventually get the message. When he does get back up from time out after you have explained why he was there in the first place, do not communicate with him just place him back. Aventually, it will work.