Chuck Norris counted to infinity... twice!

Chuck Norris slammed a revolving door.

Chuck Norris is an old fart.

There are 42 different ways Chuck Norris can kill you using an average household room, including the room itself.

Dinosaur's committed suicide because they knew Chuck was coming.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris

There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris' chest hair is made of steel wool

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection. There were no survivors.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a condom because there is no protection from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can do round house kicks to the face with both legs at the same time.

Edit: Chuck Norris can run so fast, that he is capable of punching himself in the back of the head.

Chuck norris is a freak.

They once tried to carve Chuck Norris' face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris could have any woman he wants, but he only masturbates cause the person good enough to have sex with Chuck is Chuck.

An anagram for Walker Texas Ranger is KARATE WRANGLER SEX. I don't know what that is, but it sounds AWESOME.

The fact that when chuck was a child he went to a convent a and inpregnated every nun there...they eventually spawned the 1972 Miami Dolphins.

Right now chuck norris is killing everything, because he can.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his amazing strength and martial arts skills. Right afterwards, he dropped kicked the devil and took his soul back.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris lets live

long ago, one man stood up to chuck norris, his name was stephen hawking, he learned his lesson...lol, I know, it's horrible

Chuck Norris doesn't need a watch. He decides what time it is!

we all know that chuck norris can kill godzilla,,and many other old school monsters.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Chuck Norris really got into the movie they made of his life. This is surprising since he couldn't stand the book it was based on.

Chuck Norris runs so fast that he can run around the world and punch the back of his head

Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad

CHUCK NORRIS HAS TWO SPEEDS: WALK AND KILL from: http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding. If you don't understand, think of the "Where's Waldo Books". I think that one is a classic

Chuck Norris.

Every morning, when Chuck Norris wakes up, he plays "We Didn't Start The Fire", by Billy Joel. Chuck Norris does not like this song; he knows that they did start the fire, and that they will pay for it.

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. It's a shame cancer doesn't exist.

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris is too cool to play Chess, but if he did, he could get check mate in his opening move!!

Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris found Nemo.

When you look back and see only one set of footprints, that's when Chuck Norris was carrying you.

The sun sets from fear of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris died ten years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.

The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. (that ones messed up but still funny) i think those are my favorites

After the doctor delivered Chuck Norris, he slapped him on the butt. While he realized that Chuck was already breathing he did it merely for posterity.

Credit Jeff Foxworthy: "If an episode of Walker,Texas Ranger changed your life,you might be a redneck!"

Chuch Norris can watch 60 minutes in 20

Chuck Norris won a staring contest with a carton of orange juice because it said 'concentrate' on the label....

One day Chuck Norris was walking along and got an erection. There were no survivors...

For some men the left testical is bigger than the other... for Chuck Norris each testical is bigger than the other. A man once asked Chuck Norris if is real name was Charles, Chuck Norris then stared at that man until he exploded. =)

Chuck Norris and Dick Cheney once went on a hunting trip. There were no survivors.

As President Roosevelt once said: "We have nothing to fear but fear itself... and Chuck Norris."

WHAT STARTED THE CHUCK NORRIS JOKES??????? WHY ISN'T THERE ANY OTHER ACTORS WITH ALL THESE JOKES? I am serious... I just want to know... Here are mine: "Chuck Norris is actually dead, death is just afraid to tell him" "If Chuck Norris shaves his beard there is only another fist"

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris doesnt shave, he hammers them in and bites them off.

Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection. There were no survivors. Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he stares them down until he gets the information he wants. There is no evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. Chuck Norris doesn't love Raymond.

This is a good reference. Pls read http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris_Facts

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse...horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups, he moves the earth down. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he stares at the pages til they give him the information. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did. Chuck Norris visted the Virgin Islands, now they're just "the islands"...

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live. Chuck Norris gave Mona Lisa that smile. Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. Chuck Norris was what Willis was talkin' about. Chuck Norris is his own line at the DMV.

Chuck Norris crosses the street - No one questions his motive. lol

Chuck Norris.

Those aren't credits that roll at the end of Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of the fatalities that occurred during the making of that episode. Count from one to ten. That's how long it would take Chuck Norris to kill you.......forty seven times. In a fight between Batman and Darth Vader the winner would be Chuck Norris. If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/showdown#start

chuck norris took a trip to the virgin islands when he left they were just called the islands. One time chuk norris brought a dead lamb back to life and when a crowd gathered he roundouse kicked it in the head and killed it just to prove the point that chuck norris giveth and he taketh away. there is nothing to fear but chuck himself. chuck norris isnt hung like a horse a horse is hung like chuck norris.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity, twice.

Under Chuck Norris' beard there isn't a chin, just another fist.

Outer Space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, HE decides what time it is. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer.. too bad he never cried.. EVER!

The one untold...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1S-ncdbi24&feature=related http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWFGAX9JNPA

Chuck Norris was walking through a farm one day when he came upon a blind man. The blind man stepped on his shoes and Chuck Norris yelled out "Hey do you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of Chuck's name cured the blind man, sadly the last thing he saw was a fatal roundhouse kick before it connected with his face.

When Chuck Norris' wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said, "don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

Difference between Chuck Norris and G.W.Bush? They are both Walkers. Chuck Norris *is* Walker, Texas Ranger, but George Walker Bush *owned* the Texas Rangers.

Why dont people smoke weed with chuck norris? Because Chuck Norris don't pass

Chuck norris built a time machine to go back in time to stop the assination of JFK. Chuck Norris did deflect all three bullets with his beard but JFK's head exsploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris' tears could cure cancer. If Chuck Norris ever cried.

Chuck Norris was originally named Chuck Stevens. He is such a bitch he took his wife's name when he got married. OR Chuck Norris doesnt have any friends on myspace. Not even Tom

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. Chuck Norris once beat Teri Schiavo in a staring contest.

Chuck Norris is America's Patron Saint.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Is he truly THE missing link-not "A" missing link but "The Missing Link"? And what about Huckabee-he deserves some credit---right? Why is he so damn funny-I can't stop laughing when I see him , especially in a campaign ad-but seriously folks-let's give it up for CHUCKIE Chuck NORRIS!!!!!!

If you fight Chuck his ass will kick you! If Chuck started a shop like Subway the only thing on the menu at Chuckway would be a knuckle sandwich.

Chuck Norris has been to Mars! That is why there are no signs of life there. Chuck Norris was laying facedown on the ground and got an erection, and struck oil

Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird. If you had 5 dollars and Chuck Norris had 5 dollars, he would have more money than you.

Chuck's roundhouse kick once went so fast his foot broke the speed of light and went back in time, killing Amelia Aerhart over the Pacific ocean.

Chuck norris CAN beleive its not butter How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck norris? All of it

CHUCK NORRIS CAN MAKE A SNOWMAN OUT OF RAIN

Chuck Does Not Leave Messages.. He Leaves Warnings

there aren't any

Chuck Norris can count to infinity. Twice. or Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

1. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. 2. Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. 3. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. 4. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. 5. Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that the good Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away. 6. Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did. 7. There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris. 8. Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent. 9. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 10. Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway. 11. Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F***ing." 12. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. 13. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. 14. There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Chuck Norris. 15. In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease. 16. Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila. 17. Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always. The only time he didn't was in 1941, otherwise known as the beginning of the Holocaust. 18. Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection. 19. Crop circles are Chuck Norris's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f**k down. 20. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. 21. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. 22. Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors. 23. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. 24. Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill. 25. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. 26. When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with. 27. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. 28. It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes. 29. Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's s**t. 30. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. 31. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

chuck norris once made a new brand of toilet paper...only problem was it didnt take no shit from no1