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by kerryb4396 on November 12th, 2006

kerryb4396

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Why do men keep their emotions to themselves and how can i get my lover of 6yrs to open up even though i know he loves me something seems to stop him actually saying those three words ,he rings and txtes everyday without fail and i see him several times?

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Answers. 9 helpful answers below.

  • by strongramy on November 12th, 2006

    strongramy

    Its not just men it's equally true for women, I think a simple answer would be the fear of rejection is the main reason why either of them do not make the first move.However I should say that sue to natural reasons men should be taking the lead and should give the women they love the pleasure and excitement of being liked and wanted and thats how the nature has been programed

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  • by Stableboy on November 12th, 2006

    Stableboy

    Its common for men to restrict the range of their emotional expression. This occurs because of cultural and childhood conditioning, and is a function of the role concepts that we have for gender identity.

    Many men will suppress at least some expressions of love, fear, tenderness, and generosity -- all of these feelings require a personal "openness" that leaves one feeling unprotected, and men are more likely to try to protect themselves as part of this conditioning.

    It does not mean that he doesn't love you, as you've stated already.

    The main thing that you can do to help is (a) understand that there's nothing "wrong" with him, and be patient (b) try to work on helping him develop some awareness of this behavior. Many men don't understand why they do this -- they feel somehow "cut off" from life a bit, a bit stiff and uncomfortable around emotions that are a perfectly normal part of life.

    When a man starts to become aware of this phenomenon, a choice begins to appear: "do I really want to be that way?". In the absence of awareness, there is no choice, we're just on autopilot, acting out our conditioning. When we start to become aware of the conditioning, we can begin to "practice" with it -- to work on paying more attention in those moments when the conditioning is triggered and choosing whether or not to let it run the show.

    So this takes time, and understanding, and persistence. Most important of all is to not "use" this understanding as a weapon during arguments. If he feels that you're trying to fix his psychology or deprogram him because he's not ok the way he is, this knowledge will become just another part of the soap opera instead of a tool to improve communication.

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  • by tt010101 on November 12th, 2006

    tt010101

    Why do you want him to say those three words? What does it matter?

    Men don't generally open up their emotions. They're guarded and defensive. What you can do is engage them in an activity of some sort, like watching TV, fixing something etc. Now you can talk to them (in a subtle, matter-of-fact way) and as long as they don't think it's important they tend to open up.

    Go read 'Why men don't listen and women can't read maps' by Allan Pease.

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  • by The Account Formerly Known As Peyton on November 22nd, 2006

    The Account Formerly Known As Peyton

    I would just like to say that I hate that people sterotype ALL men as being insensitive and keep their emotions locked up. I'm not like that.

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  • by My Favourite Life on February 28th, 2008

    My Favourite Life

    This is a common Venus-Mars issue. You are presuming (1) he is hiding emotions, and (2) he has the emotions you presume he is hiding. Besides, you refer to him as a lover, and not a boyfriend. Is this telling? Are you more than that to him?

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  • by MaryHelen on November 22nd, 2006

    MaryHelen

    Well, I think that a lot of it has to do with vulnerability. As stated before my answer, it's true--women equally have trouble expressing themselves. In fact, I know a girl who definitely has issues with this. I think that putting how you feel out in the open leaves room for our souls and hearts to be damaged...that is really hard though, in your situation. Talk to him. Ask him what is keeping him from saying it...he could have been raised when emotions weren't generated as freely as you're used to, so be patient. It may just not be his nature, and it is difficult to understand, but continue to love him, but express your concerns about him. Seriously, maybe couples therapy for this kind of thing could help!! Could luck!!

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  • by sxylzzy on June 18th, 2007

    sxylzzy

    The best way to get him to open up would be to go out on a romantic date. Have a nice candlelit dinner. During the meal, be sure to talk to him about your feelings. This may help him feel comfortable about discussing his. If he doesn't open up, you need to tell him that you'd like him to talk about his emotions. Ask him if he loves you. After 6 years, this is an okay thing to ask. Let him know you how good it makes you feel, when he discusses his emotions. Hope this helps! I wish you the best of luck!

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  • by Pensive on August 2nd, 2007

    Pensive

    BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THIS IS A VERY GOOD BOOK, AND I RECOMMEND IT, HIGHLY. "MEN ARE FROM MARS, WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS' IS THE TITLE. SOUNDS CORNY AND UNREAL, BUT THIS BOOK WILL GIVE YOU VERY GOOD INSIGHT INTO HOW MEN THINK, AND HELPS ALOT, FOR THEM TO UNDERSTAND WOMEN. EASY TO READ, & INTERESTING. GOOD LUCK!

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  • by danteo on February 20th, 2011

    danteo

    Well, here's our opinion on this matter:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JzElsOVgAr8
    And here is the proof that from more than 2,600,000 viewers, 20,000 totally agreed with us:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J0BkdKGPTxw
    Enjoy:)

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