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by Anonymous on November 10th, 2006

Anonymous

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Six months ago my 14 year old told me he was gay, and now my 9 year old is telling me the same. First I thought he was just copying his brother, but he seems pretty sure. What are the chances of having two gay sons and could he know at age 9?

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Answers. 48 helpful answers below.

  • by OverRate_504 on November 10th, 2006

    OverRate_504

    My little brother confided in me that he was gay when he was about 14, and a lot of trust goes into something like that so if you and your sons have that kind of relationship, that’s really awesome. I finally talked my brother into telling our mom but I still can’t convince him to tell our dad and it’s been over 2 years since he first told me. However I don’t blame him, our mom was somewhat selfish, instead of being totally supportive, her response was “I’ll love you no matter what, BUT I wish you would want to have a normal life and marry a woman so I can have grandchildren from both my kids.” So yeah, that was a pretty selfish and very inappropriate response that did crush my brother. So parents of gay teens, keep an open mind and consider the strength that goes into what your children are telling you.

    But as far as your question, I think its something like (as far as teenagers) 1 in every 7 boys is gay, so that means your chances for having 2 gay sons isn’t great but certainly possible, I’ve heard of a family of triplets where all 3 boys turned out to be gay.

    And as for the fact that your 9 year old son is having thoughts that he is gay, it could be that he’s confused, as you said his brother is his role model and openly gay, however it maybe that he really is and saw the openness being offered to his brother and found the opportunity to “come out”. My brother claims that he always knew he was, even when he was a little boy in grammar school. He claimed he had small crushes on some of his friends/school mates as far back as third grade which if I’m not mistaken is about 8-9 years old. But he says he knew before that because he mostly hung out with girls and he felt he had nothing in common with the other boys. And as it turns out, of his friends that were boys he did find things in common with, so far 3 have told him they’re gay too. So your son could very well be gay himself, then again he may just be trying to make his older brother proud. Support whatever he claims his feelings to be and just give him time.

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  • by Anonymous on January 3rd, 2007

    Anonymous

    My parents have two lesbian daughters (one of them being me), and I figured it out when I was 9. So there you go.

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  • by WussiePussieHasLetHimselfOutOfTheBag on December 15th, 2006

    WussiePussieHasLetHimselfOutOfTheBag

    Most people know from a very young age... I'm so glad people that young feel accepted enough to say so... And its not all about sex; its about what attracts & that works on so many levels....

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  • by Magenta on August 21st, 2007

    Magenta

    I knew I was different my whole life, but did not know that the difference was called "homosexual" till I was in the 2nd grade.

    In preschool and kindergarten, I thought I was a girl, and for some reason everyone else, including my parents, thought I was a boy.

    Back then we did not have the information exposure kids have today, so modern kids could have a better understanding of themselves earlier then I did simply by having access to more information.

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  • by redcatt63 is around here somewhere...... on August 21st, 2007

    redcatt63 is around here somewhere......

    Looking back, I know that I was always attracted to women, never to men. I just never admitted it to myself until I was 18. a lot of people say they know at a very young age. while there is no one else in my family that I know of who is openly gay, I do have a good friend who is 1 of 6 sisters....3 of whom are lesbian.

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  • by Redhawk on December 16th, 2006

    Redhawk

    I once knew a family with 8 kids...3 boys, and 5 girls...mixed births, one set were twins...a boy and a girl...ALL OF THEM were Gay or Lesbian...the whole kit and cabootle...lucky for them, Mom and Dad simply loved them JUST AS THEY WERE and all grew up pretty happy, well adjusted and as great human beings! As I recall, they were all insanely beautiful kids and very athletic as well. Easy to be OUT when you know you have 7 more siblings available who will kick the butt of anyone bothering you too much..lol they were all pretty tall as were their parents!

    My partner believes she "knew" about herself at age 8/9, although she was not sexually active or even really pondering sex at that time. She just saw guys as good buddies to play baseball with, and was more aware of cute girls. By the time she was 14 she remembers having crushes on girls and had her first girlfriend...by 14/15..much as she might have a boy, had she been interested in them.

    I had sort of a crush on my best girlfriend at about age 14 too. But I didn't really know what it was or why I was so enchanted by her. She taught me how to swim, and we also used to practice kissing EACH OTHER supposedly as a means to be able to kiss boys better, once we got boyfriends. I didn't think of being sexually attracted to her, but in retrospect I think I was! Seeing her change clothes was like WOW and I didn't even know what it was I was WOWED about!

    Your nine year old may have some emotional attraction to boys and that is the more weighty part of being gay or lesbian. I know some Lesbians who do not even have sex with ANYONE, but they are womyn identified in their emotional being and consider themselves to be Lesbians.

    It sounds to me like you are handling this very well, regardless of what ever your own personal opinions may or may not be, good on you! Check out PFLAG for other parental supports..great people there..you can run a google on them, or you may also get support from checking with your local Gay and Lesbian Center.

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  • by jrbowler on August 20th, 2007

    jrbowler

    There was a study recently that showed that boys with older brothers were more more likely to be gay to a statistically significant level. The more older brothers they had the higher the incidence of being gay. For whatever reason having older sisters made no difference,and the brothers had to be biological brothers, adopted brothers made no difference.

    This fits my my personal experience, I have always found a noticeably high number of gays were youngest or later children in their families - but not always, I am first born and first son and gay.

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  • by Nom de guerre on January 3rd, 2007

    Nom de guerre

    I'm not sure what the chances are, but I know I had crushes on and was attracted to both girls and boys from a fairly early age (12, 13).

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  • by Newly Anonymous on August 21st, 2007

    Newly Anonymous

    Maybe, maybe not. In time they'll be much more aware of who they are as individuals, just make sure they both always know you are behind them 100%.

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  • by Pete m on August 21st, 2007

    Pete m

    Hi, i knew i liked men when i was 9 as well, never thought is strange as i did not know it was differnt to everyone else, (hope that makes sense)

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  • by mike36blackpool on April 26th, 2008

    mike36blackpool

    I used to look at boys in changing rooms when I was 9 or 10. Although I didn't understand the rudiments of sex, I knew penises wer nice things to look at.

    By the time I was 12/13 I knew I preferred boys to girls and waited until the day I could touch a guy's penis.

    Most gay people will tell you sexual thoughts will start at the same time as hetrosexual ones. It makes sense. No-one ever asks someone when did you realise you were hetrosexual.

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  • by Athrael on February 9th, 2007

    Athrael

    Probability of having two offspring (or more depending on the size of the litter) as gays - high.

    Probability of a 9 year old knowing for certain, medium to low.

    Although my brother and his boyfreind (and even past boy friends) all say they knew when they were very young. There is other possible factors which may have the 9 year old confused about his sexuality.

    I think that for them 20/20 hindsight makes it clearer to know what their experiences meant. As adults we tend to see things differently than when we are kids.

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  • by SusieQ123 on December 16th, 2006

    SusieQ123

    at 9 he doesnt know what he is, who he is, or what he wants out of life. He looks up to his brother and is copying him cause he thinks his older brother is kill and wants to be just like him. Just love them both no matter what, accept them, and keep being open like you are cause that is wonderful. Always instill in them that they can talk to you about anything cause growing up is tough and they will need that. No doubt your youngest will grow out of this newfound gayness. Probaly when he is old enough to start liking girls!! Right now he probaly doesnt and probaly thinks girls are icky and so that would add to his saying he is gay. But once he hits puberty i bet he likes girls. And if not then you will still love him anyways!!

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  • by daishotachi on December 16th, 2006

    daishotachi

    it could be that so many kids nowadays over use the term gay. they could have called your son gay so many times that his brain decided that if so many people say it so many times, then it must be true.

    (emphisis on COULD)

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  • by Deep Blue on February 4th, 2008

    Deep Blue

    In this homophobic society, it seems that it wouldn't be easy for a gay individual to fess up. So if your sons say they are gay, they have nothing to gain and much to lose by claiming to be so. I would take them seriously and and accept them and let them continue to develop. Now would be a good time to talk about sexually transmitted disease and the importance of abstinence at their young age.

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  • by Scifisuz on August 21st, 2007

    Scifisuz

    Possible but not probable that both are gay. Just let them know that they are free to be whoever they are. And whoever that is is OK with you.
    Let them sort it out for themselves. Often younger people will "try on" a personality or character trait to see if it fits. Sometimes it does or not.

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  • by VOD on December 27th, 2006

    VOD

    I have a friend who is, and so is his brother, and his sister. Genetics is a factor but so is environment. It's all very complex.

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  • by JUSTNORMAL on November 10th, 2006

    JUSTNORMAL

    I would think the 14 year older is mature enough to have chosen his sexual preference and it is great he trusted you enough to tell you. At 9 however, they are not really old enough for sex, nor have they even reached puberty, and lastly they dont have much testosterone. I would wait till he is older and see how he feels then.

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  • by alex on August 16th, 2009

    alex

    im gay and im 14 u should have them text me sometime.at 3303302039

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  • by Sodahead on July 27th, 2009

    Sodahead

    Looks like you should have thought twice before sending them through those ballet lessons.

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  • by Anonymous on October 1st, 2008

    Anonymous

    By the time children are 9 some things are starting to solidify. It's possible he really knows, it's possible he's not fully understanding everything it entails.

    At that young an age, it's not that important either way - he shouldn't be dating for many years yet anyway and he has plenty of time to figure things out. Just love and accept him and humor him speaking about boys the same way you would a nine year old speaking about girls.

    It's certainly possible to have multiple gay children. I have a friend who is one of three gay brothers (three of five brothers are gay in his family).

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  • by Sketchy Mess Jeoffory on December 16th, 2006

    Sketchy Mess Jeoffory

    I sort of agree with the idea that your 9 year old probably doesn't know what he is yet. I think at a young age sexual curiosity about males and females is normal, but I tend to believe that you can't really be sure until you hit puberty. I used to say that I always knew I was gay, but now I believe that it is easy to say that in retrospect, since I am gay now.
    In reality I was attracted to and curious about guys and girls in early pubescense, and only truly settled into being gay after experimenting with both and realizing that I was much more into guys. By the end of puberty I really had no sexual attraction to girls.

    Your 14 year old probably has a pretty good idea of his sexuality already. It's not impossible that he is just saying this to get a rise out of you, but it's pretty unlikely. At age 14 most of us are doing everything we can to be accepted by everyone and for him to take such a bold step and do something that he knows runs a real chance of him being rejected by family and friends probably means that he has thought it through.
    I'd also mention that it seems like you have raised a very self confident young man to have the self assurance to come out so early, so good for you and for him on that note.
    I'm not too sure about the odds of having two gay sons. There are lot's of studies on the genetics of homosexuality, but from what I've read none of them are very conclusive. It's not impossible, though, since they say that anywhere from 3-9% of men are gay or bisexual. I know a family of 3 brothers and 1 sister where all of the boys are gay and the girl is a lesbian. How about those odds? As for me, I am the only gay child out 6.

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  • by branman1122 on November 28th, 2009

    branman1122

    dont worry its not bad sorry i posted the last answer but dont freak out its okay if hes gay hell find out in about 4 years i found out in middle school but support him for now. trust me youll do fine

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  • by branman1122 on November 28th, 2009

    branman1122

    no dont worry if he thinks hes gay he will find out by the age of about thirteen now im 19 and am gay myself and i found out by about 14 and was abandoned by my family and was forced to runaway all you can do is support him but dont baby him just support his ideas and if religion comes into way dont force him to go it may cause major problems in marriage if he tries to go straight but doesnt love girls. Good Luck.

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  • by mikey@neuko.co.uk on April 14th, 2009

    mikey@neuko.co.uk

    Hey, im only 13 at this time but I have had "gay feelings" from the age of about 9-10 although I didn't realy understand them at that age. When I was about 10 I was looking on google for games when I clicked onto a link with gay porn, and I couldent look away, I relised then that I was gay even though I had befor had gay feelings. If your 9 year old son says he gay, its very posible he is, but leave it for a while and see how he feels but in no way tell him that he is too young to decide, my parents did that and it took me months to forgive them. Mike ^.^ - On my dads account on here (with permission) to anser to this :) So dont ban me Anserbag!

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  • by confused snowbunny on October 13th, 2008

    confused snowbunny

    i am a believer in homosexuality being in your genes so for them to both say they are gay i can totally believe it. at the age of 9 i think he knows wheather he thinks ewwww girls have cooties or boys lol so just stand by their side and i think it is awesome that you have a close enough relationship with your 9 and 14 yr old sons for them to be open to you.... good luck its not a bad thing!

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  • by Anonymous on October 13th, 2008

    Anonymous

    Its very possible, but I would say the 9 year old isnt totally sure yet.

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  • by Phillip on August 21st, 2007

    Phillip

    The answer to your question will largely depend on yours and others stance on Homosexuality. Folks that think that being gay is ok or that you can be born that way or become that might have a point of view that you can wake up one morning and poof...your gay.
    Or something else along those lines.

    Those of us that know that to be gay is wrong, will have a different point of view.

    Perhaps they picked it up from their parents. Gay parents will usually have gay children. Just like parents that smoke will usually have children that smoke. Parents that drink will usually have kids that drink. And on and on it goes.

    Perhaps some pick this up from friends or relatives. Perhaps there might be genetic element to this, but that does not mean that anyone has to fall into the trap and become gay.

    For example, what if there was a genetic element for murder or drinking that made one more predeisposed to being a murderer or an alchoholic?

    If you give in to these urges, you will become that Murderer or Alcoholic or Gay person. But these things can be broken. Breaking these sorts of things though requires that you believe in a power larger than yourself.

    The first step though is to admit that its a problem.

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  • by loveschimps on August 21st, 2007

    loveschimps

    I thought I read somewhere that it is usually the second child that ends up gay, but I could be wrong. Besides being gay is a personal choice and if a person has one child and they are gay that is fine, the same is true if a person has fifteen children and they all decide they are gay. Every person has a right and a privilege of choosing their own sexual orientation.

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  • by adamjohn on March 31st, 2010

    adamjohn

    The chances of two gay sons are quite high. My brother is gay too. I am the youngest of three boys. My eldest brother is straight. Research suggests that in families of boys the likelihood of homosexuality increases with each sibling. My middle brother is bisexual and was married for a while, whereas I am exclusively gay. So if your 14 years old is gay, there is a high probability that your 9 years old is also gay.

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  • by Grey14698 on August 18th, 2010

    Grey14698

    Well, I knew I was bi when I was 6.I had had oral sex when I was 5. I am 14 now and only 1 girl knows I am bi. I don't know,I get boners when see cute guys. And I look at gay porn online. So yea, it is very possible your 9year knows.

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  • by Tom_L2953 on March 12th, 2011

    Tom_L2953

    im only 14 but i told my mum im gay lake 3 weeks ago she was asking me hw do i know i told her im not atracted to girls and im very to boy but i knew this when i was like 12 ??? she still trying to get her head round it

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  • by adamjohn on March 22nd, 2010

    adamjohn

    Very high.

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  • by Anonymous on March 16th, 2010

    Anonymous

    One gay son could influence a brother incestuously.

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  • by brotherdog on January 22nd, 2010

    brotherdog

    I knew I was gay since I was 7/8, and I didn't know what "gay" meant until I was 11, but I was always open about it at home. I was never attracted to boys, but all my life, and even now some of my friends are boys, and I even identify as masculine. It took awhile for my parents, who were always very supportive of me, to figure out which was hard because when I got boobs at ten, I also came to understand these boy-girl relationships around me, but I didn't see same-sex couples, so I came to the conclusion that I was the only person on the face of the Earth who was attracted to the same sex. It's very possible your nine year old son knows he's gay; being gay is just like being straight, you're just attracted to the same sex.

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  • by Mona789 on February 13th, 2010

    Mona789

    It is possible. It's genetic. My English is not good enough to explain, but I'm shure, there are many websites where you can read about it. The most important thing: Don't try to "heal" your sons, because it's impossible, it's in their genes, it's not a choise or a feeling, that can disappear. Dont take them to psychologist, because he can't help, and your sons will have a lack of confidence, you have to tell them, you support them, and they can count on you in their whole life. They shouldn't feel guilty, it's not their fault, it's no one's fault. I can imagine, you are having a very-very hard time, but it will be easier, if you accept it. Your sons can be very valuable, whether they are gay or straight. Just dont make them feel, that you are dissatisfied with them. You have to be prod of them because of ther inner beauty. I suppose you are a mom, and moms always love their children, let them know it.
    I hope, my answer was helpful. You need very much strength now, but remember, your sons need much more.

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  • by emopufferfish on March 6th, 2010

    emopufferfish

    i dont know , im sexualy confused myself

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  • by Graeson_H on June 7th, 2011

    Graeson_H

    ive been gay since i was 9 to im now 14 theyll be fine nothin will happen but i would check on them if they hang out every once in a while

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  • by ItIsNormal on December 6th, 2009

    ItIsNormal

    First of all ... relax.

    Where the mistake is .. is what your sons are hearing at school.

    "Gay" is male-to-male sexual experimentation.

    NO ... "gay" is not "male-to-male experimentation."

    "Gay" is a lifestyle ... and neither your 14 year old son, or your 9 year old son have lived enought of their lives - in order to decide about living a lifestyle.

    It is normal for your sons to experiment sexually with other boys their age. This is how they learn about "orgasms," and the feelings associated with them.

    Gay is something that a male decides once they have turned 25 years old.

    Usually, this is a normal part of their pre-adolescence / adolescence ... and over the next few years ... they will grow out of this stage - and get girlfriends - and get married, and have sons and daughters.

    Don't worry ...

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  • by Occams Electric Razor on August 16th, 2009

    Occams Electric Razor

    I guess anything is possible...but with much of the current homosexuality being actually fauxmosexuality (people just jumping on the trend)one does have to wonder how many people claiming to be gay really are gay and how many are just diggin the trend since it's kind of taboo and trendy. No offense to real gays, but lots of people seem to want to cash in on it's image lately.

    So with that being said I guess you have to kind of just let the kids be themselves and see what turns out. I think children can be born with a predsiposition of being gay, I certainly do not believe all gay people chose to be gay by choice alone. But I think as a parent it would be time to sit down and have a birds and bees talk, explain to them (unbiased) what homo and hetero sexuality is and inform them of the social implecations should they choose to be gay.

    I think no kid is 100% straight or gay though until old enough to understand the complexities of sexuality and relationships so helping them understand it without pressure or judgement would help any child freely and comfortably find their identity and not be a product of rebellion or shame.

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  • by bolwerk on August 16th, 2009

    bolwerk

    I have a hard time imagining a nine-year-old being that sexually precocious, but it's certainly possible. It possibly means he's been exposed to sexually explicit acts/material already.

    However, it's probably nothing to worry about. Either they'll be gay, as many people are, or they'll decide they're bi or straight later. There's even the possibility that the 14-year-old is sexually confused. You'll know for sure when they're in their 20s.

    You may as well just support them in the mean time, and discuss safe sexual practices with the 14-year-old, who is not too far from leaving the nest and becoming exposed to the sometimes promiscuous and risque world of adult male homosexuality. Just as straight men sometimes prey on sexually naive younger women, some gay men do the same to younger gay men.

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  • by IntotheForge on August 16th, 2009

    IntotheForge

    Slim to nil. There's inklings, there's imitation behavior, but who can be sure until the homosexual hypothesis is tested in the great field study of pubescent and post-pubescent love?

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  • by LindsayJ. on August 16th, 2009

    LindsayJ.

    its possible.but i mean really, does it matter?

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  • by Spirit of the Nomad on July 27th, 2009

    Spirit of the Nomad

    When did you start having crushes and thinking about boys? I know I was little, as early as 7 or 8. I assume that person who is homosexual would have the same thoughts and feelings as a straight child. I don't think he is thinking explicitly about sex but even as I child I knew who I was or was not attracted to and your son probably do as well.

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  • by Tortured_Beauty on January 13th, 2010

    Tortured_Beauty

    Honestly idk....but i started realizing that weird feeling i had around girls and guys was my bi-sexuality speaking up....(me a chica) i realized around when i was 10....

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  • by Ospreyluvr on October 13th, 2008

    Ospreyluvr

    Neither can be completely sure. Especially 9 year olds. Everyone has those feelings, and having his older brother say he was gay, he realizes that is what it is. I would severely try to get the 9 year old to understand what he would go through(being made fun of), and make sure he tells no one at school(made fun of and the school system would be worried).

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  • by Anonymous on July 27th, 2009

    Anonymous

    i think the chances of havinhg to gay sons is quite high espescially if the two boys are close so the youngest boy might get the idea of being gay if that is the case then that is fine im gay and im 14 i think that it is perfectley fine

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  • by tickles_feet on November 5th, 2011

    tickles_feet

    They have been playing together!!!

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