If you've forgiven her, why does it matter what happened? If anything -- I'd be concerned about the substance abuse -- you're not helping her by letting that go -- get her to consider a treatment plan, and go with her. If she doesn't want to be treated -- forget about her -- I can only imagine what the next thing will be that she blames on booze. Hopefully she won't kill anybody.

First of all, you say she lied to you but how do you know that? You should not press her for information or details incase she really was raped. Offer her your support, show her how much you care about her and most importantly show her that she can trust you. If she really cares or has true feelings for you than she'll feel guilty and confess or explain what really happened.

Why do you think she's Lying ?

You must have reasons to suspect

Let me clarify, since the spot they gave me to ask a question was pretty short. It was 6 months later that she told me that she was raped. She said she blacked out and didn’t remember anything about the night or who it was and all she remembered was walking back to her car. A couple days later I asked her why she didn’t go to the police, and she eventually let it out that she did know who it was, and that is was her ex boyfriend. So she lied on that one. Then I asked her if she was really drugged, and she said ‘I don’t know, maybe.’ I asked her details, and she does in fact remember the night from leaving the bar with him, to driving back to his house, and after everything puking in the bathroom. The story changed a few times, but now she says she remembers being blacked out and regaining consciousness while he was on top of her. So basically she remembers everything about the night except taking off her clothes and getting into the bed. So yeah, she has lied to me about it. Being drugged and raped is one thing. Getting drunk and going back to your old boyfriends house to hook up is quite another. My opinion is, she got drunk and did something she regretted, felt bad enough about it that she didn’t tell me for 6 months. In the 6 months since, she has discontinued contact altogether with the guy, and rarely drinks anymore. So she has shown remorse through her actions. That is why I have forgiven her. But it still kills me when I think about it. I love the girl to death, and I know she loves me too, but we have never truthfully discussed what happened. So again, should I talk the real story out of her, or let it go and move on?

From my own personal experience with black-outs, I suspect that your girlfriend experienced a black out. During a black out one has no real control over their actions nor can they remember much the following day other than odd flashbacks and suchlike. Your girlfriend was irresponsible for having drank so much but I would be more concerned about the ex and how he obviously took advantage of this fact. Your girlfriend has done the right thing by cutting the drinking down and discontinuing contact with the ex. As for lying to you - this was wrong. But again from experience with black-outs, they are a terrifying thing to look back on and it could well be that she thought she had been drugged (as I did when I blacked out) After a black-out you gradually remember snippets of events that night so it would make sense that it took a while for her to remember it was her ex... If you have forgiven her then great, try your best to move on with your relationship. If you can't move on then it is for the best that you and her let go rather than continuing a resentful relationship...

Having read your explanation, I still think you need to be careful about judging here. Just because you've been raped doesn't mean you don't feel guilty- particularly when its someone you know and you feel you may have done something to lead them on. When it comes to rape by someone you know (the most common kind as it happens) lines become very blurry. The thing is, you can do any number of stupid things (particularly when drunk) but if someone forces sex on you, its still rape, no matter what you may have done to "encourage" them. I would say you need to be VERY careful about judging her- even if she did do something she shouldn't it sounds to me she had a very nasty and traumatic experience involving her ex. Many girls go through something like this- they were drunk they were chatting to someone they knew, or had even slept with in the past, maybe they were being flirty, maybe they did something that gave him the wrong idea, or just plain stupid- then he gives her more alcohol, and pushes her into sex, through a mixture of brute strength, and trying to persuade her its what she wants. On sobering up with half-memories of the event, she knows something happened she didn't want, but she feels too guilty about her role in the situation to define it as "proper" rape- its highly confusing and very traumatic. Some of the main reasons that rape prosecutions fall flat are because the victim knew the perpetrator, had been drinking voluntarily, had been behaving provocatively, or had had sex with the perpetrator on previous occasions. Whilst I can understand how you might be feeling upset about the thought of her having relations with her ex in any context, I think to judge her as a cheat isn't the way to go here. My suggestion is that she really needs to talk to someone impartial about her experiences- preferably a qualified therapist, and perhaps you need to put a little distance between you whilst she sorts her head out. Remain supportive, but try not to judge her- and maybe you ought to cool down the romantic side of your relationship whilst she sorts things out. You don't want the sexual issues between the two of you to cloud things even more.

Let me get this straight...so what is your main concern? You seem to be a little selfish in talking about your "forgiveness" and your "wanting to know more" when she has told she has been RAPED AND DRUGGED. Wow, if I were her, I would leave you in a heartbeat.

Dude... The exact same thing happened to my girlfriend... I have no real advice for you. I typed "my girlfriend was raped" on yahoo, and this site popped up. I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you and your girlfriend. I am talking...the exact same situation. She waited over 6 months to tell me. She was drunk. She doesn't remember anything, except being a body, when someone was on top of her. It kills me to think about it. Did she participate...did this guy rape her...no answer helps. I just wanted to let you know that someone else is in the same boat you are/were in.

Some answers here are talking ex. Where is that coming from? As well you don't mention why it "seems to you" she got drunk and cheated? Should you press her to tell you the whole story? Whats the difference? Personally, she wouldn't be my girlfriend anymore. Where were you, she was out alone, with friends? Don't put yourself in the situation where this can occur. As if I would expect my girlfriend to accept the fact that I drank too much and cheated on her.

This is a hard one. It could have just been the alcohol or it sounds like GHB too. If he was geting the drinks he could have slipped some in and she wouldn't be the wiser because it's orderless and colorless. And as with alcholo with GHB you get spotty memory and black outs. And if she was that drunk it wasn't consentual because she legally couldn't give consent. Plus she wouldn't have been able to fight him off. She was basicly a rag doll. As for the change of story lots of girls who have been rapes will give conflicting stories. Either the stuff she was under the influence of messed with her memory or her mind tried to shut out what's happening as a defense mechanism. Add to that the guilt, especially if she knew the guy, and you've got a deadly mix. She could very well not remember what happened to her. And to press her would make things worse. The issue of why she didn't go the cops is an easy one fear of not being believed, fear of the guy coming to get her, guilt, and shame. Women who are suppost to be so libreated these days are still haveing to deal with a lot of the same sexual issues we've been dealing with for centuries. And if she knew the guy it's worse. After all who's going to believe some girl who got drunk and "slept" with some guy. I would suggest you both get into counciling to deal with this. You both are having serious issues and they need to be addressed . If after counciling you still can't get over it you need to part ways.

Well in todays society unfortunetly women do get drugged I was a victim, but my hubby was coming to get me anyhow so the drugger didn't get his way, but as my evening went i had 4 Coors light and talked to him @ 11:30 at night by 1:30am I was so wasted I didn't remember dropping my best friend at home or my own ride home got home laid in bed got the spins proceeded to throw up and next day woke upwith throbbing headache and stomachache.....bad news so you might want to listen to her whole story before you freak.

It should be over with no explanation.

It should be over with no explanation.

dude also sorry that all these people are telling u that your selfish and all this shit...you dont know anything if she could have just been really drunk and didnt know that she consented to it all ....your just trying to find answers and i dont blame you...i cant stand the fact that people use alcohol as an excuse of cheating....its bullshit....thats IF she cheated i would ask other people that were at the party some quetions.....who was she hanging out with, did you see anything slipped into her drink?, was she drinking alot of alcohol?, was she all over any guys?

if you plan on staying with her let it go. If you want to know the truth (and be forewarned you might not like and be able to live with the truth) then press her for the truth but I experienced the same exact thing when I was younger and it turned out she got drunk and slept with a guy or 2 and the relationship was never the same. it ended shortly afterwards because I could never get over the betrayal and didnt trust her to go out with friends to parties after that.

Dont press her becos she might be the type girl who wouldn't normally do something like cheat. If she is likely to cheat again i would, if she is going to tell yu a story about her getting drugged and raped then i would press her on the subject or end the relationship.

If she lied to you, she lied about RAPE. Break up with her. If she didn't lie to you, you suspected her of lying about RAPE. Break up with her.

what r u talking about? get rid of her! she will always cheat on u.. whenever she find a fat d***.. let her go.. on top of that she whould never cheat if she love u.. so u have something to think about

how do you know that she lied about being raped? are you absolutley sure? because thats something you definatley want to be sure about before you react.

You would not need to talk about it anymore if you have really forgiven her. There would be nothing to forgive if she was really drugged and raped, only someone to be cared for. You believe that she is lying. I believe it needs to be discussed. If she sticks to her story and you still do not believe her, I think it's time to move on. I can forgive someone that admits fault and asks to be forgiven. I cannot forgive and forget if I believe I'm being lied to. Best of luck

honey iwas at a party last night. i got drunk, i think... i cant remember cause i passed out. is my asshole still bleeding? i woke up with a bottle shoved up my butt and i didnt want to tell you because next thing you'll want to do is bugger me up the butt because you think that if i dont let you that means i dont love you...especially if someone else has gone where no prick has gone before, well before last night that is...

then just have as much sex you can with her, an unreasonable, amount to the point where she leaves you. works for me.

If she drinks a lot, she has a drinking problem, and could have been somewhere and someone took advantage of that. Tell her that you want to talk about it, because it is bothering you, and that you and her can go to counseling about the rape.

I guess a good way to gage whether she has lied is take her to the local police station to make out a report. If she has lied and you have forgiven you.....do you really trust her now? What happens if you become a target of one of her stories because she found herself making poor decisions and placing the blame on another? I say, if she is lying, then forgive and FORGET her, her actions are a BIG RED FLAG. More upset is sure to come.

That's a pretty sick and twisted lie to tell but I guess people who have premarital sex have to do that to cover up their actions. I'd move on....find someone with values. If she is telling the truth, what was she doing in a place where that would happen?

This might be too harsh but i'd get rid of her shes playing you its one thing if she tells you but shes not even open to you about it so you really shouldn't torture yourself

let it go, it's no big deal. Are you still together?

Well, I don't know the dynamics of this relationship. Lying in that manner implies a very untrustworthy character. She's someone you love. She's also someone you can't believe. Take it for what it is and let it be. She'll do worse in the lying category if you hold her accountable I'll bet. She doesn't like owning up when backed against a wall.

Suspicions will destroy your relationship without the need for cheating. . If you trust her enough to be truthful with you then you have to believe her. . Since you have already stated you suspect her to be untruthful, you have two choices, have it cleared up beyond a doubt or leave.

if you don't care that she cheated you then no reason for me to . +5

I asked my sister the question if you were date raped would you report it? she said of course I would. I would hope that all women would report scum who carried out this appalling type of attack. If you feel shes not being honest with you, then go with your instincts, they rarely let you down. I wonder how many women would forgive a man who had been taken advantage of whilst drunk?

Whether she's lying or not, she clearly ended up in a situation where this could happen. Are you willing to put up with someone who puts herself into these sorts of situations?

Wow...I had forgotten I had asked this question until I checked my email and saw some responses. If anyone is curious, my then girlfriend and I resolved any issue that we had...it was a drunk mistake, and we have been happily married for over a year now. We just bought a house and are planning a family. I am very thankful that I handled the situation the way I did and understood that she was human and made a mistake that she clearly regretted. I could not imagine my life right now without my wife, and I am glad I didn't throw that away with a bad reaction. But thanks for the responses.

FUCK THE DAMN-RAPE EXCUSE!! If she was she would have been hysterical for days. Rape is a serious golden excuse. You get pregnant by the wrong guy or a bit to early? You´re raped! And nobody that even dares to say that she might made it up. All men are pigs but that doesn´t mean women are any better.

If she was raped, she will be an emotional wreck and scared. She is cheating on you.

Get the real story or ask her to go with you to the police to press charges. The key is pressure and most likely she will come clean on the situation.

Ha ha this question luckily was 3 years old. PHEW!

LET IT GO -- OR DID I SAY THAT ALREADY?

Go with what your gut is telling you. If you have reason to believe she lied, she probably did. Dump her and move on.