ANSWERS: 28
  • You love your fiancee but played right into your X's hands to destroy your current relationship with him. It's hard to discern if your fiancee will ever forgive you...there are no consoleing words I can give you. But, there is always hope. You can trust if your X narc'd you out he knew what he was doing and had the malice to do it. Pardon the pun...but you make your own bed, and lied in it.
  • Where was you love for your Fiance when you were cheating? Real love does not come with an on/off switch. If you truly "love" your fiance and want whats best for him you will know that he deserves better than someone who betrays him. You want him back because you are spoiled and want it all... that horrible feeling you feel, it is probably nothing compaired to the feeling that he had finding out that you didnt love him enough to be faithfull. Hide your tail between your legs and let him go.
  • ditto to what they said. He has every right to not want you back. learn from your mistake and move on
  • Firstly, give him space....... lots of it. At the moment evry time he hears from you or sees you, unfortunately he sees your ex on top of you (or whatever). My point is this.... I suppose you have already told him all the things like "i didn't mean it" etc. Regardless of how he feels, he still loves you and will calm down in a while (this may require a lot of patience from you though) If possible get your ex to call him and admit to pressuring you or deceiving you whilst you were at a weak point.... maybe something like that. BUT whatever you do DON"T and I mean DON"T think of going near any other man (especially that ex) sexually at all, even if you think that there is no hope of getting him back. If this takes a year or so and you are still in love with him, it may be enough to prove that you were real in your contrition. He may give you another chance. I feel for you and wish you all the best
  • You won't like this answer but having observed this situation with several friends, I'd say be prepared to move on. It may be that your fiance will get over this and accept you back over time but this is unlikely. You've destroyed any existing trust at the time when you're in your "honeymoon" phase of your relationship so statistically you'd be more likely to repeat later on in a relationship plus you were only found out via a third party spilling the beans and your fiance has no real means of telling how deep this iceberg is. Best of luck to the both of you.
  • Hook back up with your ex boyfriend. Your fiance is not coming back. The trust has been broken.
  • every man i think would ve accepted it if u had cheated with someone else not ur EEEEXXXXX,NOOOOOOOO,but you can still win him back by being ready to take what ever that comes ur way from him,cos he's going to test ur faith on him,patient is what u are going to need and prove to him you ve cut everything that has to do with ur ex,goodluck.cheers
  • Wow - sucks to be you! what did you really think would happen, he'd forgive you and you would live happily ever after? This is a guy you're about to marry, and spend the rest of your life with, and you cheat on him with your ex. good on your fiance, I would have kicked you out too! I guess it was lucky for him to find out how low you are before he married you! Alot of hard earned money saved there!
  • Time to move on. You broke a powerful thing called trust. Very hard to earn it back on something like that. If you get back with your ex, maybe your ex fiance will call. good luck
  • From experience I have to agree with the others too. Trust is extremely hard to regain. It take a second to loose it and a lifetime to re-build.
  • Well, here is my two cents: You don't just fall "out of love" with somebody overnight. I can almost promise you that your fiance still loves you! But he is HURT, and rightly so! He is going to be angry, ignore you calls/texts/emails, and that's common. However, I believe there is light at the end of the tunnel. With persistence, yet without seeming desperate, you need to let him know how truly sorry you are, and how deeply you regret it. Like skinamin said, don't even think about talking to your ex, that would be the dumbest thing you could do. Also, no more lies. Don't make up some tale about why you did what you did (ie: you were wasted or coerced if that really wasn't the case). Honesty is key right now and you just need to be up front about everything. I'm a strong believer that if it's meant to be..then well, it's meant to be. Whether it be now, or a year from now. If you guys decided to work on it, maybe hold off on the wedding for a bit, go for some counseling. There is some reason why you did what you did and I think it's important that the issue is addressed before you take the next step in your relationship. Good Luck. And make sure this is a valuable lesson for you!
  • The real thing to do is learn from your mistake and gain more sense of importance with future relationships as well as develop some higher level or morals. Your boyfriend would be a damn fool to take you back and the reality is he would be stupid tomarry you knowing you were a cheater before you even were married, let alone be able to be loyal for the rest of your life. Learn from it, gain some morals, and move forward and forget about trying to win him back.
  • Sorry you had to be subjected to sooo many negative responses from people. Shows just how much people like to put other people down.You are human and made a horrible mistake. Sounds like you are going through a really tough time at the moment. I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship but it seems to me that there must of been issues there for this to happen?.. I have never cheated on someone but recently i was cheated on. It is possible for someone to forgive and for the relationship to move to a better place. It takes a lot of patience from you and a lot of work. It won't be unusual if your fiance now goes out and starts to see other people but you have to accept the consequences of this and hang in there. Don't pester him but just msg him every now and again asking him to meet up. In my situation we were seperated for a year,after 3 years together.In this year we both had put a lot of emotional and physical distance between us. We got back together and he slept with someone else in the early stages.I found out the day before xmas. I was hurt,overwhelmed,angry and withdrawn. The fact he constantly shows remorse and agonyin what he has done helps me to assess the situation.Trust me, this is vital. My ex ex cheated on me and he never showed remorse or any sorrow at the loss of our relationship,making it easy for me to move on asap. We are now working things out, Apart from xmas ..this last month has between us has been better then the whole of last year. Hopefully it works out for you and you learn from your mistakes. As i said to my partner.. "It is not about the mistake but about how u learn from it, that is how i define you as a person"
  • No, no, this is no biggie. She still had some feelings for her ex. That doesn't mean she doesn't love her fiancee. An apology is in order, next time she should be more discreet and make love with someone she can trust. Her old BF is really the creep here. What would possibly make him call her fiance? Getting even? What a jerk!
  • I can understand why you feel awful. I feel you may want to take a hard look at your actions and examine what made you cheat in the first place. Were you angry at your fiance, was it temptation...what emotional things were going on when you made the decision to sleep with your ex? If your ex had not called your fiance, would you have done it again? Was it a one-time thing? I feel these are things that may help you understand why you sabotaged your relationship. I agree with a lot of the abers here, it is going to be very difficult to earn his trust. Not impossible, but it will take more than an apology and I'll never do it again. You need to do the emotional work in discovering what made the situation happen in the first place.
  • Leave him alone for a while then contact him and take it slow. If this doesn't work move on
  • You made a big mistake. Get used to it. You make a mistake, you suffer consequences. If I was your fiance, I will break up the engagement.
  • It's a terrible situation for you both. Everyone does make mistakes, and feelings for an ex are sometimes really difficult to deal with. Guilt however is a killer!!! i think it's probably best that it's out in the open. There are loads and loads of relationships which can get over these situations, in the case of my mum and dad, it actually made their relationship stronger, they both talked about it, and realised where they had gone wrong and why it happened - i have never seen them happier! Your fiance needs time to heel though, and he's got to be willing to talk to you. It's a hard time, but hang onto the fact that everything happens for a reason??? (even if it is rubbish, it makes you feel better!)
  • Why didn't your tears flow when you were hopping up and down and moaning in the sheets with your ex? Why is it that people never THINK before they start rubbing their legs like crickets? Was the sex good enough to be homeless for? If I were I would be calling the ex for a place to stay...
  • Sounds like the ex is a *insert expletives(sp?) here* and did it to get back at you for dumping him, by calling your fiance and telling him all about it. It is indeed a sucky situation! But remember you are human, and everyone makes all sorts of mistakes all the time. If you can't get your fiance to sit down and talk to you about it, I'd say its time to move on, or at least wait a specified amount of time before trying to talk to him again.
  • From the Paris Review -- summer 2009: Gay Talese on infidelity. "Here's what people don't get. Sex is not that important. It isn't the most important thing in any relationship. Marriage is never about sex, and yet in American fiction so many stories and novels present a sexual dalliance ans an unpardonable sin. (In real life) I never thought that should be true. Marriage is the main event. These other relationships bring me into worlds I would otherwise not know. These relationships have helped our marriage. ..I think of all these people who get divorced over minor matters...I don't see how people can live in conventional marriages. " Gay Talese has a fifty year marriage with a very accomplished,independent and fiscally successful wife.
  • i think that you should give it some time. it takes a long time to earn back trust
  • You didn't just make a mistake, you showed your true colors. Get yourself together and take of yourself. Boyfriends are not there to support you.
  • Sorry to say this, and I'm not being mean, but If it were me you would be out of my life forever. Once someone cheats they always will. You broke a bond of trust that takes forever to repair. Good Luck to you. +5 From Jonathan
  • here is a website with helpful and healthy suggestions for both you and the one you love. Good luck and take care. :-) http://www.rd.com/living-healthy/15-steps-to-surviving-an-affair/article31594.html
  • You have forfeited any right to keep your fiance. At this point you are rightfully at his mercy. You can only hope that he takes you back but quite honestly, I hope he doesn't. You deserve forgiveness, but not necessarily forgiveness AND your fiance back. Maybe this will be your wake up call to start being a better person.
  • Walk away for awhile. Give him time. Women accept cheating better than men do. Stay away from your ex in the meantime.
  • sorry, I have no soft spot for cheaters. I hope you learned your lesson and you wont do this again.

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