ANSWERS: 8
  • Your Dad is probably going through a very difficult time and, just like you, this is probably the first time he has ever experienced anything like this. Find a way to have a conversation with him in which you can discuss how you are feeling. Try to stay away from emotion, and certainly be careful to not place blame or guilt during the conversation. Keep it clear and open and factual and emotion-free. Tell him how you feel and ask him for advice and input on how to make things better. Then make a point of asking him what you can do for him to make things easier.
  • How come you are with your dad, instead of your mother? Most courts give the children to the mother. Your dad is apparently having a tough time. i can understand this, to a degree. How old are you? Psychological abuse, is just as deadly as physical abuse. If things do not improve, call your mother or the police. You could be in danger.
  • Have you tried writing him a letter? Write kindly, stay away from criticizing, tell him you understand he is going through a difficult period. But, talk about you, your hopes, your needs, your emotional development, and your desire to live with mom. Point out that you will always be his daughter, no matter where you're living. That there will be plenty of chance to see each other. And that in the long run, it might be that your relationship with him would turn out better that way. I suggest a letter because, even if his first reaction is defensive, he will read it many times, and it will make a lasting impression. It would also allow you to be less emotional, less confrontational, less fearful, and possibly more articulate.
  • As much as you don't want to hurt your dad's feelings, you do not deserve to be treated like that. You can always go live with your mom and tell your dad that you would be happy to live with him again once he seeks help with his anger issues.
  • Myabe your dad doesnt understand that you may be having a harder time then he is, tell him that you would rather live with him if he wasnt verbally abusing you. And make him aware that until he learns how to cope with it that you'll be with your mother.
  • He probably doesn't even realize he's effecting you as much as he is; my dad is a great dad but he doesn't know how to process his own emotions so when he is upset or angry he yells, it makes him feel less fragile and more in control but he doesn't realize how it effects those of us around him. I would let him know at a calm time how you are feeling and how it makes you feel when he yells, don't threaten to leave for your mum's initially this will only hurt him. If he doesn't change his actions towards you after this conversation then you might bring up living with your mom as an option.
  • Listen to yourself. You love him so much you are ready to step up to the plate and change roles with him - to start to be HIS parent and worry about his moods and his state of well-being. That's not how its supposed to be. First off, however much you know he loves you, deep down, he is failing you, he is accidentally rushing you out of childhood and making you miserable, training you up even to be a victim. Second off, even if you disagree with that, you do not have the life experience or the training to always know what to say for the best or how to cope. It sounds like he needs adult help from an adult relative (Gran? One of your uncles?) or a trained counsellor, but its unlikely that anyone will come forward and volunteer while you are in the house. While you are there, it looks like he is still coping. When you get out, do it knowing you are not just looking after yourself, you are doing the most adult and responsible and caring thing that you can do for your dad, too. You are getting out of his face and giving him time and space and permission to go off the rails for a while - it sounds like he needs it. Don't go angry or scared, OK? So he knows its not forever.
  • I wonder how this turned out in the end?

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