Why should the women change their name and not the men? It does not strike me as a question of love, it is a question of whether the woman wants to regard herself as a secondary to her husband. Many people have a career and a professional reputation. Why should they lose the good name they have in their job to take their husband's name. Is that really love, or just submissiveness?

Maybe it's a complete waste of time, outdated, small minded (After all you can still srew him after the divorce if you don't take his name), a hassle to change your name with all the places who have you listed as your maiden name such as the bank, work, social security, insurance providers, mortgage lender etc. Serves no purpose, is unnecessary, pointless, apart from the romantic notion that it is............well.............um................romantic...........(?) My better half has said on many occassions that she will not take my name and I am totally in agreement. I would think her airy fairy, head in the clouds romanticism would make me want to not marry her in the first place. That just about covers the first part of the question, but i'm sure you can check a thesaurus for pointless, useless, serves no purpose, bereft of definition, and you will find many other ways to describe the most functionless part of the charade known as marriage. Your other questions go on the incorrect assumption that the first question has an intelligent answer. Sorry to be so brutal and sarcastic, but i have a bee in my bonnet regarding the most ludicrous part of the human condition, namely the unquestioning sheep like bahaviour, whilst labelling it 'tradition'. Rant over, the end. PS, I'm not a bitter divorcee, just some one who sees no point in marriage. SalientAlien, I take your point that children are better raised in close knit families, but my point is that i see no link of any description between marriage and a close knit family. Yes, most close knit families are married, but so are most wife beaters. The ability of anyone to raise a child in a loving environment where they grow up to have the confidence to make well balanced and intelligent decisions about how to live their life has nothing to do with whether their parents spent a small fortune in one wedding day, the primary purpose of which was for the bride to say to her friends,'look at me, aren't I just bloody terrific!' Zilch, zero, not a jot, maybes just the most minutest smidgeon, possibly a peck, a tiny little wafer thin pussbit, possibly, but not very much. As a tangent footnote, the most well balanced youngster I know was raised by unmarried parents, she is more mature than some people I know twice her age. AAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! EDIT- 2 years after posting this answer, I got married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just a wee cheap one mind you, and it was a very pleasant day, seeing my lovely wife feeling great about all things brought a song to my heart. That, and the fact it was attended by our daughter, 8 months old. It sort of seemed like, well why not? We've got the kid, might as well complete the package. I stand by what I said though, it was still expensive, and completely pointless. She took my surname as well. I'll never understand women.

Before I got married I told my husband I planned on keeping my last name (Which by the way I love and Means A LOT to me), he asked me why and I asked him if he would take mine, he said "No way in hell am I giving up my name" "Me either" We happen to love each other very much, I don't see why either of us should change our name to prove that.

maybe it's because the guy second name sounds stupid, for example in friends, monica gellar - monica bing lol

Changing one's name is not proof that one loves one's husband, any more than wearing a ring ensures fidelity! It's also bewildering to me that someone might think having the same name affects how close a family is. As for hyphenating, I think it's silly - and where does it stop? If Mary Smidgens-Hartingly marries Declan MacLeash-Dubois, will their child be Lucifer Smidgens-Hartingly-MacLeash-Dubois? I don't even want to think about the generation after that! Some married women these days keep their own name (it is THEIRS, after all) and use it as a middle name for any children (Denise Davis marries Leon Garcia, and their child is Karen Davis Garcia). Giving up one's name? How is that ever proof of love? Keeping one's name is certainly not a response to the "men can't commit" sophistry. My name is my name, I identify myself with it, that's the name on my checks and my social security card, that's the name on the mailbox and the name by which I have developed a professional reputation. It has nothing to do with how much I love someone, it is simply practical, and it is a choice I would expect a man I loved to respect.

My thoughts on this is that a woman would take on her husbands last name so that she would be identified as being married and being part of the family. If you think about it, it makes sense when a married couple have children and are in a community. If you know the last name of one person is easy to address the other. For example Billy Smiths' parents are Mr. Smith and Mrs. Smith. It's hard to keep track of everyone's name is Billy's parents are Mr. Smith and Mrs. Doe (or Ms?). It could be thought of being oldfashioned, but I see it as making life easier...

God made the man the head of the household. If you're going to represent a family(a group of people with something in common...they live together), it helps to have some way to identify which "group" you belong with, much like kids in school wear similar t-shirts on field trips. That's kind of what a last name does. Therefore, if you're going to have an identifier for your family, the same name seems like the easiest way. Since the husband is the head of the household, his name should be the name taken.

I kept my name, and it had nothing to do with my husband's commitment. It had to do with keeping my identity. The idea that a woman automatically changes her surname dates to her status as chattle. She changed her name to indicate she was no longer her father's property, but her husband's. I have no problem with having the same last name; however, it doesn't have to be me that changes my name. I like my name. It is on my degree, my awards...my entire life. I also plan on sharing the same last name as my children. So, if my husband wants us to all share a name, he'd better be willing to negotiate on the matter. I could turn your question around and ask you why men want their wives to change their surname. Don't they love their wives enough as they are? Are they that insecure? Is it the old "women are property" excuse?

I'm not married, but if I were to get married I don't think I would bother to change my surname unless my husband had a particularly nice sounding one! I like my name the way it is, I'm used to it identifying me, its on my passport, and my bank accounts, I've had work published under it, and I don't see why a change of name would be any indication of how much I loved or didn't love someone, so what would be the point in paying the fee for the passport change, having the hassle with my bank accounts, and having people receiving proffesional correspondence from me thinking "Fuschia who?"? Basically, there is no reason why a woman should change her name, and seeing as its so much hassle to do so- particularly if you work in a proffesion where you are well known by your maiden name and unrecognised by your married one, its a whole lot of bother for not much benefit. Frankly if you think your name is the way to express your love you have more important issues in your relationship to worry about! Besides which- if their husbands think a name change is so indicitive of love, why don't they change theirs?!

My mother hyphenated because our family name held a lot of importance in the Philippines and in several communities in the US. Kinda sucks cuz I got the hyphenated name passed to me, she got divorced and went back to one name, and I'm stuck having to find ways to work my name on forms online or going through a long explaination when spelling my name to people over the phone.

In Arabic culture, women keep their last name after marriage. People are usually very attached to their family name (men and women alike) and changing it is like being cutoff from their family.

It's got nothing to do with not loving them enough - after all most men wouldn't change their surnames to yours either - but some women feel they are losing their identity by giving up their name, and that's their perogative.

In the olden days, a woman would be referred to by the title "Mrs." and her husband's first AND last name. Her using his full name gave her a sense of pride, because getting married and having children was the only way a woman could feel a sense of accomplishment given the constraints of society. There was also an implied sense of ownership there. Marriage was an arrangement whereby a man got a woman whose body he could have sex with, a housekeeper and a brood mare for his spawn. As time progressed, women stopped using men's first names, and used only their last name. The ownership component was still important. Nowadays, many women don't use the husbands' last name at all, and poof, marriages are falling apart like a house of cards. It is hard for society to reshape this ancient partnership model to make both partners more equal, and to still have it work. There has been a backlash to this modernization in that Western men are flocking to third world countries where they can find more economically disadvantaged women who are willing to play the 'ownership' game in an effort to revert to a older sytem that was less confusing and perhaps more stable. Unfortunately, with more opportunities for economic independence the much maligned Western woman doesn't want to jump through those old hoops. It's just the evolution of our civilization. Who knows, maybe the sex slave/housekeeper/brood mare model is the only one that works.

There are several reasons. Some women don't want to change their name because they have no one else to carry on their family name. In Puerto Rico it is very common for women to hyphenate their names. Some people's families are prominant figures in their community, so they would rather not lose the association with their family's name. Some people have made a name for themselves, like celebrities, and don't want their names to change and lose their identity. Others may not change their name because they may not like their partners name. Just because a woman doesn't change her name doesn't mean she doesn't love her husband.

I can't remember the country - I believe it is Japan, but I am not 100% Certain - But in the older times, if a woman was of higher station than the man, or was from a more powerful family, He would take her family name, instead of the other way round.

The whole taking your husbands last name reeks too much of the whole women as property thing for my tastes. I'm married and I never changed my name. It had nothing to do with not loving him, i love him very much. Two things lead me to my dicision, one is my feminist values, and two it was just easier, it's a hassle to change your name, because you have to change it EVERYWHERE from your social security card to the public library. Oh, and for those of you who don't know, the proper way to refer to a married woman that kept her last name is Ms. [last name] or just by their first name.

I think the a common reason is that the woman has a career established in her maiden name.

My boyfriend wants me to ask him to marry him. I think its because he doesnt want to buy me an engagment ring. now that has already put me off quite a bit. So i asked him if i asked him to marry me would he change his surname to mine and he said no ways in hell. No thats just a bit upsetting. If he is not willing to change his name for mine why should I?? does he really love me? I mean in Romeo and Juliet. he says "What is in a name" No if he is not willing to sacrafice his name like I would for him why should I even marry him in the end?

A woman should replace her maiden name with husband's family name. It is a very auspicious tradition which creates a very strong feeling of oneness and unity among the family members. They would say that "we are all members in a family with same surname". It reveals the respect and love that a woman has on her husband. It reveals the adaptability of woman in her husband's house. It also helps parents-in-law to treat their daughter-in-law as their own daughter. Mainly it reveals sacrificing nature, submissiveness, purity and nobility of a woman. If a girl is not willing to change her maiden name, it indicates that (i) she has not adapted herself in her hew house. (ii) she has no true love on her husband (iii) she is opting individual freedom and fashionable life style (iv) She is likely to walk out of married life at any time. (v) she is devoid of traditions. (vi) she cannot become the honor and pride of the family. Hence every tradition should be taken positively. Traditions are not built upon the patriarchy or matriarchy. They are for the good of healthy family system. Young girls should remember that individual passions should not exceed beyond the limits of traditions.

Many women are professionals who are known by the name and have established careers under a name. It's difficult to change your name under those circumstances. For instance, my little sister is an established author. When she married, she kept her name for professional reasons.

This has been a long time generation amidst latin families. It is a show of respect, the bringing together of families. Even the children, take the mother's maiden surname as well as the father's last name and when the girls come of age to marry, the last name has one more last name added to the list. It sometimes helps to keep geneology in the memory and in the heart. I don't know if other Europeans have this custom, I would like to know. But this is a tradition of Spain. I am glad of the input of the lady that rebuttled the question of her husband about taking her last name and he said :'no'...Althoug, legally, it is acceptable. no big deal in this day and age. Some people have beautiful names, why not?...cordially, ac

I can't see myself giving up my last name. My last name is Best.

I would take his name only if I liked it better than mine, or if he were well known, liked or powerful and I needed that at the time. I don't see what love has to do with any of this. It's practicality.

no, they often have degrees and educational documents in their own name. I dont see how this can be translated to her not loving him. Do you translate it to the husbnad does not love his wife if he keeps separate bank accts...after all, he is PLANNING for the divorce.

Everybody in the family should have different names, including the kids. I'm going to let each of my kids pick their own last name when they get old enough.

Many different reasons I imagine but what does the love for her husband have to do with it?

Many women have professional careers (doctors, lawyers, etc.) in which they were already established prior to marriage. In that regard many wish to maintain seperate professional identities.