by In_Pain on October 27th, 2006

In_Pain

Question

Help answer this question below.

Why do I cheat on my wife? I live in closely knit community and I have been outcasted because of this. I feel very lonely and in pain. I really hate myself and I'm in self destructing mood. I have no friends. What can I do?

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Answers. 21 helpful answers below.

  • by lizizhere on October 27th, 2006

    lizizhere

    wanting sympothy for your actions is the wrong thing bud! You should feel guilty & accept responsibility for what you've done. You were only thinking of what you wanted when you done it now your still wanting to think of your self. Try to mend your marriage & family back together if possible, don't worry about what the community thinks they don't live in your home & raise your family. Get professional help & try to learn self control next time. Good luck & remember your not the 1st or only one to do this but you do owe it to your spouse to try to make the wrong better & try to earn their forgiveness.

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  • by lpaw on June 14th, 2007

    lpaw

    because ur a loser

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  • by Anonymous on July 11th, 2007

    Anonymous

    You cheat on your wife because you have no respect, regard, compassion, loyalty or consideration for her.
    You have humiliated her and abused her trust in you and the community in which you live obviously takes offense at and does not accept your behaviour.
    If you are not coping with situations and feelings you create then change your behaviour, get some morals and get some professional assistance to help you do so.

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  • by Brickson on December 6th, 2006

    Brickson

    Hey, this question was from a MAN! (I think)

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  • by MyKinKStar on September 22nd, 2006

    MyKinKStar

    It's about time you took responsibility for yourself and made an effort to understand your need to risk being with other women at all costs! What you're doing isn't just heart breaking, that you have so little concern for yourself, but it's also very dangerous! Even if you use a condom (Please, Yes!), it's not 100% effective! Why would you want to expose yourself (and your wife) to possible diseases? You also risk getting with some crazy ass who cries rape, gets pregnant, or stalks you and/or your wife and commits a serious crime, like murder!

    If you're with someone you care about, who cares about you, why would your actions be okay? Won't your wife be horrified to learn the truth about you and what you're doing? Would you accept her doing this to you? I don't know, maybe you want her to discover what's going on "by accident" to ruin a relationship you feel unworthy of being in. Or you want to see how much she really cares about you if she decides to stay afterwards . . . Regardless, it's time you figured it out. You don't want to be living a shameful lie like this. Are you disgusted with yourself and this is why you ask the question, or do you really want help to change your life pattern of this type of distruction?

    There is no magic pill that will make you respect yourself and those who love you. The answer recommending homeopathic medicine is something you should check out. You might benefit from professional therapy, to help you work through your actions and the reasons behind them. In that case, you will probably be prescribed an anti-depressant, which may or may not be as effective as whatever you get at the health food store. Whichever you decide, you definately need to talk about your destructive behavior with someone to help you understand and stop it from continuing. Joining a men's group might be enough for you to share truthful feelings, and be called on it by others suffering similar issues. The only way you will resolve this behavior is to be honest with yourself and face the truth.

    I hope this helps you. Please take better care of yourself, and those who have committed themself to love you.

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  • by VenusRising on August 19th, 2008

    VenusRising

    You reap what you sow. I wouldn't talk to you either if you lived near me. If the whole community knows about it, then imagine how your poor wife feels.

    Only one thing worse than the actual cheating in this case though...and thats your self absorbed, self pitying attitude

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  • by Anonymous on October 8th, 2007

    Anonymous

    this may seem obvious but maybe you should stop cheating on your wife. stop feeling sorry for yourself its self inflicted mate you should feel sorry for your wife i do for being married to such a low life loser.

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  • by JTP on October 7th, 2007

    JTP

    Suicide is still an option.

    No no really though, you're an asshole, cheating on a spouse is not only a break of trust, but also shows how low your will power is.

    Please, don't have kids.

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  • by chris on October 7th, 2007

    chris

    I too have had trouble with sleeping with other women and my wife and I are living this horrid lie your years. My wife has given me the ultimatum to improve our situation or she is leaving me. I feel hurt and pain and our friends have all taken to the way side and let us deal in our grief. I have finally stopped the crying and paranoia of my friends' actions and turned to my spiritual guide "Conversations with God", my family, and a daily commitment to understanding why I have turned to adultery to fulfill my needs instead of rely on the best thing that ever happened to me--meeting my wife. She is the most important person in my life and will continue to be that for me. We are soulmates and I hurt her to the core. She deserves to be happy with or without me. I support her in all she requests of me to be happy and I will continue my journey of self discovery by committing to specific actions that will show I can be trusted, and that I am working toward a healthy relationship. I apologized to her friends and stopped pointing fingers. I will finish reading "Conversations with God" by December 15th and continue to hold myself accountable by being accessible to my wife 1st and foremost at all times. She will never have to worry where I am or who I am with. I hope this helps in your recovery from one of the worst mental and emotional torments that any one person can place on their friends and loved one. God bless you in your self discovery and you are forever in my thoughts and pains.

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  • by P. W. Pasobrio loves Marines on June 14th, 2007

    P. W. Pasobrio loves Marines

    Because your insecure and immature and have no respect for your wife or your realtionship. To you it's just a game and you don't care who you hurt so long as you get what you want. And you're getting exactly what you deserve so quite whining and looking for sympathy.

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  • by denise on June 14th, 2007

    denise

    You are insecure and need love and attention. Your wife can probably give you this but it's not enough for you. Perhaps it's vanity and fear of being, old or past it, or just not attractive enough, that makes you feel that you need to be able to pull other women. Why don't you try and get some counselling see if you can't break the destructive pattern you are in. I do feel sorry for you because I think it's very difficult for us to change our habits, we are what we are. However, if you want friends and acceptance in your community, you're really going to have to try and get your act together. Good luck

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  • by Azraff on October 27th, 2006

    Azraff

    If you are cheating on your wife and it keeps happening, there is some deeper problem here. Does she not pay enough attention to you? Is she belittling to you? I can't believe this is all your fault. Are you mismatched sexually? Is the person you were with important to you? You may try talking to a therapist, because it's not a simple problem. There is always someone out there that is a kindred spirit, be open to friends who will understand you. I'm sure you do lots of things right. Make a list of all the good things you do and focus on this. Try to be kind to yourself, treat yourself like you would treat a friend in pain. It will be easier to get a grip on yourself this way, rather than by self hatred.

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  • by Sarita1 Goes Bollywood on September 18th, 2006

    Sarita1 Goes Bollywood

    You have to make a decision here. What if she finds out- dont you think she will be crushed and hurt beyond belief? Is her being so hurt worth your cheating? If you cant stop, let her go. You wouldnt be fair to her otherwise. Sounds like you have a serotonin problem. You need the endorphin reaction that come with the rush of a new relationship. There are pills for that at the healthfood store. Seek help if you want to keep her.

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  • by aydeology on January 15th, 2009

    aydeology

    You are getting what you deserve, you asshole.

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  • by killdrphil - reasonable for a madman on January 15th, 2009

    killdrphil - reasonable for a madman

    Probably because you're obviously more concerned about your own feelings than your wife's.

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  • by tommy25 on January 15th, 2009

    tommy25

    I've been a good man all my life. I'm 29 and have always done the responsible thing. I dont know what it is but I'm going backwards here, I see alot of comments here about being immature but all my life I've been the opposite, right up until now. I have feelings that I can no longer control and its got nothing to do with my gorgeous wife. We have been together for three happy years and now all i can think about is other woman, even ugly woman. I think deep inside bro we are all dogs.... seriously though if you want a resolution try talking to God.

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  • by pagan-babe on September 22nd, 2006

    pagan-babe

    Thank you for that,i dont just sleep with anyone i seem to have short affairs :( i dont set out to deliberatly do this.It happens then i get attached to the person but know i have to leave them!!

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  • by BONEYWIZE on September 20th, 2006

    BONEYWIZE

    YOU HAVE TWO CHOICES FIRST YOU MUST TELL HIM AT THE VERY LEAST BECAUSE OF THE HEALTH RISKS INVOLVED SECOND MAYBE HE'S CHEATING ALSO AND YOU CAN JOIN A SWINGERS CLUB. IF THAT DOESN'T WORK STAY OUT OF THE SINGLE'S BARS AND START DRESSING A LITTLE MORE CONSERVATIVE,YOU WILL BE ABLE TO STOP STRAYING WHEN YOU GET OLDER AND NOONE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU ANYMORE AND BY THAT TIME YOU WILL HAVE LOST THE ONLY ONE WHO LOVED YOU FOR MORE THEN JUST A ONE NIGHT STAND

  • by Vashtar on January 15th, 2009

    Vashtar

    Repent and follow God.

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  • by pagan-babe on September 19th, 2006

    pagan-babe

    Thank you do you know what these pills are called i hate to be like this,i know our relationship hasnt been all roses but i really do have a problem and i need to get help with this,thanks for your reply

  • by ShinSephirothSen on August 19th, 2008

    ShinSephirothSen

    well it's kinda hard to say whether why you did it or not because we are not you. You are you. Whatever reason you did it should be the last negative thing that happened between you and her and if not, then i don't really know why.

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