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by PrincessCyndie on October 22nd, 2006

PrincessCyndie

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Why is there a stigma attached to being a stay-at-home mother, and are there any support groups regarding the topic of this stigma?

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  • by onatopp on October 22nd, 2006

    onatopp

    If there is a stigma, you must be around a lot of liberal, feminzais who don't have the dignity, responsibility or unselfishness it takes to be a Mom. The stigma comes from people of low character. Forget them. Be proud!

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  • by Glenn Blaylock on October 22nd, 2006

    Glenn Blaylock

    I don't know about support groups, but if you want someone who will buck you up, I would suggest listening to Dr. Laura Schlessinger (http://www.drlaura.com/main/). She has been a strong advocate for stay-at-home moms for several decades and often gives advice aimed at help such mothers.

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  • by Anonymous on October 24th, 2006

    Anonymous

    Is there?
    On balance I would say there seems to be far more stigma attached to being a mother who goes out to work- even these days. (My sister has been through hell from so-called "friends" bitching about her (financially necessary) return to part time work)

    Most women I know who have had children stayed at home for at least the first five years of their childrens life- or took home-work or part time work if necessary.

    The main reason most mum's state for going back to work is that they need to for their "self-respect" - they feel the need to be perceived as something more than just a wife and a mother and to be a person in their own right. Having a career gives them a way to do this.

    Try not to perceive this common attitude as anything against you- if you're happy to be a stay-at-home Mum there's nothing in the slightest wrong with that. True Feminism is about anyone's right to be who THEY want to be (even Germaine Greer says so!)- not who someone else says you should be.

    If people you know question your decision, its likely to be because they worry about you becoming lonely and isolated (which can happen - but can be avoided, particularly if you form a babysitting circle with other Mum's so you can go out on the town and do your own thing now and then) or get the imfamous "brain-mush" (the zombie-like state you tend to get staying in with atoddler watching daytime TV 24/7 and rarely communicating with other adults- again, can be avoided with a bit of palnning.)
    They also may have worries (likely unfounded)that someone - maybe your husband- is pushing you into the decision, that you'd really prefer to be in work (its often difficult for a career woman to understand how someone could be OK stuck at home all day). Politely re-assure them that you're fine, and you are happy to be at home.
    The perceived stigma may well just be concern. Being a SAHM can be tough, and has pressures all of its own. I noticed a poster in my local library recently advertising a group for Stay At Home Mums- just to gather, chat, socialise and eat cake- and take the kids with them. If there's nothing like this in your area- why not start one up? All it takes is an ad in a shop window or community centre. It'll help you to meet like-minded Mum's who might understand your descision a little better than the people you've been talking to.
    Good luck.

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  • by Roger Kovaciny on October 23rd, 2006

    Roger Kovaciny

    The stigma came from feminism, which has a very mixed record--on balance it seems they have done great harm to women, though some of their early causes were useful. Another great site that supports mothers who devote their full attention to it is <family.org>. When my mother (my own mother!) said "How come your children are so nice and mine (she meant me specifically) were so awful?" I said "Because you read Dr. Spock and I listened to Dr. Dobson."

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