How do you recover your marriage with a husband who is addicted to porn?
by 
starrrgazer
ANSWERS: 10
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With great difficulty, I'm afraid. I would concur with Anon's assertion that you ought to seek counseling, but if this fellow doesn't want to change I doubt you or I or anyone could make him.
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Both of you should explore the reason for this addiction. What is it he "gets" from watching porn? What does it do for him? Have you considered watching with him? Try watching with him and discussing with him whatever you are watching. In clinical terms. Use clinical terminology. Most porn I've seen looks a bit uncomfortable and is certainly degrading. So talk about whether porn elevates women or lowers them. How about the men involved? Does it elevate the men? What is it that this man is doing that he would like to duplicate? What is it the woman is doing and would he like you to duplicate what she is doing? You get the idea, try driving it into the ground with analysis and frank and open discussion.
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To Anonymous--- why would you respond to HIS porn addiction with "There's something he wishes were included in your marriage". This is HIS problem, not the female! That's ridiculous!! He has a porn addiction- it's him, not the willing female. Get over yourselves!
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The best way to rebuild trust is to give it when it's not deserved. Yes, get rid of every pornographic anything in the house - put filter on the net, cancel any porn channels on your TV, get rid of magazines, etc. Don't be naive. But, give him a chance to prove himself trustworthy. Go to counseling together to see how you can help him break this habit, and how he can set things right. The fact that you are looking for answers - for help - in this makes me believe that this can work out, that things can get better for you and your husband. Don't give up. It's worth fighting for. BTW - this is not your fault. If he felt like there was something "missing" in your marriage, he should've had the maturity to talk with you about it. There was no reason to turn to porn, when he had a loving wife there with him.
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everyone is addicted to something for a reason. Talk to him and try to understand why is he so into porn. Then you can divide the problem. Maybe he is into new things and like to know new stuff. Maybe he fancies certain things and he is too shy to talk about them so you can put it into action. Talking is the key to the solution.
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I don't know. Any addiction denotes weakness..inability to control oneself..loss/lack of control can get very scary. As with pedophiles, addiction to pornography may be unchangeable..sad. :(
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Pray! He's in bondage and this matter is FIRST between him and God. As physical as the problem is, it is first a spiritual one.
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Thank you starrrgazer- that answer from anonymous was crap- it has nothing to do with what is lacking in the marriage- it is an ADDICTION that changes the brain chemistry if viewed enough- to the point where the addicted would rather view it than be with a real, live, willing woman/man. Trust me, I'm going through this! And I've done my homework on online pornography- it's a serious addiction that ruins relationships. Thanks for listening.
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Glad I could be so blunt/passionate about this subject
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Right on, starrrgazer- especially about drinking with an alcoholic and enabling the addict- I offered to wath it with my b/f, and now I'm glad I have not. I wonder how far he has escalated? I'm really scared to find out....
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