I am trying to stay sober. The problem is, everyone I know drinks (all of my friends, family etc). I feel really alone and unsupported. my friends tell me to "lighten up" and get drunk with them. How do you stay sober despite the social pressures?

The answer is to drop those "friends". If they are telling you to "lighten up" and to drink with them (1) they aren't your real friends, and (2) they are drawing negativity into your life.

Your relatives should be told frankly, how important it is for you not to drink and that when they srink it places temptation in your way.

If they want to be helpful they should not drink while you are around--not until you have gotten past a certain stage.

Go to AA meetings for other ideas and to find your friends there.

Find new friends. Seriously
All my boyfriends friends as clean and sober. It's cool
He met all his friends at N.A. meetings and 10 years later they are all still friends.

http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/en_find_meeting.cfm
http://www.alcoholics-anonymous.org/?Media=PlayFlash

Sobriety is a HUGE lifestyle change. I suggest meeting a whole crop of new friends and develop your own support group within them.
AA meetings have worked wonders for my ex-husband. look them up. You have an intergroup in your area.

You are about to find out who your REAL friends are. Keep you eyes open for them and hold them close.

Best of luck and stay strong! Today is your only concern.

This is the most important and fragile point in your life. No one has the right to destroy it for you. This includes friends and family. Do not feel guilty about leaving them.

Get clean, stay clean, be with clean and sober people.

You must find new friends. Birds of a feather flock together. I had a friend, all she would want to do is go to the local bar and slam back drinks all afternoon. She was okay but her husband is a nasty drunk and says really horrible things about people.

Haven't been with them for months and I enjoy the peace and quiet.

Best wishes on the desire to stay sober.

Get away from all those people who you were not staying sober with and start over. it will be hard as hell trust me I did it, but it's not whats good for them..it's whats good for you!!!

I had to move to another state to stay sober- now i've been sober 4 years now! graduated from college, bought a house, got married, lots of wonderful things happened once the sobriety kicked in. first year was the hardest- after that things just kept getting better and better. good luck!

don't listen to them!
it's your liver, your life.
go to meetings, there are people there going through the same thing you are.
and if it helps, i think it is amazing that you are doing this despite what everyone around you says to drink anyways, and i support what you are doing 120%.
:)

If your sober and everyone is drunk around you see what they are like. Don't let anyone tell you to get drunk. It's nothing but trouble. I first picked up a drink in
1960 and took me till 1989 to put it down what a waste of years. Now I can't stand the smell of booze or being around drunks. Trust me being drunk is no way to live. Sorry but you come first if they can't respect that time to move on. Ever think their goal is to drag you down to their level. Some friends.

Socialize with different people.
Join an AA meeting, or something along the lines of those suffering from alcoholism. You'll be surrouned with people that share the same positive attitude that your looking to recieve from your friends and family.

I had to stop being around EVERYONE who parties in order to get clean. It was lonley but it saved my life.

All of my friends and family drink and I don't. But most of them are cool about it. I only have one that constantly questions it. And I just give the same answer every time. "I don't need it."

You need new friends. You may be stuck with family, but you can choose a 'new family' by finding an understanding and supporting Church family. Sometimes, that's all you can do. At least until your real family figures out that you're serous about getting sober.

Your friends aren't very good friends if they can't respect your decision to stay sober (or your decision to do anything else, for that matter). I suggest telling them so. Let them know you don't appreciate the way they're handling this. If all they can say is "lighten up", go find yourself a new crowd that will actually support you.

I tkind of sounds like you may want to try to find some new friends. They should support your decision to be sober and not try to pressure you otherwise.

Quitting a substance is different for everyone. If you have "friends" who cannot accept the fact that you have made a personal decision, well then you need to reevaluate your relationships and decide if they are truly worth keeping.

In order to quit any addictive substance, you must have support coming from somewhere. If it is not from within yourself then it has to come from someone close to you. If those who you consider "close to you" are not supportive, go find those that are. Group therapies work very well in this case. AA, NA and many other substance abuse programs are out there for a reason. Utilize these programs. Realize that you are definitely not alone in this struggle.

I commend you and wish you the best of luck.

try to find more friends that don't drink. or be the DD

I have been in this spot. The first month of non-drinking with friends is very hard indeed - its about willpower and not being embarrassed about being socially non-compliant. The way I got through it was I observed my friends getting trashed and when you are not drinking they look pretty dumb pretty quickly. Rise above it. Get arrogant. Get better friends. The second month you are either a drunk again or you have new friends.

I voluntarily stopped drinking 2 years ago (I was having 3-4 beers every weeknight, and at least 1-2 6packs on the weekend). Doesn't sound like a lot, but trust me, it was. Anyway, the first few weeks were tough, and I intentionally avoided situations like Happy Hours, etc... Once I got past that craving 'feeling' (where you can imagine how good that beer would taste), things got much easier for me. And I feel better - no more waking up in the middle of the night with splitting headaches, no more dozing off at night, etc. If you really feel good about your decision, your choice, staying sober will come easier. If you are doing it under duress, or protest... well, that is another story. Going to a bar and staying straight is BORING when everyone else is drinking... but, think about hooking up with a gal who's a little in the bag, and you're not. Or, think about the break you are giving you body... Anyway, all I can say is, good luck.

You have my sympathy. I quit drinking in 2001 because I foresaw it would become a problem. All my siblings drink heavily. So does my mom. After I quit there seemed little we could do together. They tried to get me to drink again. When I refused, the relationships seemed to just go away. I was no longer invited.

I've lost my family. The worst part is them thinking that I think I'm better than them. It isn't true. I just wish they would stop drinking and start living again. They do nothing but gather and drink.

I coped. I watched them as they stumbled and slurred and it became really easy to stay away.

You'll have to accept that your are not accepted. Visit when you know they won't be drinking. Make an excuse to avoid them when they are. Find something to put yourself into. I started writing and I can immerse myself in my fictional worlds and I'm great with it.

I miss who they were, but I don't miss who they are.

I feel like I am very qualified to answer this question as I was a serious drunk several years ago. I quit drinking cold turkey because my wife rightfully said she would leave me if I continued to quit drinking. Once I did she became mad at me for not partying with her and had an affair. For the first year after I quit I just didn't feel as if I could be around a bunch of drinking and partying. Real friends don't tell people with this kind of problem to have a drink. Family members that ask you to drink are even beneath your friends, they should support you. Stay strong and know that everyday you don't drink is another day you won in the battle. Don't let yourself down. Great job and I am proud of you, I know first hand how hard it is. I am not ten years without a drop and divorced, I refused to be married to a woman that asked me to quit then cheated because I didnt want to party. I have never been so happy in my life.

find new friends...immediately..and ask your family to attend a meeting with you so your counselor can help them understand what it is your going through. A relative of mine had been to rehab 3 times..every time he came back he would fall into his old habits because he went right back to same group of friends. Finally his parents sent him to rehab in Hawaii and when he was done he called them and told them he wasn't coming back...he has now been clean for 30+ years...may seem a bit extreme but you have to do whatever you can to take care of you. Good luck and God bless you.

I've had 1 drink in my life, and I'm in my mid 20's. Be proud that you don't need to fall into the crowd. Do what you want, and don't let anyone pressure you otherwise. You're not alone.

Those seem like crappy friends. I suggest you learn how to play chess.

I have struggled with this also, and I'm sorry you don't have anyone on your side or getting your back. I couldn't bare the thought of being all by myself while my friends went out. The only way i got through it is with some tough will power. I did find it helped alleviate some of the awkwardness if i had a drink (albiet non-alcoholic) in my hand, just like everyone else. I was still with my friends, still got to laugh at their drunken craziness, but got to stick to what i wanted for myself.

I know exactly how you feel because I am in the same position. I have decided to start loving myself and finding new ways to have fun. I have not fully achieved this but I am seeing that I will not stop drinking unless I find other people and things to do that are as much fun. I am literally alone, as far as friends and family go with being supportive. I will learn to be my own best friend and when I do I know the right people will be in my life and I will be making better choices.

I'm really sorry you have no support from your friends and family. The reality is, no one is gonna look out for you but YOU, you have to surround yourself with new supportive people,that truly do care. if you wanna move foward with your sobriety let go of the past and that includes friends. I know its hard but you need to have the the "will power" you can't surround yourself with negative attitudes that are just gonna bring you back into what your trying so hard to stay away from. Its not worth it.

A.A. and recovery really do work. The fellowship, friendships and fun that happens can totally change your life. Check it out anytime all are welcome .

how?just stay sober..leave if they are really forcing you,then come back when they are not drinking anymore..maybe tommorrow.my mom and sisters drink,i have friends who drink,but i remain sober by sticking to my promise to myself which is not to drink alcohol

Make new friends!!! If your friends are pushing alcohol despite the fact they know you have problems, they're not friends at all. real friends care about your life and your health, time to make new friends, perhaps reaching out to others in your situation, peeps that understand what you are doing to improve the quality of your life, maybe reach out to a support group! best to you.

Tell them to respect your choices. You don't have to get drunk in order to have a "good time". What is so great about being disoriented and hurling your bodily contents?

Im playing that game myself, drinking tea as i type :) The easiest way, the only way for me, is to hybernate for a while... No contact with my drinking buddys...Im sitting at home trying to keep myself amused other ways, The minute I see any friend or family, a bottle gets poped open....

I admitted to myself that my being sober was my problem, not theirs, and I was responsible for living my own life. It was very hard but I just pass without making a big deal about it when people around me drink cuz I don't want my problem to ruin their good time

you need to do whatever u can to leave those people.

Find new friends. Trust me, it's the only way. If they aren't going to respect your efforts to get sober, then they aren't worth remaining friends with. Can't do anything about your family, but you can limit the time you spend with them if they won't respect your efforts either.

Good luck. Don't give up!

Find other friends. Your current ones will need to lighten up when their lives are down the toilet. Get some friends who are going somewhere and head out with them.

If they are really your friends they would support you, and your family. You need to go to a support group it will help you out alot, they know what you are going through. you need to stay away from the people that don't support you atleast till you are stronge enugh to say NO! I know you can do it!

There is no doubt that you will loose some friends if you manage to stay sober. But there will be plenty who are fine with the new you.

In my experience, it would be a miracle if you ended up with all non-drinking friends. The vast majority of people drink and do it sensibly. They will probably ask you why you don't drink, but I am sure you will develop your own answer to that.

The main problem I found was how boring it was when you got to the part of the evening when everyone is sloshed. They just keep repeating the same things over and over again. The good news is that, by then, they don't even realise you are sober. They won't even notice if you just go home. Nothing good ever happens after this point anyway.

I reckon it takes about six months to get over the worst. I wouldn't bother with AA unless you are already religious. It really boils down to how much you want it.

They aren't your friends. They sound more like drinking buddies. If you really want to exclude alcohol from your diet, you will need to make new friends that you can do something else with. Good Luck..This was the hardest for me but I don't really miss them nor the hangovers..lol

Jesus says drunkards cannot enter into the Kingdom of Heavan. That is one reason to saty sober wheather or not your friends laugh or mock you Jesus says that the world hated Him first then they will hate you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:

thanks everyone

you need some new friends. stop drinking alcohol now and you will out live all your friends and all your relatives.

Excellent question. I can tell you what works for me. When I was helpless lost in active alcoholism and felt like dying, I turned to AA. There I worked the 12 Steps, and now my attitudes about life in general and alcohol in particular are completely different.

I can go anywhere I want and be around anyone I want. I'm not battling it anymore. The fight is over. I'm free.

Give it a try. Maybe it will work for you too.

Get a hobby that draws you away from the temptations.

I do feel for you. My son has an alcohol intolerance yet still gets egged on to drink and is told that 'a few won't hurt'. There are times he just doesn't go to certain parties as he knows the pressure from some will be unpleasant. I must add that real friends are very good about it and understanding.

I wish I had an answer for you, best wishes.

Wow, you really gotta develop a new support system! You didn't mention whether drinking was a problem for you, so I am going to be on the safe side and assume it has been. With that in mind, I cannot understand why your family would encourage you to drink unless they are all alcoholics, too.

It can be very hard to eventually build a base system of new, supportive folks, but I would strongly suggest numerous AA 12 step programs per week. They meet all over the place all the time. Also, larger churches in your area may offer meetings for folks just like you. You don't have to be a member of that church to go, either. You can set it up to where you can always be in meetings throughout the week. I wish you luck. Don't give up!

Drink diet coke (YOU order it, don't let them... they may order a rum and coke, etc.) and be the designated driver, or the friend who makes sure all the others get home. It's called "responsibility".

Cut the ties with the people you are hanging around.

Get in contact with your local AA meetings here you will find the support you need.

Believe in yourself there are many people out there who have done this and are doing it, so you can do it too!

Find alternative hang outs/hobbies to keep yourself sober.

Best of luck do it before its too late my dad was an alcoholic and sadly he didn't give up he died aged 43, don't go down that road.

How I stay sober despite social pressures:

1. First thing I did was that I had stopped contacting those so called "friends" (I erased/deleted their numbers from my phone and never called them again).

2. Attend A.A. meetings (make friends there that are in the same exact boat as you are).

3. Exercise (I workout 6 days a week and for 90 minutes each day. It gets me too tired to go out and get blasted).

4. Get a spiritual belief (I go to church every Sunday and Wednesday night Bible study. But this is my belief).

5. Don't go out too much anymore (if you do go out, just go to a restuarant, not a bar/club anymore. And it's better to go to family type restuarants where there's not alcohol served; such as Denny's, Village Inn, or any other in your town that doesn't serve alcohol beverages).

6. Take up a new hobby (I'm thinking of taking up embroidery/needlepoint soon).

I've been clean, sober and happier than I've ever been in my 5 1/2 yrs. sobriety. I learned to live life through the people at AA meetings. They will help you deal with your family (mine are active alcoholics). The people you meet at AA meetings will be the best friends you've ever had. Please call them AA hotline in your phone book. What seems impossible is not!