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by Blah612 on October 9th, 2006

Blah612

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My boyfriend says he wants to marry me but the other night he told me he had second thoughts, he says its hard to deal with my strict parents and he wants to see me more. if he loved me he wud stick around no matter what RIGHT?

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Answers. 8 helpful answers below.

  • by AB-CrazyToon on November 27th, 2006

    AB-CrazyToon

    I am Punjabi (Sikh) from India and my parents are very religious and strict about culture/religion. I have a older brother who is married and had an arrange marriage. So needless to say that hell broke loose when I decided I wanted to marry a Chinese girl. It was bad enough that she wasn't Sikh, she had to be another race all together. Took me few years to get everything straighten out and we finally got married this year in October after being together for almost 5 years. All this time me and her both had to make lots of sacrifices and had to show the parents how much we love each other and things to let them see that we are meant to be together. Its VERY hard to do when your parents are strict and very cultural.

    I am not young or anything but I still respect my parents. It has nothing to do with being over 18, its about respecting your parents. You just have to show your parents that it is what you want and if they love you enough, they will eventually accept it.

    Your boyfriend might not be strong enough to actually go through the whole process, in that case it might be that he doesn't love you enough to go through the troubles. Or maybe he doesn't see the light at end of the tunnel. You should sit down with him and discuss his intentions and find out if he is strong enough and go through this together. On the other hand, you will have to be strong and let your parents know how you feel. Maybe there is just not enough communication? Anyways, good luck with all that and hopefully things will work out for the best :)

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  • by TracyTan on November 27th, 2006

    TracyTan

    Love itself does not fix everything... how do we deal with things, how strong we are and how do we handle the situation affect the outcome tremendously. Love is the backbone and the support and I have no doubt about it, but some people can deal with more difficulties in relationship and some people just can not.

    It's always better to really understand a person before you go into a marriage. I have seen my sisters, my friends broke up with long term bf/gf because of family issue when they start talking about marriage; but I myself are the survivor. Me and my husband had both side of family against us being together 3~4 years ago, but we fought through all that to finally be together this year. My mom still not agree with my marriage so my battle still going on, but I truly believe one day she will understand.

    You have to ask yourself what are you looking for and communicate with him to see what's his concern. I believe love + communication + understanding each other will make things work better; not just love itself.

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  • by Stableboy on October 9th, 2006

    Stableboy

    Anything that comes after "if he loved me" is suspect. Love isn't about the conditions we place on each other.

    That doesn't mean you should avoid conditions though: its important for you to know what you need from him and what you expect. Just don't confuse that stuff with love.

    Other than that footnote, I think Auntie Em's has it right.

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  • by AntigoneRising on October 9th, 2006

    AntigoneRising

    He may be wanting to have some more time to get used to your parents; however, I agree with Auntie Em (even though I cannot rate her anymore). If your parents are that big of a consideration in the whole deal, neither of you are ready at this time to get married. I also agree that this raises red flags, and you should be looking at his other behavior. How much of his BEHAVIOR (not words) says that he loves you, respects you as his equal and partner, and will protect you and your feelings from not only others, but also himself?

    Trust me, this is what marriage takes. I didn't have it in mine. I'm divorcing.

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  • by littl_foggy on January 17th, 2007

    littl_foggy

    well it's your job to look at what he said and determin what your willing too change in little ways to comprimise with him.

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  • by JUSTNORMAL on October 9th, 2006

    JUSTNORMAL

    Yes he would stick around regardless, but then again it depends on his age. If he is a teenager, then I suggest you take your time to marry. If you are over 18 then you can make your own decisions as can he, and if he is having second thoughts due to your parents, I would simply discuss it with him, but again depends on your ages.

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  • by nikosweets on November 27th, 2006

    nikosweets

    Parents r always strict when it comes to that they prob. just r trying to break him down to see if he would back out on u. Tell your boyfriend that if he really lovs u he wudn't have second thoughts ask him if he lovs u and ask him if he lovs u so much for all those reasons he lovs and wudn't let any thing come between u

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  • by Anonymous on October 9th, 2006

    Anonymous

    Sounds like an excuse to leave you for someone else. if a person really loves another person, parents, brothers, sisters, whatever, would never get in the way. love will not let this happen.

    Have a serious talk with your boyfriend. the truth will surface.

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