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by secrecy on May 16th, 2008

secrecy

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Is it possible to date two men at the same time? Is it possible to be sexual with the two with proper health precautions? I've seen and heard about poligamy, where men can date and marry multiple partners. Why can't women do it?

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Answers. 27 helpful answers below.

  • by Gingerminx on July 27th, 2009

    Gingerminx

    Yes. Yes. They can.

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  • by Compersionist on June 27th, 2008

    Compersionist

    I think women should be able to do so if they want to. Yes, it's possible for a woman to date two men at once. The difficulty is finding men who are okay with that, or trying to keep it a secret from them. I say you should be sexually active (with precautions, as you suggested) with however many people you want.

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  • by boogysplit on July 27th, 2009

    boogysplit

    why cant they??? I think in reality some do.

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  • by Anonymous on July 27th, 2009

    Anonymous

    Of course. Safe sex is actually very easy to do. Just have both partners get tested and use condoms with each of them (it's also advisable to add a second method, like the pill).

    Actually, in a few cultures, women can be polyandrous. On the show Taboo, there was a profile of an Indian village where a woman has many husbands. Usually they are brothers. This arrangement works because the men can't afford to own their own homes. If the brothers marry the same woman, they all get to have a wife and keep the family home. I'm not sure if any other cultures do this, but this particular group of people seemed very happy with their arrangement.

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  • by ladyshakespeare on July 27th, 2009

    ladyshakespeare

    as long as you are open and honest with them, and they are both agreeable to it, who cares. But DONT string one along thinking that you may learn to love him.

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  • by josie III on July 27th, 2009

    josie III

    Marriage evolved as a bargain. The woman has some security during the vulnerable period that she is pregnant and nursing, the man has a regular sexual partner. As humans became civilized, "society" gained a benefit as well. The men were less inclined to kill each other over the women. This is only a legal arrangement and does not speak at all as to how many partners that either gender might want to have. Biologically, females are less inclined to risk their single egg, but men are less careful about spreading around their abundant sperm. Finally, lots of religions limit woman's sexual behaviour much more than that of men, since church heirarchy is usually male.

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  • by Sharona Life is a Tale Told by an Idiot on July 27th, 2009

    Sharona Life is a Tale Told by an Idiot

    Go for it, have a ball, have two sets of balls for all anyone cares.

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  • by Done. never again. on May 16th, 2008

    Done. never again.

    Oh secrecy, I hope you're not doing what I think you're going to do...

    You can casually date 2 guys at once, but once you are in a relationship you can't. I would not recommend having sex with both of them. Someone is going to get hurt.

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  • by iwnit on July 27th, 2009

    iwnit

    1) It is a possible and not so infrequent practice to date two men at the same time. As long as you are not committed to any of them, and it does not last too long, it could also be accepted by both of them.

    If commitment or sex are involved, it could become much more difficult. Either they both agree with it, and you build a "ménage à trois", or you are not telling them about it, and then you have trust issues.

    "Ménage à trois is the French term describing a domestic arrangement in which three people having sexual relations occupy the same household."
    Source and further information:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ménage_à_trois


    2) Depending on where you live, such arrangements could be accepted, ignored, illegal, or stigmatized.

    Also, they would probably only be able to exist on an informal basis, and not be officially recognized like marriages. The reason is the laws, which bases on the local views on morality. Those views are often strongly influenced by mainstream religious rules.


    3)"The term polygamy (a Greek word meaning "the practice of multiple marriage") is used in related ways in social anthropology, sociobiology, and sociology. Polygamy can be defined as any "form of marriage in which a person [has] more than one spouse."

    In social anthropology, polygamy is the practice of marriage to more than one spouse simultaneously. Historically, polygamy has been practiced as polygyny (one man having more than one wife), or as polyandry (one woman having more than one husband), or, less commonly as group marriage (husbands having many wives and those wives having many husbands). (See "Forms of Polygamy" below.) In contrast, monogamy is the practice of each person having only one spouse. Like monogamy, the term is often used in a de facto sense, applying regardless of whether the relationships are recognized by the state (see marriage for a discussion on the extent to which states can and do recognize potentially and actually polygamous forms as valid). In sociobiology, polygamy is used in a broad sense to mean any form of multiple mating. In a narrower sense, used by zoologists, polygamy includes a pair bond, perhaps temporary."
    Source and further information:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polygamy


    4) "Polygamous unions are recognized civilly in nearly fifty countries, most of which are located in the Arab world. The few exceptions in the Middle East include Israel and Turkey, which have had a fair amount of western influence, and the African nation of Tunisia.[5] Almost a dozen countries that do not allow polygamous civil marriages recognize polygamous marriages under customary law, though in the eyes of the government, they are not considered to be genuine marriages. All northern states in Nigeria recognize polygamous marriage, as these states are governed by Sharia Law. Districts in Eritrea that operate under Sharia also recognize polygamous marriages, while the federal government does not. Polygamy tends to be the least-frequently practiced in the secular Arab states, such as Lebanon, which still allows for such unions.

    The United Kingdom and Australia recognize polygamous unions performed in another nations that permit them, such as Libya and Saudi Arabia. In other similar circumstances, India and Sri Lanka, on the other hand, only allow their Islamic citizens to legally join in polygamous marriages. India has the third largest population of Muslims in the world, though the practice is far more prevalent among Indian Hindus than Indian Muslims. Many Indians have converted to Islam in order to bypass such legal restrictions. Predominantly Christian nations usually do not allow polygamous unions, with a handful of exceptions being the Republic of the Congo, Uganda, and Zambia. Myanmar (frequently referred to as Burma) is also the only predominately Buddhist nation to allow for civil polygamous marriages, though such is rarely tolerated by the Burmese population.

    The self-governing regions of Somaliland (which declared total independence from Somalia in 1991) and Puntland (declared partial independence in 1998) also recognize polygamy, akin to the formal Somali government itself, as the nation is governed by Sharia law. The autonomous region of Southern Sudan also recognizes polygamy. The Palestinian territories — composing of West Bank and Gaza Strip — also make polygamous unions legally available to all muslim citizens of the territories. The practice can also be found within in Bhutan and parts of Nepal, despite its formal illegality in the country.
    Debates of legalizing polygamous marriages continue in Kenya, Namibia, and many Central Asian countries."
    Source and further information:
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_status_of_polygamy

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  • by Evanfris25 on July 27th, 2009

    Evanfris25

    GO FOR IT GIRL. YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT. tell us how it works out too later. i hope it works well for you. +4

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  • by CaRbOnPrOdUcK is Baccuss on July 27th, 2009

    CaRbOnPrOdUcK is Baccuss

    Its not only possible, it's probably not that uncommon. So yes. I do think so.

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  • by Jane on July 27th, 2009

    Jane

    yes it is possible. Yes it does happen.
    and Yes, women do do it.

    PS I just said Do-Do.

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  • by Anonymous on July 27th, 2009

    Anonymous

    I think many women do it and don't tell anyone, not even their close friends. I mean, they may not be "dating" multiple guys, but many of them fuck multiple guys. I think deception is always morally wrong, but whether or not you care about morals is a different story. Scientifically speaking, I just think women have less of an urge to be with multiple partners than men do. I think in most species, the males wander and procreate at their will, and females choose one that they want to procreate with, and do so.
    Men have more of an imbedded primal instinct to have more partners than women. Let's face it, women can get pregnant and men can't, so there's more of a risk factor for women.

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  • by sexxxydee on July 27th, 2009

    sexxxydee

    You can just be careful that you don't fall in love with both of them

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  • by Im Alec has abandoned this account on June 25th, 2008

    Im Alec has abandoned this account

    It is possible to do so informally, but multiple marriage is not allowed in most jurisdictions. And if you are doing so, there is is no reason why women should not do the same as men. Generally, this is known as "polyamory" - you might want to look this up on the web. It can be made to work - some people are happy to share a partner, sometimes in return for the same the other way, sometimes not. It is not, however, easy, and there are lots of cases where what is claimed to be equal polyamory is actually one partner forcing the other to allow him/her to do what they want.

    Polyamory differs from promiscuity in that the numbers of partners are smaller, and each side knows, and gets on socially, with the other's partners.

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  • by Neumann on June 25th, 2008

    Neumann

    im pretty sure poligamy (multiple partner marriage)is illegal in the united states....
    i dont see a problem with women dating and having sexual relations with multiple partners (as long it isnt at the same time lol) its not like you have to tell anyone. on issue would be morally. personally, i couldnt share my heart with more then one women. But, if youre just dating, i believe its ok because youre not actually in a commited relationship.

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  • by anonymous on September 6th, 2011

    anonymous

    Women should do it!

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  • by jengirl1983 on March 25th, 2011

    jengirl1983

    ive dated a guy since july of 2010..well not dated..but bcame best friends with him..i was going thru a divorce..so was he..i met him at school..me and him would hang out damn-near everyday..i didnt actually "dive-in" and kiss him till mid october..realizing at that moment that i had fallen for my best friend..well..bc of his kids and pressures at his home(he is living temp with his parents)..and the ex wife(or soon to be) taking the kids away as she threatens..he backed off for a couple weeks here and a couple weeks there..(but never went back to his wife(or anyone else for that matter)..during the back and forth..i got frustrated and started dating another guy...3 weeks into dating guy #2,..guy number1 finalized his divorce and says "i know it took way too long!! im sorry!!!" and wants to be together long term..but now guy number 2 is starting to have real feelings for me..and i dont wanna hurt either..but im afraid to drop both or one of them..i know thats not fair to them..im fully aware..i just dont know what to do!! as a general rule..i never considered dating more than one guy at a time..beh!! :-(

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  • by bowlermommy07 on June 25th, 2008

    bowlermommy07

    Women can't do it because it is a double standard used to make us inferior to men so they can be supremacists and get away with it.

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  • by Anonymous on March 3rd, 2010

    Anonymous

    I don't understand. Why can't women do it? As far as I was aware women not only CAN do it, they do! And it is good for them to do it too.

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  • by Anonymous on May 17th, 2010

    Anonymous

    It certainly IS "possible to date two men at the same time" - in fact you can "date" as many men as you'd LIKE to - whether or not a "date" includes sexual activity is entirely up yo YOU ! A "dating" relationship doesn't insure sexual activity - nor does it involve being EXCLUSIVE with any ONE person - that is unless or until you AGREE to "date" exclusively - or be exclusive sexually ! I don't happen to think that "love" - let alone MARRIAGE - has to include being sexually exclusive ! It's obviously "possible" to "LOVE" a person and still be sexually attracted to another. I don't like the thought that "love" has to mean that either person has to make sexual sacrafices and suppress sexual desires for another person ! What "love" ( AND marriage ) should mean is that you are honest and OPEN with one another - that you AGREE to what is and is NOT acceptable within the relationship - and stay true to that agreement ! If that agreement allows for sexual activity with others there's absolutely nothing wrong with having "multiple partners". If, on the other hand, the agreement includes being sexually exclusive you need to stay true to THAT agreement - even though that may mean you have to suppress desires for others sexually and make that sacrafice to be true to the AGREEMENT you made with your partner !

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  • by judgebill on May 17th, 2008

    judgebill

    What exactly is "it"? Let's be realistic, most laws on the books about people living together, having babies together, and so forth, without marriage, are ignored. So, if you can find a couple guys willing to set up housekeeping with you, go for it. Just don't make the mistake of trying to get two marriage licenses and going through marriage ceremonies with two guys without a divorce proceeding in between. Living together seems to be legally acceptable. You can even be married to one person and live with another. But to be married to two at the same time is illegal. Living with two at the same time is acceptable. Go figure.

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  • by Anonymous on February 24th, 2010

    Anonymous

    We can and do.

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  • by GothickZombie on October 14th, 2009

    GothickZombie

    Women definately can. Don't feel that you have to become the bisexual standard as a woman in polyamorous relationships. And neither of them have to be the straight standard.

    Since it's a relationship, not a one night stand...

    Polyamory. Dating multiples, or having the capacity to date multiples. That, specifically, is a triad. (Not a threesome.)

    You might want to go to polyamorousmisanthrope.com to get some more info.

    Marriage may not happen for you if you do this.

    Just keep in mind that honesty is the best policy. Good luck.

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  • by Boycott on June 25th, 2008

    Boycott

    I heard in some African villages women can marry more than one man. If you want multiple partners you should go there/-

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  • by C-man on July 27th, 2009

    C-man

    because in many countries the man is far more important than women, men can marry as many wives as they want as long as he can support them and their children, the women don't have to work, just house hold tasks, and if a woman would work and support me i wouldn't care if she married more than one man... but that's just me

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  • by dead leaves raked in a pile on August 26th, 2009

    dead leaves raked in a pile

    Maybe the rules were set up by men.

    and maybe in societies where it was common had a lot of men killed hunting or in battle, leaving a surfeit of women.

    Maybe they were left with the option of getting the women killed too or marrying them.

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