Due to a file server malfunction, the new Witness Protection Program Support Group has lost your data. So that you may receive notice of our upcoming functions would you please immediately provide us with contact information?

Thank you for your cooperation. We will see that the information gets distributed promptly. ;-)

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by Possum on May 12th, 2008

we'll send a couple of guys to escort you to the next party. don't be surprised if they show up unannounced at night and want to sew you into a canvas bag-it's standard procedure.

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by Possum on May 12th, 2008

Thank you, we'll notify you of our upcoming lazana, fried pie and rocky mountain oyster, limbo and rum social we're going to be having in your area.

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by Possum on May 12th, 2008

no thank you. i pass.
I will soon be moving to Coke Line, I mean Coke Lane.
and i don't like rocky mountain oyster.
but i like special brownies. add that and i may come.

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by [Deleted] on May 12th, 2008

we'll tell you anything-oh, i mean we'll serve anything you'd like.

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by Possum on May 12th, 2008

hmmm. are you really from the Witness Protection Program Agency, because if you're not, then i revoke my address.

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by [Deleted] on May 12th, 2008

would we lie to you? but if you're uncomfortable the the disclosure we'll just forget about it insted of selling the information to the folks you ratted out. you can trust us.

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by Possum on May 12th, 2008

i'm so glad hypnotism doesn't work thru mail. i am uncomfortable. i lied about where i live. I put Smokey Road instead of Smokey Drive. So HA, you'll never find me. I'm sick of the angency, the stupid names you've put me thru have scarred me for life. Iwana Dunkle, Q.T. Sutterbutt, Tanya Hide, and now Hippie Raver. I'm DONE. Go live in secret yourself! I've decided to 'come out of the closet' and be who i am, and live where i want to. so there.

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by [Deleted] on May 12th, 2008

don't get discouraged-this is not an exact science. we have a new position for you-director of consumer satisfaction at yugo motors. your hame will be Hellen Blazes. if someone is unhappy we can just tell them to go to Hellen Blazes. In the meantime
would you mind faxing or scanning me copies of your photo ID, tax returns, a blank check and at least two credit cards so that we can verify your request? upon receipt we will be able to expedite the process.

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by Possum on May 12th, 2008

remember?- i was never issued a new ID for this name. I have no tax returns because technically i don't exist to the country, be because this is witness protection. I'm starting to think i need protection from the witness protection agency.

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by [Deleted] on May 12th, 2008

That's why we got the t-shirt, "I went into the witness protection program and all I got is this lousy t-shirt" and the bumber stickers, "Honk if you know I'm in witness protection" -so it will be easier for our people to find and help you.

good idea, heh!

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by Possum on May 12th, 2008

Oh ye of little faith. That's why we're issuing the "I'm in Witness Protection and all I got was this Lousey T-Shirt" shirts and bumber stickers saying "Honk If You Know I'm In Witness Protection". That way our agents can find you more easily to help you!

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by Possum on May 12th, 2008

and so can the enemies! yay! *%$##@
I'm makin my own shirt that says I'm hiding from Witness Protection.
You'll never find me. Have a good life.

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by [Deleted] on May 13th, 2008

before you go would you pleae stop by the office for your implant and ear-tag?

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by Possum on May 13th, 2008

another one?

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by [Deleted] on May 13th, 2008

New model-can be picked up by anyone with an FM radio.

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by Possum on May 13th, 2008

radios scare me. people talking who i can't see. no thank you. but i'll go for the ear-tag, i've always wanted it pierced.

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by [Deleted] on May 13th, 2008