Hi there, i have been down this road myself in two ways...#1) as a very young person where after 4 years of dropping jobs at a moment's notice to accommodate "his vision" of our life together, which in the end, he held onto 'everything' because he claimed he 'paid' for it and minimizing my contributions....and #2) having an unplanned child out of wedlock 12 years later at a time where luckily I was finishing a degree in University but unluckily to watch as he [under 'family' pressures] wrecked havoc on our security, walked away and years down the road diminished his role as the child got older [and you can't just only 'go to the movies' with them anymore]to the point where he [incrediablly] claims 18 years later - he's not the father!! So, here's what I can tell you from hindsight: a)keep your education up - for me that was a saving grace because you do not need low-paying jobs;... b)get out now for time to yourself and network with other people [even other moms but try not to wallow in misery together], try other groups maybe church groups, volunteer, etc - it keeps your value as a person way up and provides contacts, and even skills perhaps for your resume but it gives you the distance to keep your perspective - very important! It can be difficult to see where you are in life if the only voices in your head are negative ones!! Get some encouraging voices in there too;... c) make sure you are legally protected - you must make a paternity agreement!!!! This will lay it out in the eyes of the court that he has a responsibility in the rearing of the children even if he decides later that he doesn't 'want to' [lucky for me - I also had one]. You don't have to be aggressive asking for one but you can argue that [and most people don't know this] that in legal terms, if you do not have documents that claim your right as the "legal" birth parent, technically, if your child was abducted and taken from your state or who knows where, you do not have the 'legal' right to order any action from the police or federal authorities to go after the child. [They might help but if it is an international situation - good luck!],I believe the term is that you are now only 'de facto parents' meaning you gave birth to but have no legal rights over your child. So, get your rights together immeadiately. Today! The basic thing is this: you and you alone are responsible for yourself and for the time being your children. If you want Life to treat you well, it won't just "happen" and everything takes time, so you will be 10 years older, do you want to be 10 years older and have an education, potential, etc. or remain just the same? Your mate, friends, etc. will have their own reasons for keeping you at the same level because its 'easy on them', you might be making their life comfortable - why would they want to see you mess that up? Your mate may even have no ability to 'hear' you and let's face it, the environment he's in is riddled with males who aren't living up to their responsibilies. Even best friends, may want to keep you back - change is not always welcome. But Change is eternal - so make the most of the change come as a result of your positive input. Hope that helps.

Hi again, I just remembered....just for the heck of it, see if he'll watch an episode of 'Crash Test Mommy'...I've never seen an episode where the 'fill-in mom' doesn't soon realize what's really involved with a day at home with the kids! Hey, maybe you can even get on the show!

This happens in many marriages when the wife stays at home to support the husband in his career. Of course, he will argue that he goes out to work in order to support you at home, but that doesn't take into account all of the work you do to raise the kids, keep the house, cook his meals, wash his clothes, and other time-consuming activities that you have taken over. Perhaps if you and the kids take a little vacation it would become a lot clearer to him just where he would be without your support. This is supposed to be a partnership, and your needs aren't being taken into account. Particularly if you didn't want to quit your job in the first place! A lot of stress in a marriage comes from money, and a lot of times when there's only one partner doing the earning they will be doing all of the complaining when the other partner tries to spend some. The most important thing for you to do at this point is to open your own personal bank account if you don't have one, and start putting money in it. It might seem unfair to have to make your own money again after all you've sacrificed for him to be the breadwinner, but I think you'll benefit in the end. This way when you have purchases you absolutely need and you want to avoid an argument, you can spend your own money and he can't say a dang thing, since you're basically following his suggestion. It will feel good to have your own income again and it will take away some of his control over you, which will either calm down the situation or drive him absolutely batty depending on what kind of guy he is. There are many ways to make money from home if you aren't ready to return to work. Some of the online survey sites actually do pay you, and you can sell things on Ebay or many other sites for some extra cash. If you still have connections from your old job, perhaps you can do some work from home as a consultant in the same field. The other reason to start building up your own bank account is so that you will have some financial independence to build on if this marriage breaks up. Having some security for yourself will give you leverage, and it doesn't encourage hubby to straighten up and fly right, it will at least give you a good start if you need to leave the situation.

God what an ass. Tell him to shove it where the sun don't shine. If he didn't want you at home with the kids, then why the hell did he make you? He screams control freak! I would get a job and put the profits in a seperate account for you. Then if you divorce him, you will have at least something to fall back on.

My husband is just like yours. The difference is we are in our 50's, just recently married and our children are grown. He is very successful but resents me for not working. He supports his 24 year old daughter and her 5 month old baby....he freely "loans" money to his 35 year old son who of course never pays him back. He once told me "I don't owe you anything, you didn't give birth to my children." My response to your question is that he will never change....young children or not. Perhaps it is time for you to stop making his home life so easy. He needs to learn how to appreciate you! And I believe that if you were working...he would have issues with that. Stand strong and firm. As hard as you are working, you deserve his acknowledgement and respect.

Good grief! What an ass! I was made to feel guilty for spending any money at all when I was off work for 10 months after having my daughter, yet I supported him for several months before we married because he was paying off loans and couldn't help with the costs. We eventually split up. I always insisted on keeping my own bank account (though we also had a joint account for household expenses). He was very keen for me to go back to work because he thought I was bludging off him. He isn't too good with money. I'd suggest seeing if you can go back to working even if it is part time because you'll feel better about yourself even if not much more money is coming in.

Yeah Wayne does that too. I'm trying to do all I can,my parents help too but he is a ass who thinks everyone owes him something. He thinks because he is the only one working right now he can spend what he wants and I have to almost beg for a few dollars. I almost ready to boot his ass outa my apartment,we don't pay rent because my uncle owns it and he lets me live there for free. All Wayne has been doing is paying a electric bill and buying very few groceries.

Figure out a way to make money..hmmm well before that is settled, ask him to figure out a way to keep the house clean, someone to cook and mind the kids as well as doing the errands? If he has a way to those things then you can figure out a way to make money..?

That seems like a really asshole thing to bring up in arguments. If it's constant and really bad, honestly go out and do it and leave him to clean up everything you're not doing anymore now that's you're earning money.

you pound him in the head & make him realize,he wont realize your point since he is dulled by his own reasons

It sounds like he is just frustrated maybe because he realizes now that you guys need more than his income. Try not to argue about it. Maybe you should look for a part time job, but if you would have to pay for child care it might not even be worth it.

here's a way to make some money...leave his sorry ass and take half of his assests with you...that should shut him up.

Apparently he wants it both ways. Someone staying home eliminates the stress of finding ways to arrange an eye on the kids from day to day in various situations. Yet he will not take his part and accept that he must show respect in the sacrifice. The kids will not be small forever. Perhaps set your sights on reentry to the workforce, and regaining of independence, sooner rather than later.

Wow. Damned if you do, and damned if you don't. It sounds as if your husband was threatened by the independence you had as a working adult, so he wanted to take that away from you so that he can build himself up by belittling you for being unemployed. Maybe you should start looking for work so that you can get out of the house, and you may want to consider seeking another type of freedom--separation from your controlling husband.

EMERGENCY:your husband is cheating IM SORRY TO TELL U THAT SO U GET UR ASS UP AND FIND U A JOB ,YOU CANT DEPEND ON HIM IF HE DOESNT RESPECT U IM NOT SAYING LEAVE HIM BUT GET A BABYSITTER AND U TRY TAKING HIM ON A ROMANTIC DATE OR MAKE HI DINNER GET SOME SEXY LINGERE AND SOME FLY HILLS,WHIP CREAM AND STRAWBERRIES FOR DESERT ON HIM.

Why not start some business that allows you to work from home?

Remind him that it was HIS choice for you to do so and then walk away and let him think about it.

He thinks you will stay home and be lazy all day. Besides taking care of the kids you still have time to do something else when the kids are in school. Tell him you will clean the house and cook for him when he gets home from work. I would do everything, cleaning, cooking, doing laundry and let him do the lawn and clean snow. I think that's fair, when you have enough free time, you can sit in front of the computer. He's not gonna like it if he sees you on the computer when he gets home from work. Make sure you're busy doing something else when he gets home, cooking or cleaning. Sounds like you are a maid hah ???