Why does everyone in my house disrespect me when I bend over backwards for them? I can't even have a minute's peace, or even a day to unwind.

Bend over forward and see if that makes a difference with the lot

Get back in the kitchen and make me a sandwich, woman!

"kamensigne: I'll remember that ... when my husband gets to go out, but I have to stay here, and be happy about it."

Let me make one suggestion as to how to handle this specific situation. Don't be accusatory toward your husband about his going out. That will put him on the defensive. Approach it in lines more like this. When he comes in after a night out with his buddies, ask him how it went. When he tells you how much he enjoyed it, listen to him and let him know that you are glad that he had a good time. Then tell him that you feel like you need some time out yourself with your girl friends. If he is a reasonable man, then he should see the fairness of the proposal and be willing to let you have some time with your friends without his complaining about it. If he is not reasonable, then you have a bigger problem with him.

Start taking responsibility for yoursef... and stop bending over backwards for other people. You'll find that people can bend over backwards for themselves just fine if they have too.

The first step: Schedule some alone time for yourself tomorrow to take yourself on a picnic to your favorite park. Don't let anybody go with you. Take that time to figure out how to start bending over for yourself by giving yourself more time. You have to learn how to say no... you only have yourself to blame for these conditions.

Believe me -- even if you think the world will collapse around you -- you'd be surprised how well it survives when you stop bending over backwards.

re: Hubby won't take care of the baby.
That excuse is not good enough to hold you back. Take the baby with you -- and go find a children's play area in the park -- there will surely be other mothers there -- and maybe you can make a friend, and have someone to trade babysitting with.

Your question doesn't give us much to go on, but from the little I can see it sounds like you have a bit of the "victim syndrome" -- i.e. a tendency to see yourself as a victim of others. This often comes with a thick dose of self-righteousness about one's own sacrifices.

I don't think people break the "victim" habit easily -- its kind of addictive. If you actually want the situation to change, you have to first see that you're getting something out of it, that in fact you have a vested interest in keeping the drama going in its present form. Usually people who are playing victim are very resistant to seeing this -- "what are you talking about, they're abusing me, they don't respect me, the problem is them, not me..." and so forth.

If you do actually want the situation to change, the solution will involve lots of self-awareness. You'll have to inquire into your own attitude and beliefs to find out what you're getting out of the being-a-victim game. My guess is that there are 2 general rewards that you're reaping:

(1) you get to be right and make other people wrong. This is a very powerful incentive in all of us. We want others to line up and agree that yes, indeed, we are honorable and sincere and that its so terrible others fail to appreciate us, etc.

(2) You are relieved of responsibility for the quality of this aspect of your life. None of us like that icky feeling that "Oh, my life is my own responsibility, my choices are my own, and the consequences are mine". That puts us "on the hook" for the quality of our lives, and it makes us aware of the risks involved in our choices. Escaping responsibility is a powerful motivator. If we can put the responsibility on others -- blame them for our lives -- we avoid the anxiety that comes from being responsible.

People will actually put up with a tremendous amount of suffering in order to be right and avoid anxiety. Its a total myth that humans "just want to be happy".

Stableboy,

You offer some insights, but no solution she can actually implement. What kamensigne would like to know is what she can do to get her husband and children to treat her with care and respect, and to stop disgracing her and themselves by dishonoring her. Telling her she is a masochist who likes being punished is not helpful. Do you have a real solution to her problem?

mystar

I'm guessing the answer is pretty simple.....you allow it.

Because your venting your anger in this forum rather than directing it at those who are not respecting you. Next time someone walks all over you, tell them to stop it or leave your house.

It must be the " cave man instinct" My husband and sons are the same. They will be be sad when I go,thats for sure. I would tell them how you feel and go away for awhile if you can.

Not enough info. Are you a female? If so, are those who are showing disrespect of both genders or gender specific? What I'm looking for here is a possible disrespect for your gender.

im in a simular situation and i dont think its gender specific.
my husband shows me no respect what so ever and i only have to look at my daughter the wrong way to cause an argument.
I have bent over backwards for all of my family, i have 2 sons whom i have never had a problem with. they have all been brought up the same, with manners and respect for there elder. And i think its sad to say that we like being in this situation or we like something about this situation that keeps us from doing nothing about it.
I have tried talking, screaming, shouting, leaving,etc but to no evail.
I feel im in a rut, and the feeling of being a doormat is always there, i have tried to get help but have learnt from this experience that it is me that has to change. Stop giving in to there demands and do what you want to do not what they tell you to do. If you feel like doing something for them thats up to you, but dont put yourself out to do it for them.
It takes a lot of courage and strengh. Because i have always felt guilty saying no to any of them and even cried cause i feel so sad. But ask your self this how many times have they thought about you when there asking for something,eg she,s tired, she,s doing something else, she,s relaxing. do you realy think there even aware of our feelings, i dont think so. So stop beating yourself up over it, the only thing your guilty of is being a good kind person who will help anyone if they can. its time to stop, its hard but say no to one little thing a day that you realy dont want to do and stick to your words, let them call you, disrespect you, let them say what they want because we have made them disrespect us by being soft and doing what they want instead of doing what we want. you will see the difference over time and it will take time. but dont do what i did i started and stopped, you have to keep going keeping in mind what you want. I hope this helps you.