Anyone out there got any nerd/nerdy jokes/riddles?

A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.

The first nerd was stunned and asked, "Where did you get such a nice bike?"

The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike.

She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"

The second nerd nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

What did one snowman say to another?
Ans: "Why does everything smell like carrots"

NERDY JOKES:

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, "I think I've lost an electron."
The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. Upon being asked the price, the bartender responded, "For you? No charge."

If you were an x-y plane, I’d want to approach your origin from positive integers.

If I could be your integral, I'd be indefinite, so I can be the area under ALL your curves.

I want to be your derivative, so I can be tangent to all your curves.

You're like a nonpolar covalent bond. Get it? You're not attractive.

Some people say the glass is half full. Others say it is half empty. Engineers say the glass is twice as large as it needs to be.

It has been conclusively proven that smoking is a leading cause of statistics.

If I were an enzyme I'd be DNA Helicase so I could unzip your genes

What three elements combine to make a weapon?
K Ni Fe
(knife)

Baby, I know my chemistry, and you've got one significant figure.

In chem we learn Dimensional Analysis. So can I analyze your dimensions?

You’re more special that relativity

Descartes walks into a bar and the bartender asks "The usual, Descartes?" Descartes replies "I don't think.." and disappears.

What is the most incomprehensible thing in the world?

"There are 10 types of people in the world: those that understand ternary, those that don't, and those scrambling for a dictionary."

I am pentium of borg, division is futile, you will be approximated.

The existentialist club at my high school voted me the student "Most Likely to Be."

Q: Why do Marxists only drink herbal tea?
A: Because proper tea is theft.

Yo mama's so fat she causes gravitational lensing.

Q: What's a polar bear?
A: A rectangular bear after a coordinate transform
A good Latin student never declines sex

What did the Latin verb say to the Latin noun ?
"I'd ask you to conjugate, but I'm afraid you'd decline.”

Are you the square root of 2? Because I feel irrational when I am around you.

The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

grammar nerd pickup line:

"That's a nice dangling modifier you've got there, care to split my infinitive?"

one that i've heard is O*10^6=omega
another is HiHoAg or "hi ho silver"

This one's really nerdy, so look out:

i^2
Keeping it real!

Where does bad light end up?
In a prism.

Arf arf!

What is the culminating moment of a nerd's social life?

New contact lenses.

can i have a pie with 3.14 SWEET CHERRIES

A byte walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says "are you ok? you look a little off?". The byte shrugs and says "parity error".

An SQL statement walks into a bar, goes up to two tables and says "Can I JOIN you?".