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by mrs.ANONYMOUS on August 26th, 2006

mrs.ANONYMOUS

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My boyfriend and I are planning to get married here at our home with just our two best friends as witnesses. How do we tell our families in a way that they don't get all pissy that no one is invited? Should we just wait till after to tell them?

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Answers. 9 helpful answers below.

  • by Ankhorite on April 13th, 2007

    Ankhorite

    If you want to tell them "we decided to elope in our own home to save money," they will have to live with it. If that is really, truly, what you want, then wait until it's over with, so you only have to put up with the tears and bad feelings afterwards, and not for the weeks before, too.

    You two need to think about why you don't want your families present. Are you afraid they won't get along? Are you ashamed of your desire to marry? Whatever is going on, it's going to have an impact on all the years of your marriage, so be sure to take this slowly enough to make a decision you both can live with (and explain to your families) later.

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  • by corysqueen on August 26th, 2006

    corysqueen

    well one way or another u need to let them know whether they get mad or not its not up to them on how you get married.im sure they will be upset but explain to them why but i wouldnt just do it.do u plain on having a reception?if not maybe u should that way it takes the pressure off of all of u and they are still apart of the wonderful experiance.congratulations i hope it goes will for u

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  • by its me_im back_lol on September 21st, 2009

    its me_im back_lol

    tell them you two truly want a small intimate ceremony (you don't need to tell them that two friends are going) and celebrate the occasion (however large or small)with them at a later date.

    tell them beforehand... NOT AFTER.

    i am a justice of the peace, and have officiated many ceremonies where the bride and groom have done just that..

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  • by fire chick on September 21st, 2009

    fire chick

    why not invite them? put ur self in there position, ur daughter, that u spent 20 years raising and that u love is getting married and ur not invited.

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  • by Glenn Blaylock on August 27th, 2006

    Glenn Blaylock

    I don't know your families, but I doubt that there is any way that you can tell them that they aren't invited that will not hurt their feelings. This is one of the most important events in your life and your are telling them that you don't want them around. That shows a significant amount of hostility toward them. Your way of phrasing this this question ("how do we tell our family's in a way that they don't get all pissy that no one is invited?") shows a certain amount of contempt for your family. Now, as I wrote above, I don't know your families. So, you may have legitimate reasons for not wanting them around. However, if they are reasonable people, I would not recommend treating them in this way. You don't want a big wedding. That's understandable, but don't exclude your immediate family from this unless you have darn good reason to do so. The damage to your relationship with them could be great.

    **************
    "msANONYMOUS: I have no contempt or hostility towars either side of our families. We have been together for 8 yrs and have children, I just want my last name to be the same as my children. We cannot afford a reception as he is in school."

    Those are some rather important details that you left out of your question. It is right and proper for you to be married to your children's father. However, I still thing that the heart of my answer is still valid. Don't try to exclude your families from the ceremony. Have a small ceremony with your immediate family present. That way you don't hurt anyone's feelings.

    BTW, what has this question got to do with "Urban Legends"?

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  • by Cherry on December 3rd, 2009

    Cherry

    i would wait till after the wedding. If anything happen, it will be too late. and also if you regret it, you can never turn back time and live with it. same goes with your parents. you should discuss it with your husband to be.

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  • by MasterS on September 21st, 2009

    MasterS

    If you want to do it this way, yea i would wait till after, there must be a reason though that you want to do it this way so i wont judge.
    My only problem with this is, that mothers usually always want to see their daughters get given away, this may not be the case for you, i dont know everything thats going on.

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  • by Lady Alathia of Vulcan on September 21st, 2009

    Lady Alathia of Vulcan

    Totally not going to happen. Weddings are stress factories, and it doesn't matter if you shipped them all first-class to the Notre Dame itself, someone would have a problem with it.

    My recommendation for this situation would be to do it how you want to, then send out wedding ANNOUNCEMENTS afterward, probably with an invitation to a celebratory party - just a backyard BBQ or something, doesn't have to be big.

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  • by Thriftymaid on September 21st, 2009

    Thriftymaid

    You don't even want your parents there? As a parent I would rather you just elope than have a planned marriage and not want me there. Of course if this is not your first marriage and you are older, then it's a little different. For sure, do it the way you want.

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