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by Andy Is Wicked Married to Penal Colony on July 23rd, 2004

Andy Is Wicked Married to Penal Colony

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I went on a date with a guy who I just didn't hit it off with. He took me to a very nice restaurant and paid. Is there a diplomatic way I can call to say thank you for the nice dinner, but I am not interested?

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Answers. 9 helpful answers below.

  • by Merry Walker on August 1st, 2004

    Merry Walker

    Telling someone you're not interested is very difficult to do diplomatically. It may even be impossible. So rather than call him, wait for him to call you. It may be that he feels much the same way, and simply won't to ask you out again.

    Even if he does ask you out for another date, rather than tell him you're not interested, have a polite "no thank you" ready. Remember that you don't have to tell someone why you're not accepting an invitation. A simple "thank you for thinking of me, but I have a prior commitment" or "I can't make it" is enough. When offered with a polite but somewhat formal tone, most guys will get the message after hearing that a time or two.

    If he continues to ask you out or tries to set another time, politely saying something like "I don't think it would be appropriate" or "I don't think we should see each other again" will get the message across without bruising his ego by telling him you're not interested in him. Have your response prepared before he calls. Offer it politely and decline to discuss why. ("I have to go now, goodbye" works for that.)

    Whatever you do, don't tell him you've gotten involved with someone else, don't tell him you're "just not ready" for a relationship, and don't give him the "I just want to be friends" line. All three can lead to problems.

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  • by evandad on August 28th, 2009

    evandad

    Turn your head when he tries to kiss you goodnight. That says it all.

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  • by RedJohn on October 9th, 2005

    RedJohn

    This sounds like it was a first date situation. As such, it can safely be put into the 'exploration' category: you were both exploring one another as people, essentially for the first time. On a first date, you should not have expectations for anything more.

    You have made it clear that you do not want to form an intimate relationship with this person. Before saying anything, you should ask yourself whether you want to be a simple friend of this person or whether you would rather go your separate ways? Sort out what you want first, before giving any response. A reply along the lines of: "I enjoyed the evening out with you, but I am not interested in a personal relationship with you" is very diplomatic. If you want to be friends, but no more, let him know. Don't be rude. Another point: you are under no obligation to tell him why unless there was something in his behaviour that was seriously out of place. Responding in this fashion is far more diplomatic and mature than avoiding the situation or trying and come up with an excuse.

    The problem with waiting for someone to call is that they may be doing the same thing with you; sitting there unsure of themselves. It's not a mature way to handle the situation, but managing personal relationships takes practice. Don't avoid it and hope it will go away. That's wrong for everyone.

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  • by Orangepowder on October 22nd, 2009

    Orangepowder

    Tell him the dinner was nice. Thanks.
    If he asks you out again. Answer with no thanks.
    Next time someone asks you out, and you are not particularly interested, go dutch. Going dutch will take some of the pressure off of you.

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  • by 68 Charger on August 31st, 2009

    68 Charger

    Tell him exactly that, thank you for the nice dinner but I am not interested, I know that I would appreciate the honesty.

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  • by nikki 2state on August 28th, 2009

    nikki 2state

    say nothing he'd better not think about asking you to pay for even the tip since he asked you out.

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  • by brian646 on August 31st, 2009

    brian646

    as a guy, i am hoping that he did not expect anything from you for spending all of that money on you......if you do not like him, you should just be honest with him..........take care....Brian..

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  • by 08Busa on August 31st, 2009

    08Busa

    You insist on paying for your half of the meal, thats what friends do.

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  • by Tom on August 28th, 2009

    Tom

    I guess you could say something like "Thank you, it was a nice evening, but I'm not really looking for a relationship, and it will probably be a long time before I do something like this again." It's not really a lie if you keep in mind that your statement refers to him specifically!

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