Why do some who were abused become thee abuser? How can they do it to someone else? How do they justify hurting another like someone hurt them? It makes no sense to me...Does it to you?
by 
Jen-Jen
ANSWERS: 11
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It's a defence mechanism. It is the same as why bullies have usually been bullied. Attack is the best form of defence as they say. They are essentially protecting themselves from hurt by hurting others.
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A lot of things dont make sense to me. How can someone who has never been abused then abuse the one who loves them most? Are they born with the tendency? Do they just like the feeling of power over another individual who isnt as strong as they are? Intentionally hurting another person is beyond me. I just cant do it.
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I have never understood it, I remember at a very young age, maybe 6 or 7, that I did not want to be anything like my Mother, when I grew up. I am guessing, they feel hopeless and believed what the tormentor told them, and are depressed and probably never got any help.
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It is patterns. When you are young, you instinctively learn patterns of behaviour from those closest to you. If those patterns are bad, even though they hurt you, you will often repeat them, because they are the only way you know to relate to people. I remember a teacher at a school saying to girls in her class "Whatever you do, don't marry a man who will beat you." and the general answer? "If he doesn't beat you, that means he doesn't love you." They had learnt bad patterns for relationships from their own parents. What else would they teach their children?
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It is a terrible pattern. You learn to do what you are taught. I think that is why there are so many more perv and abusers today. Guy A abuses child a,b,c. Child a,b,c grows up and has family. child a abuses her 3 kids, child b grows up and abuses his 3 kids... and let's just hope that child c got help and broke the cycle!
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because you grow up not trusting people so that is your protection from the world. get them before they get you
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I know at least one person who grew up watching both his mom and stepmom get beat up. He made the conscious decision when he got older that he would never beat his wife or his kids. So no, I do not buy the excuse well i was abused as a child.
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Stick around. As you get older, there are more and more things that don't seem to make any sense.
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I have done some research on this very thing in an effort to understand why it happened for 5 generations in my family. Psychologists and behaviorists acknowedge that as babies and children our brains are hard-wired to follow the leaders and caretakers around us because that is how the human animal MUST be in order to survive into adulthood. As we become adults those actions we observed and copied also become hard-wired into our psyches. Unfortunately, what is put into us isn't always positive and uplifting. I hope this isn't misread by someone as an excuse for any abuser. As someone who managed to break the chain of abuse, I can tell you from personal experience that it can literally take YEARS and YEARS to overcome the damage done and rewrite those scripts beginning with a blank slate. The brain knows it is not normal to have a blank slate and works extremely hard to play what it knows over and over rather than be rewritten. It is a survival mechanism that is instilled in us innately.
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Indeed it is a pattern. Having suffered the same they do others the same. Perhaps because I was abused only by women or girls, I never had this pattern. Abusing a child was always that strict out of mind and I would remember in the same moment of all my feelings I had and perhaps because in such a moment it would be as real as if it were 5 minutes ago, I would only feel extremely sad and so I never would do anything to others what they did to me. Boys of my age have been abused by men and elder boys and they probably see things different. I don't know because I was in a certain way protected from male abuse because women or girls were regarding me as their property and so males kept their hands off from me. But people who were abused by the same gender usually overtake this pattern from their abusers just as many children who complain about their parents just do the same when they are parents. It is like a bad curse.
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dude-ever abused anyone besides me?? i like to be abused. it's fun.
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