MY MOM COMMITTED SUICIDE AND I WAS WONDERING IF ANYONE COULD SHARE SOME THINGS THAT YOU WENT THROUGH WHEN SOMEONE CLOSE TO YOU COMMITTED SUICIDE?

i became really depressed, i thought of suicide myself. I thought that i would never be happy again, I became angrey with the person that did it. Which made me feel worse. I didnt think id be able to get over it. It was very hard. Im so sorry that your mom committed suicide, i over my condolences.

Forgive her....her pain must have been very very deep....sometimes a soul dies before the body....

My Fiance committed suicide. I thought that maybe he didn't really love me. Maybe he was just trying to appear normal. Maybe I was his facade. Maybe I wasn't worth loving, or sticking around for. And now, I am sad and hurt and thinking he had the right answer, I should to it too.

Hi honey, I love you and wish you the very best in life. It takes strength and determination from the gut to live a life of purpose and goodness and giving and caring. I want you to believe that you are all those things and reach for them with all your heart soul and might. Be determined to be only the best...in word, works, deed and actions. Make the decision, in your mother's honor, but mostly for yourself, to start leading a life of compassion..... generosity..... and unexpected kindness to strangers. Clean your name and insides from top to bottom...love yourself and love others. You deserve the best...be the best for others and yourself. Go forward with determination to improve yourself and the world around you. You can do it!!!

I am so sorry you are going through this. My mom committed suicide when I was 13. She OD'd on prescription pills after numerous other suicide attempts. She blamed herself for my infant brother's death and never got over it. My older brother and I found her dead, a memory forever etched in my brain.

I'm now 42 and lived most of my life without a mother. I've always felt like I was under water watching other people breathing freely. People have absolutely no idea what it's like to lose your mother like this. They take their mother's presence for granted the same way you take breathing for granted when you have air to breath. You never really get over it, because you never lose the desire to be mothered. She's missing from your wedding, your children's births, holidays... everything. So, you don't just grieve for a short period of time and then "let go." You grieve every time you are reminded that you are missing this most important person that is supposed to be a part of your life. And you often realize it by seeing other people experience what you can't.

I've had 4 children, 3 daughters. I've experienced the mother-daughter relationship that I never had after 13 from the mother's side. My oldest daughter is 20. Boy, I really missed out on a lot from what I can see now.

My advice for the long-haul? Find a place that's emotionally healthy and nourishing so you have time to heal and time to build good, happy memories. Be very careful which guy you end up with. You don't want a bad relationship on top of a terrible tragedy like I had with my ex. I've learned to love myself and make sure that I'm happy. Holidays are still hard, but life overall has become happier. But I will always miss not having a mother. It's like a big, empty hole in my soul that nothing else fills. Most days now, though, I don't even notice it. Then comes Mother's Day...

I hope this helps someone. :-)

PS The book "Motherless Daughters" was very helpful to me.

my mom did too, september 10, 2008. She was so proud of me for going to college and now I can't seem to get my brain to work correctly. I have trouble understanding the difference between grieving and depression. My mom left behind a husband and 7 children. She shot herself in the head at a park 8 blocks from where I live. She was 50 years old. I can't even get out of the house some days. I almost left my wife on Monday because I felt so trapped and destined to become just like my mom. She was an amazing person, always gave me the kind of advice that I needed to keep going. Now she's gone and there's no one else that I can trust as much as her. It's debilitating letting my mom go so early. I'm so lost and confused. Honestly, if your mom didn't kill herself, why are you responding? There's enough forums for you in the web where you can give perfeclty specified condolences. Don't try to relate, you either do or not.

my mom committed suicide to in feb.

First i'd like to say you have my sympanthy.

I know this doesn't really somewhat answer your question but i attempted on several occassions committing sucide myself. There are many reasons why i did do this 2 myself. And u can see i failed. People go through things in there lives that they can't either handle or have no control over whatsoever. So they feel that the only way they can eliminate that matter is by resulting in ending their life. Thats the way i felt. Now i've learnt that i have been just like very individual, well most of us have been put on this earth to fulfill a role.

However, in your circumstances, as you havent stated whether your mum left a sucide note or anything its hard to sa much. But your mum may hav done this to get away from a problem that she has been faced for quite a while and you may not have known or still dont know about. All i'd like to say is that from my experience is that your mum did and still does love you no matter what. Becuase she didnt tell you about what she was even thinking of doing is becuase she loves you and didnt want to see you get hurt even though u feel hurt all over right now. But remember just keep this thought with you is that ur mum loves u alot and she never meant to hurt you apart from wanting to protect you by not telling you what she was going through and her wanting to take her life.

I really hope this helped and that you soon begin to move on in your life. I wish the best to you and just keep the faith and never give up any hope in life. Your mum is watching over you and loves you dearly.x

We are so sorry to hear that. Condolences from MG and Gtravels. I have lost many close to me, but not in that fashion, so I can only offer my sympathy and the advice that you move on the best you can with the life your mother gave you. Whatever her reasons were for leaving, they can rarely be fathomed by those who are left behind.

I feel really really sad and upset after reading every answer and comment i understood, PEOPLE CAN'T UNDERSTAND THEIR VALUE. Please help others in every time to stop such things.

My husband committed suicide when I was 22; I don't really know what to say except that it's a long, shitty, hard mess that I had to find my own way out of. I went through a lot of pain trying to figure out why I couldn't have seen it coming, why I didn't recognize my husband's problems and help him deal with them. I felt like I didn't have a right to be angry at him (even though anger is a perfectly natural emotion after a suicide), and working through the grief and anger was a difficult process for me.

The best advice I can give you is to not turn away from the emotions you have as a result of your mom's death. It was extremely helpful for me to face all the pain and fear and anger I had after my husband's death; the sadness and pain is still there, but it's something I don't try to bury or push to the back of my mind. It is my belief that when we don't face our fears and worries head-on, they come back to do more damage to us later in life.

I felt extreme grief and ANGER that my friend chose the "easy way out". She left behind a loving husband and two children. She didn't reach out to anyone for help. People that committ suicide leave behind others who feel guilt and grief. That is often their intention. Sometimes they don't actually intend to "go all the way" and are just looking for attention but it's too late.
You can't do anything about it. The person is gone. It is no different than if they died by some other means. Death is death. That may seem like a cold way of looking at it but there are no "ifs" in death.

Awww I am sorry! I know what you are going through, well it wasn't my mom but he was like my brother, his name was Steve. I was a freshman in high school and he was a senior. He was my brothers best friend for years and was always at our house, we did everything together. When Steve got in with the wrong croud and started using drugs my brother stopped talking to him, but he and I continued to be close. Well it was winter and I was on my 4 wheeler and went up to the grocery store and stopped to use the pay phone to call my parents and check in. Steve came out of the store and had a gallon of vodka, he was all messed up and he came up to me and said "hey hun, I want you to know that I love you and I always will please don't ever forget that" I was trying to stop him from driving as he was clearly not able to drive. He wouldn't give he his keys, I tried everything I could to stop him or to have him come with me to my house. It didn't work. He just gave me a huge hug and said "Mandy I love you, you are a special person" Then he said "I have to go, there is something I have to take care of" At this point I was crying because I was afraid for him and felt helpless. The next day I received a phone call and it was one of our friends telling me that Steve was in the hospital because he shot himself in the head with a shot gun, he was in a coma and they said there was no chance of survival. I was the last person he saw or talked to, after seeing me he drove off into the woods and shot himself. I will never get over this, I have had a lot of counseling trying to cope with the fact that I could have done something....but I didn't do enough. I am a little better now with blaming myself but still it is very hard! All I have from him is a glass candle and it is one of the most important possessions I have! I am so sorry for your loss and you will be in my prayers! Take care hun! I hope that me sharing my story helps in some way, just so you know you are not alone!

I felt the expected sadness and depression but one unexpected feeling was guilt.
I don't know why. The person was not upset with me in any way but I felt incredible guilt.
Maybe because I should have seen the signs, Maybe because I wasn't there when they needed me.
I don't know but I had a terrible feeling of guilt over it.
It was very hard to get over that feeling.
I'm also terribly sorry to hear about your mother.

Never experienced someone close committing suicide...just wrote to say I'm sorry for your loss and you have my sincere condolences and prayers.

Im so sorry about your lost,I only had one friend to commit suicide,it hurt really bad becuase when i was 16 i attempted it myself. But thank God I had Family and friends who stood by my side and the one thing that stuck out in my mind was i was here for a purpose and i now know what that purpose is its to raise my four children to the best of my knowledge,give them the love i didnt feel as a child coming up. My prayers will always be with you.

G'day Down,

Thanks for your question.

You have my deepest sympathy. My cousin committed suicide 21 years ago. My suggestion is don't be afraid to seek help.

Regards

I started crying at all of your answers. Love and prayers to you all and your deep losses. I'm a Mom too. I've had numerous diagnoses in the past 2 years where I am disabled, but not so terrible that the doctors say cannot be managed or even overcome because they were caught in time. A break-up, now without money. The meds have side effects which include suicidal thoughts. Everyone is tired of hearing me whine about depression and no energy, etc., and cannot help financially. I am desperate. My kids are grown and doing fine as well as the rest of my family. I'm in pain, depressed, without the support of love, fearful of foreclosure, and I fight myself to make it thru to tomorrow, hoping life will be better. Your Mom was in so much pain it overshadowed anything else.

my mom comitted suicide when i was very young (six months) my brother was 8.. i am 14 now and ever since i understood what my mom did i have been confused about why she did it... was it because of me? idk but my dad said she was very sick idk what that meanse excactly and i am too scareed to ask all i can say is that you need to understand that it is not your fault i am still having problems with that and it happened 14 years ago i cry most nights so i know its hard, i am also experiencing a situetion with my friend who has a history of cuttin and we are so close its hard to not worry about her killing herself because my mom did idk thats ust m experience i hope it helped :)

My mom committed suicide when I was four. She pour kerosine over her body and set it on fire, I remember her burnt body and the skin saperated on her legs, then the next vision I remember is that of visiting her room in the hospital where she kissed me. There are only three real visions in my memory of my mother beside the two above, I remember her chasing after me and I jumping on the bed and then hugging me. I am 48 years old now and this is the only chidhood memory I have of my mother. I face a lot of abuse, physical, mental and sexual from my own family members and people who were responsible to take care of me including my father. The teenage years I was rebellious, beat up my own father and sisters, I was very angry and get agitated very easily. Every one that I trusted betrayed me until I found real good, caring friends who help me stabalize my personality. Those are the people I really relate myself to. I have no desire to talk to my own sibbling except answring their calls, but I talk to my friends every week who live in far off places in the world.My relationship with my wife is great, she is probably the only person I have trusted and my children who I dearly love. I am not an abusive father but I am well respected by my children, I know what kids want and I position myself to make sure that it is ready before they ask.

The early lessons of a disfunctional family actually made me more in control of myself, fiercely independent, better control of finance and absoloute control of desires and wants.
There is one thing still bothers me, I still have not forgotten and forgiven people who abused me, sexually assualted me and stripped me and beat me, though they are old and do not talk to me, I still like to confront them and read what is in their eyes.

I cried on and off for a few days. I wondered if I could have done something. I lost all of my energy and didn't leave the house for while. I started thinking about why he did it and what could have been different if I had been there. I started having dreams and then slowly I stopped caring about everything and started thinking about what it would be like to die. Then time started to pass and I started leaving the house and stopped dreaming as much. I still think about him all the time. I still get sad and I still wonder. It really does effect everything and everyone when someone commits suicide.

My condolences to you for your loss.

I've had suicidal thoughts myself, when I have it's generally been because continuing with life has seemed unbearable. Not necessarily because of any one person or thing, but just that all the stuff in life can seem overwhelming to deal with.

Suicide can seem like a very easy solution. Selfish, certainly, but a clear way to basically not have to deal with a lot of the hardships of life. For example, if given the choice between dealing with having to watch all your loved ones die slowly over time, or commit suicide and never have to deal with another funeral or similar experience again, it might seem appealing to take one's own life.

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My mother also committed suicide almost six years ago now. It was totally unexpected. I went into a deep dark depression and started drinking and using drugs very heavily. It nearly killed me on several occasions. I don't know or understand why it happened. She had always seemed so upbeat and we could always talk about anything. Something changed when she took an early retirement and then a little bit later she found out my step father(asshole) was cheating on her. I even thought he might have something to do with her death. He had her cremated wi0tho0u0t 0letting my brother or myself know. He liquidated her 401k and the lady he was cheating with moved in to the house that mu mother paid for. Anyway, I guess you can say that I have definitely had a hard time with her death. I miss her tremendously. I even on occasion have some very bad thoughts of things I should do to my step father. However, I have been clean and sober now for over 2 1/2 years and have started to handle this issue using some spiritual principles. Don't get me wrong. I still have bouts of depression. I have gone to see a psychiatrist and he put me on an anti-depressant which helps somewhat. But I still feel that this is an unresolved issue for me. I hope that you can find some peace for yourself and that you know that there are others out there that are in the same predicament as you. I wish you peace and happiness.

I have a friend that always say's she is going to commit suicide. I have called 911 on her countless times. She tell me to " enjoy her death". It makes me feel terrible! I dont know what to do with her, or what to say anymore. I know she is depressed and is taking it out on ME, but i cant let her do this to me anymore. Any suggestions?

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I grew up with an alcoholic/ drug addicted mother. She always used to tell me that she was going to kill herself, but I think she did it mostly to see how upset it made me. She had made several attempts when she was younger, but I often wonder if she was only looking for attention. I made my first attempt when I was 15,after I met my father for the first time and he said he wanted nothing to do with me, I know I didn't really want to die, but I also know that I suffer from depression. I am now 34, wife and mother of 3 children ages 4,8 and 16....I think about suicide everyday, but I don't know how my children and husband would be affected. And whats worse is that I worry that my depression might be even more harmful if I continue to live. I love my children and my husband, he's a wonderful man.....but I don't think I can continue to live my life feeling the way I do..I know someday I will find the courage to stop living. I just hope my children will be ok after I am gone. After reading your question, I am glad to know that you are reaching out for help..I hope my children do the same. Stay strong and know that your mother only wanted her pain to stop and she never wanted her pain to reach you.

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I am 17. my mum commited suicide when i was only a baby. i always knew she had schitophrenia (please excuse spelling) but i never knew how she died, i only recently found out. my father also has schitophrenia and is in a mentle institue..i dont really know him...i only have visits with him every year or so with docs. i dont really know what to think or feel about my mum commiting suicide. advice?

i stumble on this page because i am a mother of a 3yr old little girl and I'm going trough, one of the hardest time of my life. my husband and i is separated and about to go trough a divorce. Ive been thinking about suicide allot and i wanted to know how other kids feel when there mom committed suicide, so i could kind of get an outlook on how bad this will affect my daughter. I'm a mother that feels this way and i love my child, but its so hard for me to go on. i cry everyday for the pass 3yrs and the pain keeps on getting worst. i love my husband so much that i can't stand being on this earth not being with him. i try to convince my self that my daughter is going to grow up and live her life, why do i need to be here and be so unhappy. i want to be stronger, but every time i think about how i fail and that dream i had will never be. it makes me want to die. love hurt me so bad that i don't think i will ever be the same. I'm not the same person and i cant see me being happy ever again. but i don't want my daughter to hate me or look at me as being weak. i just don't know how to move on from this

My mom committed suicide also.. A bullet to the head August 12th, 2010.. Its now about 2 weeks later and I am going to the store later on tonight with my husband to pick up a pregnancy test.. I feel sorta pregnant and want to see if the results come in positive. My mom was young 45 and I know she was depressed and in a lot of pain.. So couldnt escape and felt as if she was a burden on everyone.. She wasn't in the least bit.. I just wished she could have been there more for me and our family. Its now 2 weeks later and her only daughter.. only child.. could be carrying her grandchild and I feel so sad that she isnt going to be there helping me through anything in life anymore. My dad, husband and I just got back from MA where I am from.. We had her funeral service up there. I feel depressed and sad that I have lost my mom.. She was my mother and friend. I'll always love her.

My mother committed suicide, when I was 4 1/2 yrs. old, and I don't remember anything whatsoever about her. I've searched and searched on the internet for sites that talk about very young children losing a mother to suicide, and I haven't been able to find anything as of yet. My dad married my stepmom two months after my mother died. My stepmom treated the dog better than she did me. I don't think that it's fair that I never had a mother, while other people are allowed to have one.

My mom committed suicide when I was 15 years old. I can assure you, it's something I don''t think I'll ever be able to fully recover from. Even today, at 20, I feel lost without her. I find myself facing many problems and feel that if she was still alive today, then just maybe I could reach out to her for help, understanding, and the maternal love that only a mother can give. She imbued my life with a happiness I will never forget. With news of her death, my life grew instantly somber and from here on I will need to find my own way through life without the role of a mother. I get depressed much of the time and think about her every day still, but that's okay. I will probably never end grieving her death and will simply need to learn to live with the grief.

But, despite this emotional pain, I will continue to live my life and love to the utmost of capability. Right now I may feel misunderstood, filled with self-pity and self-loathing, and unsure of where my life will go next, but I know that I can not blame this on my mother's death. I have hope that one day things will be better and that I can look past this inner turmoil and finally be happy again.

Also as a side note, did you know that in most Disney animated films the protagonist does not have a mother? Most believe this is due to avoiding the lack of excitement and adventure that would result from the main character having someone to give them a sense of direction in life. Just something interesting to ponder.

MY 2 best friends, they are sisters...their mom commited suicide 3 years ago.....due to medicine causing depression.....the onnly way to deal with it...is to be real about it and cry your heart out and be angry, just dont hurt others. but the most important thing is to Love God and give Him your life and trust Him. You may be mad at HIM, as i was when my broher and dad died, but who are we to question God? Jesus had to kill sacrifice himself and he didnt complain. He is so huge and his love is also. He wants you.Dont deny it. The GOD of the universe wants you!!!! He will give you piece. You might not be able to cope with the pain....but at least you have a higher power helping you and giving you strength. There are divine reasons why things happen.

http://www.watchtower.org/e/20011022/diagram_03.htm

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I can't relate but I'm very sorry my friend committed suicide 3 months ago yesterday and I still can not believe it and I know it feels like a stab in the back but im sure she loved you but was going through alot of pain. It was my friends 4th attempt and we have no idea why, why he did it but I guess we will never find out. I'm sure she is looking down on you right now and she wants you to not have to feel the pain you are feeling right now. I am very sorry.

My mother committed suicide, when I was 4 1/2 yrs. old, and I don't remember anything whatsoever about her. I've searched and searched on the internet for sites that talk about very young children losing a mother to suicide, and I haven't been able to find anything as of yet. My dad married my stepmom two months after my mother died. My stepmom treated the dog better than she did me. I don't think that it's fair that I never had a mother, while other people are allowed to have one.

i just buried my mom on the 11th of march. i don't have any answers either all i know is it's the hardest thing i've ever been through. I'm sorry about your mom its so sad. I am seeing a therapist to try and work through it though. I'm not sure if it will work but i'm tryin. I try to think that she just could'nt go on the way she felt everyday after her stoke and bypass surgury she got some other bad news about an obstruction in her bowels on friday the 4th. Then she shot herself on saturday the 5th. I don't think I could ever feel that much pain with the exception of losing one of my own children. She was the pillar of strength before all this then slowly slipped into a depression that was so bad and there was nothing i could do. However, the guilt of not bein there will never leave me. I hate not sleeping, or having to get drunk or take a strong drug to fall asleep. I wake up knowing she's dead and I can't do anything to get her back.

Please any one that is even remotely thinking of suicide talk to someone that you know you can trust. My niece with two children at the time committed suicide and altho I do not know all of the details I do know how if affected one of her children. Her son still lives with the guilt of having said some things to her when he was a teen and he is now 20. He just shut down after the age of 12, never talked to anyone and to this day has no friends. He did get some counseling, but still blames himself and more or less died the day she died. Yes it will have an effect forever on your children.
I have had two sons that have mentioned it during very difficult times in their lives. Although they could not see the pain ever going away at the time of whatever they were going thru but it did pass. You cannot see the big picture especially when you are down in that deep dark hole. Go to a trusted minister, counselor, doctor, close family member or devoted friends but do got to someone until you get help.Do not give up......please know that things will get better. Sometimes it may take the right meds to jump start you to get back on track.
To those that have lost a loved one I am truly sorry! Whether you believe in God or not I do and know that he loves you so very much!

my freind committed suicide a while a go. but even tought i was sad. i nevr told anyone. and to tell you the truth im happy for him. even thought killing yourself is not always the answer. he looked happer at the funeral. andim so sarry for your loss. it will get better hang in their.