To the second part of your question, if the pastor tells you you "can't get a divorce," what he means is "you can't get a divorce and remain a member of this church." But since you're talking to him, why don't you just tell him about your problems? He might know a way for you two to stay together, which might be better for both of you and probably would be better for your children, if any. (Divorce is bad for kids, and instead of time healing their wounds, five years later they're in worse shape than they were immediately after.) There's a reason why church members shouldn't get divorces as easily as other people--churches have resources to help, such as the Scriptures, counseling, prayer, and the help of the Holy Spirit.

ask your pastor to show you in the bible where he has the say to "okay"a divorce. ask the pastor the passage where Jesus says even He couldn't grant a divorce.

Your Pastor has no right to tell you that his permission is required to obtain a divorce. I am a Minister and although divorce is not something any person wants to see happen... if you are in a bad situation I will tell you this GOD would not want you in harms way. You can check with The Clerk of Famiily Court if you have nothing together, Children property moneies, he can contest it but the most it will do is put it off for 30 days.

In don't know about New York, but most states of have no fault divorce laws now and all you have to do is say you want out of it.

1) Legality has to do with the law. Because of the separation of Church and state, the Church has legally absolutely nothing to say about a civil divorce. The only okay that you would need from your pastor would be for your *religious* divorce, as long as you Church allows religious divorces. Also, you pastor could consider that if you get a civil divorce and don't get his okay for the religious divorce, you are doing some kind of sin. In this case, I would advise you to look for another pastor or another Church... 2) Some Churches, such as the Catholic Church, consider that you cannot divorce. They give you the following options: - separation; you cannot have a religious marriage again. - cancellation; you could have a religious marriage again. If you were having a civil marriage again in the situation where you cannot have a religious marriage again, it would be considered sin. Same if you were living together with someone anyway... "The Catholic Church teaches that God Himself is the author of the sacred institution of marriage, which is his way of showing love for those he created. Marriage is a divine institution that can never be broken, even if the husband or wife legally divorce in the civil courts; as long as they are both alive, the Church considers them bound together by God." "While condoning divorce only under limited circumstances, most Protestant churches allow for divorce and remarriage. Conservative Protestants take a stricter view of the nature of marriage. They consider marriage a solemn covenant between wife, husband and God. Most view sexual relations as appropriate only within a marriage. Divorce is permissible, if at all, only in very specific circumstances (for example, sexual immorality or abandonment by the non-believer)." Source and further information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_views_of_marriage