I'm an unattractive teenage girl (not lying - I know I am not nice to look at, mostly because I am obese) If my looks changed, do you think a guy would show interest? They never have. Honesty please? I'm a big girl I can handle it. What can I do?

Men, in general, are visual creatures. BUT, they are also attracted to women who are sure of themselves and have a healthy self-esteem. Stop concentrating on what you think you don't have and start learning to love yourself and love will find you.

Aimee I have read your profile and know you are only 16 so please don't take what I am about to say the wrong way.

You seem like a very sweet and lovely young lady and if I were not 30 years older than you I would date you in a heartbeat because to me it's not the outside that counts but what is inside.

You seem from what I have seen in your answers to be beautiful inside and that's what counts the most. Be yourself and guys will notice that about you. And as far as the ones who don't they are losers who will learn in time that when it counts looks aren't all that important but how beautiful a person is inside that counts.

You have already taken the first step in admitting that you are obese. The next logical step is accepting responsibility for changing that IF that is what you want to do. Because quite simply, NO ONE else can make that change but you. You must, however, want it for YOURSELF, not because it might get you a boyfriend or a larger social circle!!
When I was 16 I gained 80 pounds in about four months. My mom took me to a doctor who determined I had a dysfunctional thyroid. I was placed on thyroid meds, but I had to do the hard part of losing weight, toning up and keeping myself in shape. It was not easy and I was very demanding of myself, but it worked, I lost the weight before my senior year of high school, and while my weight has fluctuated over the years, I have since never allowed my weight to shape who I am.
Have total confidence that you can do this. Take up walking a few days a week or swimming. Your life will change, you will feel better, and your health in general will improve dramatically. Good luck!!

Search inside yourself and make positive changes in your life for you and no one else. The rest will fall into place. I hope you the best.

I was obese most of my life. I am still about 30 lbs over weight. Last year I lost 166 lbs. I am overwhelmed by the attention that I am receiving. I am now in therapy trying to learn why I hide behind my weight before I gain it all back. I am 44 yrs old. This is a life long struggle. You might need to try to get some help.

Honesty: Most guys will not show interest if you remain obese. This doesn't even have to do with shallowness or depth of the guys. It's just a characteristic of most guys.

But it isn't about guys; it's about you.

At some point you will be able to take the concrete steps (diet and exercise - anybody who says differently is wrong or wants to sell you something) to achieve the right weight. You don't have to be skinny, but obese isn't good for you.

If you aren't at that place yet, maybe look into some counseling to help you get there - it's not easy, and truly, until you can, you can't, and nothing that other people say, either positive or negative, helps. I know that sounds dumb, but I was fat from age 7 to age 14, and so miserable that sometimes I wanted to die. At age 14 I was able to take hold of my problem and lose the weight. My life improved dramatically, and it has remained quite wonderful in terms of love and relationships.

At some point you will be able to do so. But don't do it for anyone but yourself. Do it so that you'll be healthy and long-lived. Do it so that it will be easier to love yourself. (I'm not suggesting that you don't, at present - but you are not happy, and you can be more so.)

I wish you so well - I hope you get to the place where you are in control of your weight. Don't run after a fake ideal body-image, but try to get some support/counseling to achieve a healthy weight.

God bless.

True, I am not going to denay that teenage guys pay a lot of attention to looks but there is much more than that in you! In the long run personality is what matters!!!
I like how you ask the question, not in this desperate way:'im ugly, nobody likes me, i hate life' but in a more mature manner.
Also i am not going to tell you youre beautful casue i have never seen you but what i can say for sure there is a lot in you that man will appreciate, if not in the teenage years then later.
I have learnd there is not point in telling yourself that your unattractive (even if your not a 'hot chick')! Did you notice that some of the hot girls are not always as beautiful as they seem? They just take good care of their body and appearance... and you can do it as well! :-)
If you want to lose weigh the only good reason is to do it for yourself, for your health and not for any guy.
hope that helps and good luck

Oh luv-I'm so sorry you feel this way. The very fact you asked this question shows the extent of your intelligence, empathy and inner-beauty. I happen to find women and there are many of us out there, that see beauty in a whole different way than what you've been brainwashed to think,like all guys like skinny, perfect women women! NOT ME and not most of the males out there you'd want anything to do with darling. My only criteria for a relationship, now that I've picked up a little maturity and wisdom (Teen-age boys can be brutal)-but I know for a fact that most guys want someone they can share with, who they can see a movie with or read a book with and be able to discuss philsophy and meaning. Some men/boys are simply superficial and care only about the OUTSIDE of a person. You don't need to settle for anyone-the right person will show up in your life whern you least expect it. That person will love your soul and mind-not give a hoot about what ya weigh or BMI or any of that stuff. Just keep being yourself and trust me-I was in the same boat at your age for a different reason , but self-ostracized nonetheless. The cliches-can't judge book by cover, ohhh, millions of them-You are a very cool person who would make some guy really happy-but don't try to force it and force your way into a relationship. Concentrate on yourself-your creativity, your mind your love and compassion. If a guy only wants you for sex-forget it-even if you feel it would help your self-esteem-it won't luv. If a guy doesn't like you for who you are, then he is the one with problems, not you. You have a beautiful soul which transcends physicality. Try printing this out and take whatever you want that you feel is affirming, and tape it where you can read aloud each day how wonderful and beautiful you are! It'll be ok-but it needs to start with you-please quit describing yourself so unflatteringly-People become what they think-you are a beautiful human being and soul, Try describing yourself that way for a while-couldn't hurt, eh?? ((((Give Peace a Chance))) MAJOR HUGS!!!!!

Look at it this way. Those who are good looking tend to attract far more potential partners. This would seem to be good, but many of those partners will be attracted just by the looks. This means that attractive people tend to have more affairs, but at the same time they tend to have more short-lived affairs.

If someone is attracted to you he will be attracted by your personality. This means that any affair is likely to be more intense and longer-lasting.

I hope that's how it works out for you. :)

Don't change just to catch a guy's eye. If that's what it takes, he's not worth it.

Sure, a guy might show interest if you lost weight. As a nation we are obsesses with "skinny" but most of us are overweight. I'm 30 pounds overweight and single. I have people tell me I'm pretty (even this morning), but often wonder if men aren't asking me out due to my being a little plump. I can understand where you're coming from.

However, YOU just said about yourself that you aren't nice to look at. That is YOUR self image! Is there a chance that your own self image has caused you to become and remain overweight? Is it possible that you eat to deal with stress, boredom, etc.? Is it possible that a guy isn't showing interest because you don't seem confident?

I bet that you are a wonderful person! My advice is to lose weight (if you want to) for YOU...to be healthy...not for anyone else. Also, think about how you feel before eat (bored, tired, stressed, social, etc.) That may help.

And PLEASE, don't ever say that your "not nice to look at"!!

I wouldn't recommend changing yourself to suite other people. If you want to lose weight to feel better about yourslelf, go for it. But don't do it to please others. Everyone has different tastes in this world and you can't please everyone. Just try to be happy with who you are. That's the best you can do. Look in the mirror and if it would make you feel better about yourself to lose weight, then lose weight. But if you're happy with how you are, then cool, be happy. And trust me, there are lots of guys out there that like bigger women.

There are many men who like a big woman, they are called "Chubby Chasers". For whatever reason, they prefer a woman with a soft body type, curves and ample bust and bottom. If you are well groomed, neat and have a good personality, I don't see why you couldn't find true love.

My mother has always been heavy. Her entire life has been spent on a diet. If she just took up a hobby that made her a little more active like playing tennis or going for a long walk every day, she probably would not have the time to sit around and eat.

It is very sad because she is now in her mid 60's and has to use a cane, her knees are very bad.

If you want to slim down to avoid diabetes, high blood pressure, joint issues, back problems.. then I encourage you.

Lose weight.Alot of things will change for you when you do,not just being more attractive.A doctor can give you a good diet to follow or a nutritionist.Get going!

Most guys like healthy, confident girls. Being obese isn't good for your health or your self esteem. Go on a diet and get more exercise. True, teenage guys focus more on looks than personality, but who cares about them? If a guy will only go out with you if you look good, chances are he's not worth it.

let them see your great personality..let people see how fun you are, and be confident in what's great about you. it takes guys longer to grow up, but they'll notice you..looks really aren't everything.

Loose weight, get in shape. Do you see those pictures of Jessica Alba? Yeah, aim high. Take your time with it, though, it's not gonna happen overnight, but it can in 2 years if you work hard enough.

First, know this: Everyone feels awkward and ugly when they're young. Some display this as shyness or isolation, others as bullying and arrogance.

It is a stone cold fact that some humans will better fit the "attractive" formula than others. Such is the way of life. No matter how you look, you need to first come to terms with who you are as a person. Your physical appearance is only one single aspect of a multi-faceted individual.

When you're comfortable with who you are, take stock in where you are on your journey. Do you want to lose weight? Great. But make sure you do it for yourself and to be healthy. The added benefit is enhanced physical attractiveness, but it should never be the sole motivation.

Out there in the world right now is a guy wondering if he's ever going to meet the person who makes his knees weak, who makes him laugh, who makes him feel safe. And when he meets you, he will see your soul, not your body. Hang in there. If there was only one kind of beauty in the world, it'd be a pretty boring place. Treat yourself well, be as healthy as you can be and have patience. You have many dreams to come true yet. Good luck.

I grew up in Texas, I think that's where your from. I considered myself unattractive but I realized that I had other good qualities about myself. I have a good sense of humor, and I didn't try to impress people. I just tried to blend in and be myself. Everyone is differnt and have their own looks and personality. It Would be a pretty dull world if everyone were the same. Find out what you want out of life and you will fill better about yourself. Just don't hang around the wrong type of people. The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

In all honesty, you should lighten up on yourself. You can only control your looks to a certain degree, but you can definitely control your self esteem. There are men out there that enjoy bigger women. Be patient.

Being attractive has to do with both inside and out. No, you don't have to be a beauty queen and actually average looking people seem to have longer relationships. But how you take care of yourself physically does communicate how much you respect yourself.
But you also have to be attractive on the inside. Are you a happy person? Nice? Interesting? Have a healthy self-esteem? These are qualities that are just as important.

You have many qualities, not just appearance.
That said, make the most of what you've got. Dress well, be well-groomed, do your hair and makeup.

Be nice. Be helpful. Be kind to all. Be interested in others. People will be drawn to you.

i say...lose weight if it will make you happy but never never never never have an eating disorder. and lost weight to the point where you're happy. not to look like a f*cking wire hanger like those "high fashion" models. THAT is disgusting and i dont know one guy who would rather have that than a girl with meat on her!

I understand where you are coming from. I was overwieght myself and borderline obese. I had such low self esteem I thought no one could love me so I made the decision to make drastic changes in my life I have lost over 40 pounds and I am stiil working on it. My point is try to focus on yourself and what decisions you could make to boost your confidence. Try to look at things from a positive prospective and one you are satsfied and happy with yourself your inner beauty will shine through and I am sure you will find yourself a good man. Looks are not everything its what is inside your heart! You can be the most beautiful girl on earth but your attitude can make others perceive you as pure ugliness. Good Luck sweetie. I am sure everything will work out for you! Stay positive and put yourself first love will come in due time

There were some girls I grew up with who might have been described by some as "ugly ducklings" and they felt that way about themselves.

Then something happened as they grew up and they discovered their inner beauty. When that happened it actually changed the way they looked on the outside for several reasons.

They carried themselves differently.

They smiled more.

They let more of their inner beauty show in the way they gave their lives away for others.

They even learned to make themselves up and dress differently.

But it started within.

What is attractive? I think it may be a lot more than you think and I believe that it starts with realizing that you are special. Drop the negative labels and let you light shine.

ALL THE BEST TO YOU!

try going to the gym start slowly and build your way up also go on a diet but instead of totally changing your eating habits over night slowly cut down on the unhealthy stuff e.g chocolate sweets and fatty foods.i did this and i now go to the gym 2 times a week and i rarely eat chocolate/sweets and lost 2 stone in 4 months and i'm much happier with myself i'm how concentrating on building muscle and i feel better than i have in years.

Looks arent everything but YES guys would possibly be more interested if you lost weight plus you'd be a much healthier person and give and have more confidence that alot of guys would be attracted to. No one is attracted to grumpy or unhappy people so maybe if you try changed your looks a little you'd feel better 'inside' which others would pick up from the 'outside'
Good luck sweetie

Why don't you try to lose the weight. It's really not that hard. It starts with eating healthy, then you start going to the gym, but don't overdo it at first. You need to get your body used to it's new lifestyle. Start walking everyday, either on a treadmill or outside, wherever you feel comfortable. Soon your body will be able to handle more, this is when you incorporate weight training into your regimen. If you eat correctly, and exercise, you will drop the weight in no time. I am not attracted to bigger women, but that doesn't mean other people might not be. I recommend that you hit the gym. The weight will be easy to lose.

Aimee girl ~ you shine ~ regardless of your weight. Honestly if a guy cannot see that, it will be his loss. If you feel uncomfortable or unhappy with your weight, seek professional advice on a suitable diet and exercise plan ~ but do it for you ~ not for anyone else (((HUGS)))

First of all, if you focus on changing your looks, you may be attracting the wrong guys for the wrong reasons. Hate to say it, but there *are* a lot of shallow guys out there.

If you're going to change, (ie, lose weight, use makeup, etc), do it for yourself, not for the benefit of who may show interest in you. Do it for your health and your own happiness.

If you show confidence in yourself, others will show confidence in you. Again, if you absolutely need to change, do it for yourself, and the rest will fall into place :)

Ever heard about the frog and the princess? now just be a princess and kiss me....It's like complaints from a guy who cursed that he had lousy shoes... till he saw a man without legs....You are beautiful as YOU are... believe in that...

people always think that men only think of the looks but im tellin u that its not true!!!! if u are as bad lookin as you say that u r than its all right b/c everyone still likes you for who u r!!! don't let anyone get you down!!!

Eh, I've seen obese people that were very pretty -- I even saw a pin up girl that was obese, and people fawned over her. Plenty probably would, but I think there are probably some out there that would even without you changing them. And I am being honest.

Okay, you said you can handle the truth, then here it is. You are what you accept youself as being. If you accept the standard of others about what is beautiful then you will always live by someone elses standard. Beauty is on the inside but don't be deceived and think that you don't have to work on your external beauty. You have to atract another before you can land them. Spend time making yourself attractive. If you are neat, clean and dressed nicely for your size then that will build your esteem. Learn to love yourself first and others will learn to appreciate you for who you are.

the true lover is one who accepts you with all your positive and negative sides as well.
but one who ask you to change is not the love,its just the ........

Nobody is going to want if you if you continue to project a negative image about yourself. I'm sure that you are attractive to some people...everyone is attractive to at least a few people(even the really unattractive ones)...but not everyone is attracted someone who is down on themself. It's difficult to like someone who doesn't like themself. You have to learn to lighten up and be who you are and give what you have to give..NOT be what society 'expects' you to be. If you are so concerned about your weight though..there are options..None of them are easy..You must take responsibility for your physical activity and what you are putting in your mouth. I do also believe however that a lot of people are large just because they are. It often isn't something that people do to themselves..It does not signify failure. Many people gain weight really easily..I think it is genetic and a very complex subject.
In short..you have to learn to like yourself more before anyone is going to show an interest in you..give people a chance. I bet you are unconsciously driving people away in an unconscious effort not to get hurt....My 2 cents worth. Good Luck:)

while many of these answers related to your size, i think you would make better headway by activating your social consciousness. You dont have an age listed here...are you a teenager or an adult. Still you could take some classes this summer like public speaking and english. two very important subjects for being involved with people. people you meet will see you for who you are and the size of shell your body is. when you get involved with people then people will see YOU and not your size. meanwhile you can work on your size and shape and weight.

if you are obese then that isn't very healthy. From what I've learned on Answer Bag men tend to like women to take care of themselves and have self control. They like fit women.
I think if you lost weight and were in within normal range for your age and height then you would have a lot more confidence and in turn would attract guys!

Good luck

I'm just going to say my opinion. I actually think fat females are more attractive. Skinny is yucky, all the bones are showing, the ribs, kneecaps, you barely see any meat.

i think men like me for who i am. you may not have all the looks, but it's what's inside that counts.

Change yourself to how you want to be, if you want to be pretty, believe you are pretty, make yourself pretty, you don't have to have clothes to be pretty, just a smile can make you the most beautiful person. If you want a guy, Find one thjat is interested in personality more than anything...

It stinks that our world these days are basing all of there opinion on what people looks are. I wish that they would do that but it always going to happen. Many people are more likely to like people that are more on the skinny side. I am also on the chunky side and not many show interest in me. I think that if you wait then the right person will come a long to like you. With that I do not mean that you wait for the love of your life to come. Just someday some one will find you. I see people that are not as good looking as me and they still get people. I mean this comment with all respect. They are lucky. I say that you do not have to change because someone will come. I know that the waiting sucks but it is so worth it in the end and your not something you really are not. I wish you good luck.

if a guy really likes u he would like u for yourself

Love your self everything else doesn't matter and if you want to loose weight do it for yourself and not to attract boys. Never change yourself to please someone else trust me in the end if you do it to please someone else you won't be happy. I changed myself to please someone else cause he said if I did that he would love me more and guess what he has treated me worse.

YOu used the term obese. If you are, you should be more concerned about your health than about boys. Unless you lose weight, you could get diabetes, sleep apnea, high blood pressure and cholesterol, joint pains and a whole lot of other things that will make you constantly miserable. Not only that, it will be harder to get a good job because fat people look unhealthy to potential employers. Try to lose a lot of weight for you own health, and the boys attractions will soon follow!

what do you currently look like? do you dress nicely?

For the most part, 16 year old guys are jerks and will eventually grow out of it but I will tell you my story and hope it helps!

My husband and I have been together for 9 years this September. When we first started dating we were Juniors in High School. I weighed 115lbs and he was 6ft. tall and weighed 260lbs. He was so worried that because I was a normal weight that I would judge him for being heavy. I never once looked down on him for his size but it did bother me that the guy I was choosing to spend my life with didn't value his life enough to take care of himself health wise. My concerns were only for his health never his looks. If I didn't find him attractive, I wouldn't have started dating him in the first place. I had to explain to him that before I could love him he had to love himself.

Well, I now weigh almost 160lbs (topped out at 170lbs) and he has lost down to 200lbs. He looks GREAT but what I find the most sexy is his new self esteem. For the first time in his life he doesn't put himself down all the time. We just had our first child 5 weeks ago and I am really worried about my own weight an looks but my man makes me feel pretty and that is all that matters.

Long story short, you WILL find the person that is just for you that will love you for who you are not what you look like but please remember that you have to love yourself first. I want you to be happy with you looks but more than that I want you to be a healthy, strong, independant woman. A man does not define you and neither does your looks. I haven't seen a picture of you but I bet it's safe to say that you are extremely hard on yourself and that you are a beautiful young lady.

I hope my rambling on has helped in some way or another... Good Luck with everything!

If you are confident and act sexy you will attract more attention. I don't know how heavy you are or how old or what you look like but attitude has more to do with it than you think. True you probably wont ever get the football jock but there are plenty of guys who like bigger girls with a positive attitude, me included. Wear nice clothes, do your hair(longer is better for a weight problem) wear makeup but don't over do it and think fun and sexy.

First off- I'm around your age, an 18 yo girl. I think, should you choose to exercise to gain a healthy weight and fitness, it should be first and foremost for YOU.
Being content with your body and feeling more healthy will sprout more confidence in you, and your inner beauty will shine through all the more! You'll feel all the better for it, you'll be so much more HAPPY :)

Yes, a guy would show more interest if he saw you were more healthy (I do not mean skinny, I mean healthy which means slim/average) because this reflects that you care for your body and would naturally be a more positive, fun person to be around.

It can take a while to get to a point of fitness, I'm in good shape, but not great shape, I also have fat I want gone, gone, gone. I want to be more fit and healthy. And I want to do this for me, because I know I'll feel more confident and happy when I feel healthy.

Guilt won't get you anywhere, positive thoughts such as 'I can change and I will' work wonders! I understand it won't happen overnight, but I'm working towards it.
And in the meantime, if a guy doesn't like me for who I am, that doesn't bother me- it only shows me he's not the one for me.

Know this- you ARE beautiful. Inner beauty, your mind and soul, is what is most important.
Honouring your body and working to get healthy will reap its rewards in your confidence and romantic relationships, but know and love who you are as you are right now, and as you work towards your goals. You're beautiful :)

and i will tell you something else also i like women who are themselves have you ever seen them skinny anorexic crack head females that is all they worry about