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by Anonymous on July 27th, 2006

Anonymous

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My long distance boyfriend goes to bondage and sex shows with a female friend because her hubby won't. I trust him, but think this is so wrong and feel he doesn't respect me. He says I'm crazy. Who's right?

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Answers. 8 helpful answers below.

  • by Anonymous on July 28th, 2006

    Anonymous

    I think the best way to get to the bottom of whether this is innocent or not is, next time you visit him, ask if you can tag along one night. Say you're just curious about what happens at a bondage show. If he's genuinely just going along to "support" her he shouldn't have a problem with it, if there's something else going on he will almost certainly try and talk you out of it.
    It can be difficult , having a friend with this kind of job, it may well be that to her its just a job and it hasn't occured to her that it would upset you (its amazing how working in a job with a sexual element can desensitise you to these things). Then again, she may be using it as a way to try and seduce him with her act. The only way you're really going to be able to tell is by asking if you can see what goes on. If there's nothing sexual in it, neither of them will mind.

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  • by Glenn Blaylock on July 27th, 2006

    Glenn Blaylock

    It sounds as if your boyfriend has different ideas of morality than you do. He does not see anything wrong with being sexually involved with someone else while he is supposed to be dating you. He does not see anything wrong with types of sex that you don't like. There is nothing wrong with your disagreeing with him on this. Don't let him (or anyone else) tell you otherwise and pressure you into doing something with which you are uncomfortable.

    One of the reasons for dating is to find someone with whom you can spend the rest of your life. The question that you should as yourself is if you want to have to deal with this for the rest of your life. If you don't want to deal with this for the rest of your life, then you should give him the heave ho and start looking for someone with whom you are more compatible, someone who will respect you for who you are. (This applies to you as well. Find someone whom you can love and respect for who he is rather than someone whom you have to change in order to make him acceptable to you.)

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  • by Persky Bunkermeister on July 27th, 2006

    Persky Bunkermeister

    Are they really sex shows??? Sounds to me like they're some kind of performance art, with no sex involved. Anyway, your boundaries are different from his, so you want him to change to your boundaries out of respect? But why don't you change to his boundaries out of respect for him?

    What is "SO" wrong about bf??? If he didn't want you to come along for the show, then I'd think there is something wrong with this. But it doesn't sound like that's the case here.

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  • by Answers101 on July 28th, 2006

    Answers101

    You're right!

    Tell your boyfriend that you'd rather he didn't go to this event and if he refuses, then tell him that it aggravates you that he would disrespect you, in such a manner.

    Bottom line: You're right, so tell him how you feel and if he ignores you, then he's disrespecting you and your relationship.

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  • by saint_halloween on July 27th, 2006

    saint_halloween

    you really must let each person decide their own morals when it comes to sexual tabbo. It would be much more safe for his friend to have someone accompany her; some people enjoy being desired and their is no reason as long as they keep themselves safe to not extend that to sexual situations, if its fine with that person.

    Maybe he just dissagrees with you point of view and did not mean to offend or disrespect you. Some people are very firm in their belifes that they are right and everyone else is incorrect. (which it sounds like the two of you might share in comman)
    all in all its his choice and unless there is reason to suspect that it will not be harmful the said female friend, you really have no reason to worry (as you said, you trust him)
    luck

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  • by brian646 on September 1st, 2009

    brian646

    your man is looking at naked women other than you.......why would he want to do that, let alone call you crazy for your concern......move on......take care....Brian.....

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  • by AnuKat on December 18th, 2008

    AnuKat

    Your boyfriend is going with his friend in place of her husband.

    I say, something smells fishy.

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  • by Anonymous on August 30th, 2009

    Anonymous

    If your bf knows you feel this way, and he persists in his behavior after you have made your views clear, then I would say YES. He very clearly is being disrespectful of your feelings. At the very least, he is not being respectful of your feelings.

    I am curious what exactly it is that you feel is so wrong. Looks to me like there are several things a person might find objectionable.

    Is it the sex show in general, bondage sex specifically, that he is accompanying a married woman?

    I agree with the others who advise that you should offer to tag along next time. If things really are innocent and copacetic, then he shouldn't mind your company.

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