Let me get this right. You are gay. You dont like yourself. You are afraid of having a boyfriend. Looks like you are going to have a hard time being gay.

Face reality or live your life bereft of any happiness whatsoever

Look you either want to be gay or not. Make a choice. Looks like you don't mind being gay, but are scare the public might. In that case, get a girlfriend. Public are not so much bigots if you are bi sexual.

my bestfriend is going through this and having a tough time. he says he's 100% gay and he's already told a few close friends and his father. I just wanted to know how someone could feel this way and be so scared of being himself. thanks for the comments!

I would say you have a lot of sorting out to do in your ife ...and the very first thing you MUST!.do is like your self and who you are ...once you have done thes the rest will fall in place ...but until that happens your life will remain the shit fight it is ... remember accepting your self is the first step

First thing's first. Why do you care what other people think about you? How boring would life be if you always did what pleased everyone? I think people are more respected when they live 'outside the box'. Secondly, I know this is about a 'friend', or so you say. If that's true, it sounds like you may like your friend. Maybe you can help them out of the closet. ;)

You SERIOUSLY need to see a shrink, not because what is happening is bad, but your head is all over the place and you need help putting everything in order. Don't worry about what people will think, They won't make you happy, you will.

You need to accept yourself for who you are, before you go looking for a boyfriend. To be honest, a person swimming with self-loathing is not an attractive person to date. Speak with a mental health professional ASAP and/or attend a help group to deal with these issues. Best of luck!

I suggest you seek some counseling. I wish I had. I was closeted for a long time for fear of rejection. I never hated myself. I was afraid of what others would think for a long time. And I was lonely and miserable because of it. I finally accepted who I am, and came out to everyone and they accept me as well. And I have a wonderful partner, too.

anon, i don't know you or anything about you i can't tell you how it will be like to finally honest with your self. all i know is lying sucks and it really sucks if your lying to yourself. i did the same thing when i was younger. i told the gay jokes, called people f** wether they were or not and learned to hate myself. in an effort to run away from myself i joined several churches that said that if i had enough faith god would heal me he never did. after 10 years of chasing the "cure" i gave up . i started to drown my gayness in Budweiser. that didn't work either. this was the lowest time in my life. the various churches taught me that i was an abomination. the booze taught me that i was a drunk. my wife was about to leave me. i decided to go to detox. part of going to detox is going to AA. i found out that wasn't the only drunk out there and i found out that i wasn't the only gay guy out there. i found out that god doesn't just live upstairs in churches. he hangs out downstairs too in smoke filled AA meetings hoping to find one of his gay lost sheep. he still hasn't healed my gayness what he did heal was my self loathing. that's what i needed. 5 years sober oct 10 2007 and still gay

Self homophobia and internalised homophobia are quite common in our world. As people have said, it is very important to accept who we are and begin to learn to love ourselves in spite of and because of our fears. There may be fantastic LGBT community groups in your area that you can become involved in and/or you can always get together or community advertise to start discussion groups or social groups. It can certainly help to have a gay counsellor that is totally at ease with their sexuality and way of life. There may be other things that you are avoiding and are using homosexuality as a way to divert yourself from that. I know people who have done that. Easy does it and good luck.