Wow, all married men do this?? I better go talk to my husband.

Those married men that would do something like this are not really interested in a relationship. All they want is sex with someone else. You should steer clear of such men. However, I think that it is unfair to accuse all married men with this as your question implies. Not all men do this. There are still lots of married men out there that love their wives and are completely faithful to them.

Is that what I'm supposed to be doing?

I've been reading through quite a few forums on this subject and there's one thing that everyone seems to overlook. When a woman is unhappy in her marriage and wants to leave, what are the consequences? Is she going to be "fined" for leaving? Probably not! When a man is unhappy and wants out, what does he have to look forward too... Alimony and child support! Most men aren't in the financial situation to make the move and leave an unhappy marriage, so their trapped! It doesn't change the fact that they yearn for someone else. I'm not happily married and don't cheat on my wife. Paying child support is not an issue with me; hell I'd rather have my kids stay with me but facing reality, that's not going to be the case. These forums are such a joke, why is it that the woman is always the victim and the man always scum. Mine is not an abusive marriage, she just doesn't do anything and I really mean that. I do the house work, watch the kids and work two jobs. What does she do? She sits at her computer all day with her online friends and pretty much ignores everyone else in the house. If you try to interrupt her online endeavors, watch out! Then she starts yelling about it. And no, she doesn't have a job either... Sorry if I upset anyone, I just need to vent...

mntbiker, Your case is a sad one and I feel I fit in the same category as you. I have been married for 2 and half years and I really wish I wasn't married to her. She has the traits you mentioned. But I don't have kids yet, that makes me feel I should get out of this marriage asap.

Hmm. It's because they can't figure out how to fall out of love with their wives. No mistress can seem to make them do it.

Here's one for you. You're married, you've got 2 kids. You work a full time job, do the laundry, dishes, get the kids to school in the AM, make their lunches, help them with homework, etc. Your wife developed a substance abuse problem, and after several years of problems (and a few stints in mental hospitals), you called the cops on her when she hit you. She was arrested (this happened over a year ago), and now, every so often she complains how she hates her life and just wants a guy who will do what she says. She says she wants a divorce, and you say, fine, I get the kids, and you get no money. Is that wrong? I mean, she wants the money probaly to get more 'stuff', and you are trying to do the right thing by staying with her. But sometimes... it is SO HARD....

Safety, security, and co-dependence....weakness. That's the reason in most situations...in very few they are just liars...mostly they are weak and you deserve better.

Apparently, you have never been through a divorce. They are expensive and heart wrenching. It's 1000 times cheaper to get married than it is to get divorced.

They're wimps and are afraid to make a move..except on single girls. Pigs.

I think marriage as a legal union is/was/is an awful thing to place on families. The way I see it, this all boils down to money and caretaking. Either the wife is doing it and her man is happy, so he keeps her but has a sex mistress for the dirty dirty, or she's not doing it and he wants to ditch her for someone who will. Sounds to me like both sides lose and the girl/guy who falls for the married person. If people/society/government based relationships more on love....and compassion, instead of sex and money, maybe we all wouldn't be here right now. The minute you sign a marriage license, you are married. Period. The ceremony is just for kicks. It cost $10.00 to get a license and a lot more to disolve it. I'll never get married through the state again. Even if you multiplied savings from tax credits for being married, it still wouldn't equal the financial loss of a divorce. Anyone who binds themselves to the governement is a complete idiot. Sorry.

Men stay in bad marriages because many of them, at least from my experience, do not view marriage the way women do. Marriage is not an end all - be all for them the way it seems to be for women. Men seem to view it as just one portion of their lives. They still want sex with other women. I'm a woman, and I'll never marry again. I don't see the point. Marriage is much more beneficial to men -- they get a maid, a sex partner and more status in the eyes of many people. Men are very good at deception so they can keep up double lives for quite a while, at least if the woman is very trusting, as many are.

Why leave a bad situation for a good one that will most likely go bad too because of their lack of engagement. Bottom line, Men are lazy. You want to have a great marriage, put as much energy into the one you have, instead of the one your chasing.

Most of these men are very happy and satisfied at home. What they tell you is something different because they want sympathy but most of all, a good excuse to cheat and get away with it. these are men that want their cake and eat it too. They love their family life and they love to cheat.

They want it all. The stability and comfort of a nice, clean home, good meals, clean clothes, second income, etc. with a caring wife who is sometimes too tired to be all he wants in the bedroom. He finds someone on the side who will believe his lies when he says what a martyr he is, he is staying for the kids, or he is staying because his wife is unstable and will kill herself, he is staying because she is ill, etc.. lying sack of crap. Run!!

Some of them lie. They are sometime happily married. They just want more (high level of testosteron). They are just kind of guys who let their genital organs control their life. A bunch of them hang out in the chat rooms looking for sexual hook up while their spouses nare not around.

I am one of these men you are talking about. I think I stay because I fear drastic changes of any kind. Maybe lots of men feel that way. We like things to stay the same.

Because they like knowing they can have the best of both worlds! If he can have a girl thats willing to commit to him and sleep with him, knowing hes married, of course he's gonna take it. If his wife catches him and they try to work things out he feels like he can get away with it and depending on how emotionally involved he is with the mistress he'll still keep her around. ANy girl that waits around for a married man needs to realize its not worth it no matter how much u love him because he will always find an excuse not to leave his wife. No matter how unhappy he cliaims to be and make u believes a sex life with his wife is non existant he wont leave her, eventually the wife will end up pregnant and now hes "stuck" i learned the hard way! I never pictured myself being part of an affair and labeled as the girl on the side, as much as i loved the man it was obvious how much he loved her if he could never leave her before she got pregnant. A guy like that is more into sex than actually understanding a womans feeling and being faithful to his wife.

the unhappy and crying bit is a ploy to get some side sex FROM YOU!!

'Cause....I don't think they really want to leave. They probably want the comforts of home and a wife that cares about them....and a THRILL on the side to escape to when they feel things aren't going well.

There are many things that could explain it. To take a blanket stance saying "Men want side action" or "women will screw them over financially" is unrealistic. Men, like women, aren't cookie-cutter reproductions of each other. There are very self centered men and women and there are men and women who are quite selfless. Children will always be the biggest reason couples remain in marriages. Couples who would throw in the towel will remain together "for the good of the children". Other reasons are quite financial. Some people don't want to sacrifice confortable lifestyles for freedom from the marriage itself. Some fear significant change and that the change may be more unpleasant than what they are already facing. Some men ARE looking for sexual relations but have no intent to leave. Men are far too different from each other to attribute their inaction to any one thing. I think Children and fear of the unknown are the most common factors.

maybe b/c they weren't ready for marriage in the first place. or mid-life crisis or something.

You don't believe that baloney do you? They probably get plenty of loving from the little wife..that's just part of the line they use to hook you. Think about it..they are liars, right? They lie to their wives, right? What makes you think they don't lie to you? Happy Thursday! :)

I dont really know...Ive been married for close to 15 years now...I get plenty of lovin...Ive seen married women act the same as you describe too though...so it isnt just men.

They just want to have your sympathy so that you would jump into bed with them. +4

It sounds like you're the other woman. All married men DON'T do that, just the scumbags. You are dating a scumbag. Find someone better, who doesn't currently have a legal, emotional and sexual obligation to another person.