What are some tips for becoming an effective communicator in a relationship?

Mean what you say and say what you mean.

This is not a simple question -- a short book could be written on each tip... but here's a start.

I was raised on this one: "Figure out a way to bring a conflict to a close before the night is out."

Manage intent/impact distortions -- you say one thing -- another person hears a different thing. The words we use can be very powerful in triggering emotions. If you find someone being triggered about what you said -- ask them what they thought you meant -- sometimes you may recognize some truth because we are all prone to use "loaded" language at times. But even completely benign comments can be blown way out of proportion. Don't let it escalate -- try to understand it -- avoid language that triggers others.

Nagging... whining... yelling... accusing... generalizing... these things have no positive impact on communication, other than making the impression that you are in a hate mode. Consider the 3 strikes and you're out rule -- saying the same thing twice is once too many times. Figure out a way to compromise on the things you find yourself going into "hate mode" about. If you can't compromise, something has to change -- either you or the relationship you're in.

More tips:

Be true to yourself... Say clearly how you feel, and why you feel that way -- don't blame somebody else for your feelings. This takes courage and self confidence. You might have to admit that you are picky, uptight, or just plain sensitive about certain things. Or that you have no sense of humor on certain subjects.

Assume that everybody wishes to be their best. This means that when you see somebody is "triggered" and making (possibly wild) accusations -- just say "sorry, I didn't intend to upset you". Allow the feelings to cool off -- if the issue is that important, discuss it when there are no other things interfering with your attention.

Hope that helps.