I've had an issue with my self-esteem all my life ever since i was little. i'm 20 now and this guy that i liked had actually just told me i was...well...fat and ugly... how should i react? it's so discouraging. i already know that i'm not attractive..
by 
Anonymous
ANSWERS: 12
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The best way to react might be to admit that even though you like a guy, it does not mean that he is a great guy, much less a perfect one. try to figure out why you liked him. Was it his personality, his physical appearance, maybe his charming manner? None of these really reflected his mean-spirited character, did they? I cannot imagine how saying something so hurtful to you could have been called for. It won't be easy, but kick him to the curb, mentally; visualise it, if necessary. He wasn't worth your time or your affection. If you are still in contact with him for any reason, let him know that what he said was hurtful; with any luck he will partially redeem himself by apologising. If not, write him off. Then go out and spoil yourself a little; lift your spirits however you like to do that. You deserve it! Be strong, even when it's difficult. In a few weeks or months, you'll wonder what you ever saw in him.
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You may not be attractive to yourself, but how true the old saying,"beauty is in the eye of the beholder". We are our own worst critics, as a general rule, so dont let what one bonehead says make you think you are unattractive. I dont know what you consider "fat", but some of us guys are attracted to BBWs or larger women. But if a guy is smart, he will be looking for what is in the heart, not what is on the surface. Take yoho's advice and go treat yourself to what makes you feel good and know that some day you will be somebody's pride and joy.
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I know how that feels. It is awful. But I also know you will find strength in it, and come to understand that it isn't true. The only ugliness here is in the heartless nature of this dude you thought was worthwhile. He isn't. No person worth your time would ever say something so cruel. Ever. There are people who think you are beautiful, and you will meet more of them in your life. You may not believe that you are attractive, but some others do. Treat yourself with the love that you know you deserve. Soon, someone special will want to join in! This thoughtless and cruel guy isn't worth being too upset by. Try to understand how shallow a person has to be to say what he said. Let him know that you are finally aware of just how tiny his soul and his value are. It might not hurt to let him know that you now find him attrociously ugly.
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I can have the same issue at times, thinking if only I was "this" or if only I had "that". God created you in His image and you are His little girl. You are special. Do you know He has your name written on the palm of His hand and He thinks about you all through the day? If God can love you like that and He is perfect, then nothing can get in the way of the beauty that is within you. There really is someone out there who is perfect for you and who you are perfect for. Hang in there, hon. I'm sending a big hug your way!
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You are being very very hard on yourself. Please don't do that. You are special and beautiful and deserve to be loved for who you are. Please do yourself a favor as soon as you can, get some counseling. It will help you so much with your self esteem issues. You are too young and wonderful to continue on it life feeling the way you do. People are cruel and they say hurtful things to make themselves feel better because they have low self esteem. I do hope you think about what I have said. :)
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I am fat and ugly too. However, if someone is so rude and thoughtless as to tell me that, I just say "Yes I am, but I am on a diet to improve myself. YOU, however, will ALWAYS be a jerk." Stop worrying about what other people think of your appearance, and you will be a lot happier. Develop you other good qualities that have nothing to do with how you look. Sorry, I didn't realize I had already answered this question before, but the answers are basically the same, and still true.
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Repeat after me: "Bye Bye, Arsehole". It does not matter how big you are or how unattractive you think you are, you don't deverve that. You are young and are most probably still carrying baby fat. Some ducks grow into swans and you could be one of them. Don't be discouraged. Get out there and start moving your bod and exercising. It will make you feel better and you will feel healthier and (most of all) it will give you some self-esteem. If you see the "jerk" ignore him. Just keep exercising and get a beautiful bod. You can do it. Imagine how the "Jerk" will feel when he sees you looking totally hot? YOU GO GIRL - JUST DO IT!! I was once you so I know what I'm talking about. Good Luck :D
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If anyone says things like that to me, I just say "I can lose weight and wear maekup if I want to change my looks, but there is no cure for 'jerk'." Once I learned to not care what people think of how I look, I was a lot happier with myself. Nobody knows what's inside better than you do, and their opinions are usually wrong anyway.
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The old saying "If you can't say anything nice, don't say ANYTHING" should have applied. No matter his opinion, you are not near as "fat and ugly" as YOU think and as he made you feel. Old sayings are old sayings because they're oft-repeated and remembered. Remember "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder". Not everyone will see the outside as you do, and if the inside is beautiful, few care about the outside. The answers from others, about telling the guy off, are very good ones. While it hurts that someone you like will think that way, it's MUCH better to find out now, than if you had gotten into a relationship with him. If you ARE, kick him out. He doesn't deserve you. Rude people are a dime-a-dozen. FRIENDS are forever.
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There are as many ideas of what attractive is, as there are people practically. If you could see what you really have, others that like those traits or attributes, would be attracted to you. Stsrt shifting how you see yourself and you will be surprised I think. Don't worry about that kind, hes an asshole
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you dont need ppl like that in your life - somewhere out there is someone who is looking for you
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Oh please leave him asap! He can only make your self-esteem issues worse. Seek help from a good therapist to help you learn to build up your self-esteem and never take this ugly abuse and disrespect from anyone ever again. You are a human being deserving of love, respect and happiness. Never talk yourself down and say that you're not attractive because beauty is in the eyes of the beholder and this negative self-talk isn't helping your situation either. The better you feel about yourself and love yourself the happier you'll be. Good luck!
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