ANSWERS: 1
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  • Depends. How exactly do you ask her? Is it in gentle and sweet and loving tones and words, or is it in a tone of accusation, anger, hurt? Its not always so much what we ask but HOW we ask it that causes people to answer our questions slyly or wrongly (lie) or to not answer at all. BF/GF relationships are not too hard, but they are not that easy either. There should, in all relationships, be some room for the other to do what they want without excessive questioning or complaining on the part of the other. However there are limits and these limits must be discussed (not lectured or handed down by the "man of the house") and must be agreed upon first. *-*-*-*-*-* Now it is possible she is in the wrong, again I do not know I wasn't there to see how you addressed the subject. So lets assume there is this alternative as well. It is possible that she could be an alcoholic, could be a partier, could feel boxed in by you in this relationship - a whole slew of interesting possibilities - ones that require communication between the two of you to figure out. Each case would require a different answer and this post is getting too lengthy. If you are certain that you are not being accusatory in how you ask, then you should ask (nicely) why it is she is hiding this part of her life from you. No answer gives you the right to explain to her that you are "bothered" by all of this and you are dissatisfied with her lack of communication and you suspect that this is not a healthy frame work to base your relationship on. If that fails to motivate her then you may want to consider other more drastic alternatives... up to and including separation. I do not know what you are willing to put up with and what you are not willing to put up with. I do not know if your emotional investment is so much that dealing with this is good for you or not. However failure to communicate in a relationship means that the relationship is broken and you two will part sooner or later. Sooner is best, since that is usually before marriage, before children, etc. etc. etc.

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