There's not an easy clear cut answer for this question. It's not as easy as "follow steps 1 through 3." It has to be a decision and realization on your part. You have to reach a point where you can stop and say, "You know what... I'm a good person. I deserve to be happy. And if other people want to get upset, then that's their problem." It's something you have to believe yourself. No one else can do it for you. That's why it's called SELF-esteem. It's how you view YOURSELF.

I am not a fan of trying to stop negative thoughts or replace them with "positive" thoughts -- it's sort of like trying to put a band-aid on a large gash: it sort of looks a bit better, but doesn't really resolve the problem, and you're always left secretly knowing that there's something fishy about the process. The basic concern you have is what I would call a "core belief" -- a deeply rooted belief that somehow you are not quite adequate and lovable just as you are. This is actually very common -- most of us manage to cover it over or compensate for it in some way, but the fact that we make effort to compensate is actually evidence for the presence of the "I'm not good enough" belief! So the first thing to know is that this is a very fundamental and very common psychological structure, it doesn't mean you're especially handicapped relative to others -- if anything, it's something that you have in common with others! The fact that you're aware of it and able to speak publicly of it actually puts you "ahead of the game" quite a bit: for most people, the inability to confront and acknowledge this issue leaves them unable to make any real headway with regard to it. The next bit of this is to consider that trying to "fix yourself" is the WRONG approach. All attempts to change a core belief (i.e. with positive thinking or affirmations) actually tend to reinforce it, because they are based in the notion that the core belief is real and substantive: you wouldn't bother to try to fix something unless you really believed it was broken, yes? So the solution actually comes from a different direction altogether: learning to "make room" for the core belief, and discover a dimension of self which is BIGGER than that belief, a dimension of true self (with a capital "T"!). It's sort of like true self is the sky, and the negative core belief is a cloud that lingers. If you recognize yourself as the sky, you really don't need to get too worried about any particular cloud, and that lack of anxiety allows the clouds to float on by. If you think you ARE one of the clouds, you spend a lot of energy trying to fiddle with them. The true nature of a human being is already whole and complete -- your true self is already whole and complete, and doesn't need any "fixing" to be OK. So the core belief actually represents a common delusion about yourself. As long as you can be aware of it and not get too entangled in it, you can start to listen for a deeper and more authentic sense of self. That resolves the core belief with finality.

Heres a new take on an old addage. " you can please some people all of the time, you can please all people some of the time, but you cant please all the people all of the time". You are responsible for you, and the adults around you are responsible for themselves. Your self-esteem has to come from how you see yourself, not how others see you. Sometimes it is easier to look around at others for validation instead of looking at yourself. With the exception of those you truly are responsible for i.e. children, spouse. Let them take care of themselves and YOU take care of You!!!